Spoof news snippets from Saturday 16 January 2010
Playboy Goes Peedo!
Playboy TV is to lower its annual viewing fee to match the BBC licence fee in a bid to attract "closet porno" viewers which include magistrates, head teachers and priests!
Riches to Rags - TV Footballers Ordeal
Sky TV is to match the BBC licence fee in a bid to attract dissatisfied users back to its ranks. English Premiership footballers are not happy about the agreement which will see a cut in wages of 99%.
Needs A Bailout
Larry Flynt asks Congress for billion dollar bailout for failing magazine, somebody to wipe his ass.
Yemen Riddled
A new report says that Yemen where al-Qaida trains riddled with bribes, payoffs and puzzles.
Joe The Plumber Not Interested
Joe the Plumber poo poos any ideas of running for political office of any kind. "I'd sooner run a worm up my ass."
Bad Economic Sign
A bad sign for the economy as people are starting to get chain letters with lots of bank names on them.
Get The Janitor
92-year-old Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia starting to molt on the Senate floor.
Still At It!
Holy war that started with Cain and Abel continues into 2010.
Chip Off Old Cement Block
'The Teflon son': John Gotti Jr off the hook and planning to write a true crime novel, "I Did It But You Can't Prove It".
Brown Makes Bid
Brown makes last-ditch bid to win over Middle Earth....that should be Middle England.
You Big Brute
Royal Mail boss jailed after stealing 'thousands' from childrens' birthday cards. 388-pound thief also stole their chocolate.
The Y Factor - Boyle More Popular Than Ronaldo!
Susan Boyle has been chosen as the "new body" of Y Fronts, she replaces David Dimbleby in a £500 million a minute TV deal which runs until 2525. Ronaldo is kicking himself!
Real Live Spoof Snippet
Robinson's 25 rally No. 16 Pitt past Cards, 823-77. Untouched. Yahoo Sports own spoof snippet entry.
Everyone Pitching In
Continental sets up frequent flier aid for Haiti. Former President Bush calls for immediate tax cuts!
Hot New Cars
Hot new cars in Detroit this year: Small, electric and wussy.
Who Would Have Thought?
Egypt's Muslim Brotherhood chooses new leader...and his first name is...Mohammed!
Turkish Ambassador Expelled?
Israel threatens to expel Turkish ambassador. Tired of listening to all his gobbledegook!
Cells Into Pork
Scientists turn stem cells into pork. But it still tastes like chicken.
Baby Talk
Alibaba says Yahoo 'reckless' on Google stance. I wonder how that headline would have affected us 20 years ago?
Junta's Honda
Security official: Guinea's junta supports Accord, but would settle for a Fit.
Obama Sure Of Bill Passage
Obama confident bank tax plan, Republicans call 'the kidney stone' will pass Congress.
OK, I Confess!
Low bids are reviewed for Barren County jail as inmates temporarily being held in chicken coops at factory.
Conan Resists Move
Source: Deal near for O'Brien to leave 'Tonight' as Conan handcuffed himself to desk.
Look They're Breaking That Guy's Knees!
For $65, tourists get peek at Los Angeles gangland with actual tubs of concrete with one-size-fits-all shoes.
Bunch Of Sickos!
The brutality of Taliban attacks in northwest Pakistan has cost the militants public support, the U.S. special envoy to the region said Saturday. Pakistan's regular murderers call them 'Sickos'.
More Experts
Haiti earthquake science: What caused the disaster? We believe it was the earthquake.
Look For Extra Bank Charges, Layoffs
Obama confident bank tax plan will pass Congress. "The more we tax them, the more money they will have to hire people", says the Prez at morning beer conference.
Johnson & Johnson Recall
Johnson And Johnson and Johnson recall Johnson. "We'll miss our old buddy! He had a whopper"
New Doll Movie
The new movie about with the new Japanese doll is doing fairly well at the box office. However, theaters are only showing "Full Metal Jacqueline" late at night.
Jay Leno Back
One of the most dubious train wrecks in recent TV history is unfolding at NBC, where Jay Leno is now poised to reclaim his Tonight Show duties. After rest, Leno hopes to compete with Letterman.
Clooney, Madonna Active
Brangelina donated $1 million to Haitian earthquake relief efforts. George Clooney and Madonna have also been active. Let's hope they donate too.
Senate Hypocrites
United States Senate give themselves huge benefits while criticizing the small thing in private industry.
Johnson & Johnson Recall
Johnson & Johnson issues massive recall of Tylenol, Rolaids, one of the Johnsons.
Frances Veiled Threats
France moves closer to banning full Muslim veil, as mini veils are offered for free.
Microsoft Are Mad! (As in angry)
Computer giants, Microsoft, are quite 'miffed' at having to produce 103-character keyboards now that a new character called Sarcmark is to be introduced, denoting when a writer is being sarcastic!
World's Cheapest Car Coming to U.S.
Most initial orders placed by Golf Courses to replace golf carts.
Polanski Prosecutor: Get Your Butt Into Court Now.
Polanski: My Chalet is far nicer than your jails, so take a hike!
Teddy Bear Files Lawsuit Against Girl
A one armed teddy bear has today filed a lawsuit against a 9y.o Kansas girl for the loss of his arm.
Bronze Report Concludes 33% of British Men are Gay!
Confirming strong rumor that Brit men find big boobs way too much to handle.
Oprah Sits Down on Adam Lambert!
and surprisingly Adam pops a hard one. Adam said after the show "I never thought it could happen with a girl!"
Michele O'Bomba Gets New Movie Role
Will star in remake of Bertha Butt Boogie with co-stars Oprah Winfrey and Kirstie Alley.
Government Owned GM Announces Higher Profit Projections
as the Government executed a purchase order for all of GM's 2010 production.
Britney Heads to Haiti, Bringing $$ to Desparate Island
Will be song and pole dance star in new film "Sexquake"
Pentagon Taking Notes on Spoof Writers
Stated one Pentagon Rep: "No group of writers does spin like the writers at "The Spoof", so we want them here."
Cptn. Lowton quickly raised the "Skull and Cross Bones Flag" and readied his cannons.
Fancy Feline Awards Announced for 2010
Top Cougar: Demi Moore
Top Bobcat: Sandra Bullock
Ferule Cat: Lindsay Lohan
Frisky Kitty: Miley Cyrus
Jumbo Cat: Kirstie Alley
2007 Cheney list of GITMO Detainees shows O'Bomba as New Arrival
The Dickster Obviously Knew Something the Rest Didn't.
New Tennessee Coach Dooley Promises "Integrity"
Immediately sets out to sign several High School Football players with SAT scores of 550 or less.
Academic integrity is assured!
bRUSH your BUSH 2012 Campaign Slogan:
Keep In Mind People, "Jesus was America's First Christian", and Sarah Palin verified that as Biblical fact.
Limbaugh: No Aid to Haiti: Those who Donate will Be Hexed!
The Rush Hour Recommendation is to use the Battle Ships and Carriers off Haiti now, to finish what God started with an earthquake- complete extermination of all evil Haitians.
"Rush to Justice"
Arnold Shwartzenegger Forgets He Is Not Acting on Terminator IV
Flies through the doors to the State Capital on Suped Up Motorcycle, blows doors down to the legislature with sawed off Shotgun, then strafes legislature with a UZI before taking podium
Go Arnold!
No Environmental Impact Statement Required
President Obama has ordered the EPA to waive the requirement for an EIS regarding the US sending earthquake relief supplies to Haiti! The EIS hearings would have delayed the needed aid by a year.
Democratic Far Left Wing Strategy
Democratic far left wing strategy has been uncovered! These ideological whiners call every moderate rational thinker who doesn't agree with their positions racist right wingers.
Bring Back Cromwell Rally
Some in the UK are fed up with Prime Minister Harold Brown! A "Bring Back Oliver Cromwell" rally is to be held in London in a fortnight.
Arse Hole of the World Identified
The search for the "Arse Hole of the World" is over! Nostradamus in 1530 identified it to be a gay city by a bay, with two large bridges, on the left side of a continent and prone to earthquakes.
You Knew it was Coming
Loony left USA hater Danny Glover "blames global warming for the Haiti earthquake!" He added, the hot air & harmful gases are being generated by House Speaker Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Reid.
Leona Lewis in hospital after bleeding out.
"We should have got her to the E.R. when she first told us she kept bleeding" her manager commented.
Moscow Highway Drivers See Porn Films On Billboards
The apparent work of hackers, drivers gave the film a five star rating while causing ten accidents.
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