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Rating:

The Pope Claims That the Cold Spell Is Work of Devil

Speaking from the Vatican today, the Pope blames the devil for the European cold snap. He says that people will be queueing up to spend eternity in the relatively warm atmosphere of hell.

written by IN SEINE, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Cold Doesn't Disprove Warming?

Experts: Cold snap doesn't disprove Global Warming. Could simply be Hillary getting into more countries as Secretary of State.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Mind Reading Taught Here, But You Knew That

More and more people are applying for quick-learning mind-reading practice for jobs at airport security, although first graduates headed for Las Vegas.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

More Fries Sold In December

New Mafia controlled Micky D's say 'You Will have fries with that', even if it's a cone of ice cream.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Simpsons celebrate 20 years, The Spoof 200 (hours) if you're mad enough!

Congrats to The Simpsons, 20 years, but nothing compared to The Spoof's 200 (hours) if you're senile enough to enjoy the brilliance here. Homer please leave the bar, the Spoofers have arrived!

written by Jaggedone, 14 January 2010
Rating:

"Are You Over 65?"

Hospitals in US quit buying wrist bracelets and begin purchasing toe tags as new healthcare plan gets closer.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Beer Conference All A-Buzz

US military drones being caught in big nets, reprogrammed with Obama White House coordinates.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

If You Want Us To Fail, True

High unemployment, home loses, bankrupted America all good signs according to Obama spinners.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Offered $10 M In Oil Money, Penthouse Cave

Conan O'Brien may leave NBC to become press agent for Osama Bin Laden.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Sex Robots

Pimps purchasing sex robots from Japan to take to Star Trek/Star Wars conventions.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Groundbreaking Study

Study: Rapid morphine treatment may prevent morphine withdrawal problems.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Google attempt to buy China!

Google want to buy China, well 55% of it. Sick of the Chinese government spying on their clients Google have put in an audacious bid, Pandas too!

written by Jaggedone, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Officials Say Deal Recahed on Health Bill Tax

All those with good health will be taxed until they have none.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 14 January 2010
Rating:

TSA, With 2,000 Executives Pulling $ 175K Or More.......

Can't explain why they can't find guns on passengers at airports or why an 8 year old cub scout is on the "Terror Watch List".

The New World Order at Work.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 14 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Tells Banks: We Want Our Money Back

Banks Tell O'Bama: It was never "Your Money" and is isn't now as well. You only borrow it at interest!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 14 January 2010
Rating:

How's That Again?

Britney Spears may play member of the Bush family in upcoming movie.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

"Milk For Free"

New study shows that prostitution profits in Las Vegas down as number of students at UNLV campus doubles.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Don't Blame Cows

Cows protest that they wouldn't release so much methane if you'd quit artificially fertilizing grass, according to Gary Larson.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

They'rs Both Experts

Group of politicians visiting zoo become involved in poo flinging war with monkeys.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

UFO File Released

The British government has released the latest UFO file. It is much larger than the ones we use. Probably means they have long fingernails, say experts.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Pulled Out In Front Of Me

Small Indian car that costs $1,000 and gets 75 miles per gallon, ran over by Amish buggy.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Paris France?

Paris Hilton says that the rumor that she married bodyguard Charles France after getting plastered, "Untrue".

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Curb Drinking Down

French hope to curb drinking accidents by creating law where other drinkers can be fined if they don't go outside and get him back into bar.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

"We're Legal Hon!"

Same family marriages legalized in Arkansas. Most agree that they already were.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Peace Plan For Peace Prize Next Year

President Obama offers middle east peace plan that would give the state of Wyoming to Israel. Cheney upset.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Sleep Talker

'Don't put the duck there. It's totally irresponsible.''Someone's put a dress on penis boy'. Sleep-talking husband's hilarious lines become internet sensation

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Recognizes Mistake

British Government apologizes for thalidomide scandal. "I guess we did go a bit wrong there", says health minister.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Kept At It

Male therapist at top health spa 'sexually molested' four women during massages, one fifteen times.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

"I Kissed A Girl" Katy Perry Reveals All

On her website - "Yes, it's true, I'm not having a baby - I'm having quads!"

written by Tcoah, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Minute Hand

of Doomsday Clock will be moved today - it's going to the Vatican.

written by Tcoah, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Alzheimer Priorty?

Dementia disgrace: Ministers break promise on making Alzheimer's a national priority. "It completely slipped our minds", says official.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

"Think I Should Have Turned There."

Snow blindness: Just how did this pensioner see out of her windscreen while totally covered with snow? "Women's intuition!"

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Weatherman Over The Limit?

Britain hit by snowfalls every day for last four weeks, me thinks, but forecast thaw brings 'flash floods, stuck in muds, use some suds, hydroplaning buds' warning.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

New Cause Of Discrimination

Crass has replaced race as the main cause of discrimination in Britain, claims Labor. Excuse me, that should have been, 'Class'.


written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Weather Prediction from the Met Office:

"Early morning mist" wherein 'all around' seems impenetrable. Expect some 'curve balls' and intense close up observation on government agencies by a non-government power.

written by Tcoah, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Squatters Move A Ways

The Romanians squatters have left No 76 and moved to a house just up the street. "Wherever they squat, they leave a mess", says official.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Passenger Disrupts Flight

Passenger charged in Denver with disrupting crew as he insisted on dancing after fifth drink.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

United Joins Others In Fee Charges

United Airlines matches baggage fee increases. Tells Delta, Continental "We'll see your raise & raise you another five bucks."

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

"Chin Like A Extra Ass Cheek"

Are Leno, O'Brien going at it? Possibly, say fans, as all their jokes last night were about each other.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Obese Leveling Off

Data: US obesity rate high, but not rising as customers have to stay within width of doors to groceries, restaurants.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Left A Trail

Houston: Space station in no danger of piss from unknown object that 'whizzed' by yesterday.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Drinking Piss Goes To Brain

International Space Station crew perform spacewalk, Swan Lake type dance.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Doesn't Add Up

Record year for foreclosures as unemployment rises despite Democrats claiming two million jobs added, saved.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Obama Seeking Taxes

AP source: Obama seeking tax on biggest banks, businesses and everyone and everything that moves.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

No-Fly Zone?

Year after Hudson River jet landing, fear remains for birds in the area. Also, spiders worry about no-fly zone.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Violence In Iran

Dueling protests erupt ten paces from late Iran professor's funeral.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Quicker That Way

Iraq sentences 11 to death for government bombings. Instead of hanging, they will be used to clear roadside bombs before vehicles.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Woo Is Us

Obama to woo House Democrats on health care deal at three day beer conference.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Female Violence

Study: 1 in 4 female teens involved in violence. Usually about every 30 days.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Gun Safely Aboard

Officials say security screeners at a Bozeman-area airport failed to spot a gun in a passenger's luggage last month, but man turns himself in. "My other 'Gun' may have blocked it."

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

New Cash Album

Johnny Cash releasing another posthumous album, "Knocking On Heaven's Door".

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Republicans Like Thune

Daschle-dashing Thune in 2012 mix for Republicans as South Dakota's large number of electoral votes could sway 2012 election.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Barack Obama Suspended After Having Sex with Osama Bin Laden

'Nuff said!

written by AnThOnY hAyEs, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Parents Warned

Parents warned against use of cheap kids' jewelry. "You look really silly wearing those things."

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Pendergrass Dead At 59

R&B singer Pendergrass dead in Pa. at 59. So "If You Don't Know Me By Now, you will never never know me."

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Long Arm of the Law Just Got Shorter

Tiverton and Devon police have just signed on Britain's shortest policeman who is just 5 foot tall. However, his arms DO reach the floor and he also has access to a couple of house bricks.

written by IN SEINE, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Rumor of Trees on Mars

First Dog Bo Obama is thrilled and plans a watering expedition to Mars. "Bummer," Bo barks, when the tree rumor proves to be false.

written by Gail Farrelly, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Man jailed for tree murder.

A local New York man who murdered a tree as part of a revenge plot for a paper cut has been jailed today for 67 years after he was found guilty of 1st degree murder of tree Mark Branch.

written by OhWhatsHisName, 14 January 2010
Rating:

NBC's New Programming

NBC is to bring back the "Howdy Doody Show" starting at 10:00 PM. After the local news "The Tonight Show" starting at 11:30 PM will be hosted by Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien jointly.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Health Care Bill Unconstitutional

US Supreme Court declares Health Care Bill mandating everyone buy health insurance unconstitutional. The ruling comes after the voters unseated House Speaker Pelosi & Senate Majority Leader Reid!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Apology Accepted

Donald Duck has apologized to Daffy Duck for his remarks about Daffy's feather color and strange dialect quack!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

It's Official

Political Scientists have found the cause of the reelection of President George W Bush in 2004. It was Senator John Kerry!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Advertisement Removal

PETA has removed an unauthorized picture of Michele Obama from their advertisements. An anonymous government source said "President Obama threatened to send in a SEAL team."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Bird Strikes Eliminated

The FAA has issued a new regulation mandating birds not to fly between 5:00 AM and 9:00PM. This rule should eliminate the frequency of bird strikes.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

A Republican!

Massachusetts voters may just elect the state's first Republican Senator in 40 years. To which Senator John Kerry said "what's a Republican?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Four Billion Plant March Planned

Four billion green plants are coming to Washington DC to surround the EPA. March organizers and participants are very upset about the EPA declaring Carbon Dioxide a harmful gas.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Only in America.....Does Complete Stupidity Rule

College students were asked why our economy is based on money lending or "usury"

Most had queer looks before concluding that the "Fed borrows money from the King of England and they loan it to us"

written by Richard DagNabbit, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Low Tolerance For Idiots

Mime setting up for the first time on the Streets of Laredo found shot 247 times.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

Vat We Doo?

Big sneeze during glue sniffing in closet leaves two Jersey brothers practically Siamese twins.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
Rating:

One Worry Lifted

School children in the United States to forgo most shots as most are receiving enough antibiotics in meat and drinking water.

written by Bureau, 14 January 2010
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4th
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51
10th
90
11th
83
12th
98
13th
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91
16th
57
17th
63
18th
83
19th
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