Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 9 February 2010
Bet she was a right she-devil
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = A Daemon Had Jihad Mum
Osama Bin Laden & Ayman Al Zawahiri?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Madmen, A Ham Jihad Duo
Wandering holy warrior was singing from his hymn sheet!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Made A Jihad Nomad Hum
Website's down?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Uh, Had A Jammed Domain
Let's hope it's not a grenade!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = A Humid Jade Hand Ammo
These martial arts guys!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Hah! A Damned Judo Imam!
Damned pilgrims always complaining!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Uh, A Dammed Hadji Moan
Rolled him around in some muck
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Aha, Mama Muddied John
And make sure it's full of whisky!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Uh, Mama, Add A Demijohn
Protests in the street
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Uh, A Madman Jihad Demo
Mrs Bonkers is part of his team!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = A Madam Mad Joined, Huh?
Global Cooling After Warming
Scientists predict a wold cooling after everything under water from global warming, cools off. Huge sigh of relief, beginnings of parties, heard around the world.
Starkers holy war cathouse keeper?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Oh, Am Nude Jihad Madam
Green-eyed monster's on the prowl after him
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = A Jade Madam Hound Him
Nothing alien about this one
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Doh! A Jaded Human Imam
Toyota Rescheduled New model
Japan' Toyota car maker say they have scrapped their new car aimed at teens called "The Kamikaze Hybrid" until after recent problems solved.
He's warring against the aliens!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Dead Human Jihad Ammo
At a crossroads
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Um, Add Imam Ahead, John
She was wet before she died
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = John, A Dead Humid Mama
"Just Spin Yourself Around & Around On Bar Stool!"
Jim Beam introduces new "Jimbo", the non-alcoholic bourbon!
Sure is sticky in her lavatory!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Madame Ada Humid John
New Palin Book Has Photos
Sarah Palin book not for kids. "What kids want to see their mother nearly naked? Well, besides that little freak, Harvey in Juneau?"
Iranian president is hexed!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Damn Him, A Jade Ham Duo
Iran president's just a martial arts amateur!
Mahmloud Ahmadinejad = I'm A Handmade Judo Ham
Poll Worker Retires
Long time Poll volunteer quits after helping people cast their vote Democrat for 40 years. "I'm tired of wiping up the piss from the floor. Where do they find these people?"
Marmalade all over this hybrid!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Had A Jammed Humanoid
John Goodman Going Green..Brown.
John Goodman releases new illustrated booklet, "How to wipe your ass by using only one roll of toilet paper".
Harrassed Ayatollah's mother?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Hounded A Jihad Mamma
Terrorists' brothelkeeper?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Doh! A Mujahedin Madam
Hoping For Something Better
Local man hits rock bottom as he has to take purple pills to have sex with doll.
Rating's bewitched!
Vanessa Perroncel = Naval Creeper's Son
No good rotten tricks...
Vanessa Perroncel = Perverse Anal Cons
No good will ever come of probing this one...
Vanessa Perroncel = Never Anal Process
Proctologist's delight!
Vanessa Perroncel = Corpse's Anal Nerve
She's just a big bum!
Vanessa Perroncel = Proven Anal Recess
So that's where the biro went....
Vanessa Perroncel = Recovers Anal Pens
Joss-stick up yer bum!
Vanessa Perroncel = Proves Anal Censer
"Those Silly Guys" (Sheds A Tear)
Mob hit man drugged in coffee wakes up to find his feet in cement with hammer and chisel near-by, as birthday prank.
Did she once appear in an erotic version of 'Alien'?
Vanessa Perroncel = Larvae Porn Scenes
The Gunners' police mascot?
Vanessa Perroncel = Arsenal Cops? Never!
Bet That's Where Saying Came From!
Mob informer fished out of East River with concrete shoes and a rubber hose up his nose.
She's got absolutely no time for The Gunners' vice-president
Vanessa Perroncel = Scorn Arsenal Veep
Rival premiership club's witchcraft agents?
Vanessa Perroncel = Arsenal Coven Reps
Flaming cheek of the woman!
Vanessa Perroncel = Rascal's Open Nerve
Waterway jam tomorrow?
Vanessa Perroncel = No Canal Preserves
Something fishy about this one!
vanessa Perroncel = Eel Porn Canvasser
Just an erotic dish?
Vanessa Perroncel = Arcane Porn Vessel
X-Ray's kinda weird!
Vanessa Perroncel = Revels No Pancreas
Party food sluts are just plain wrong about her!
Vanessa Perroncel = Canape Slovens Err
She knows Ronnie Biggs is tetchy about collecting his OBE
Vanessa Perroncel = Ron's Palace Nerves
Went on Ronnie Biggs shopping trip to the Duvey Cover Emporium
Vanessa Perroncel = Ron's Valance Spree
Al Gore Stakes Claim To More Inventions Besides Internet
"I invented Kentucky Fried Chicken and watermelon because we had to have something to feed our ex-slaves in the south."
So what's her point?
Vanessa Perroncel = Serves No Parlance
Al Gore Stakes Claim To More Inventions Besides Internet
"I invented the female orgasm. It's never worked with my ice queen wife Tipper, but the girls in college loved it!"
Third Time Liver
David Crosby headed for England for two organ transplants. He's scheduled to receive a new kidney in Liverpool.
Little Miss Lucidity?
Vanessa Perroncel = A Proven Clearness
Al Gore Stakes Claim To More Inventions Besides Internet
"I'm responsible for no one finding Barack Obama's birth certificate because of my invisible paper and disappearing ink."
Al Gore Stakes Claim To More Inventions Besides Internet
"I invented the Tea Bag, and just look at what the Republicans have gone and done with it!"
Proletariat rubbish, she?
Vanessa Perroncel = A Prole Cravenness
Al Gore Stakes Claim To More Inventions Besides Internet
"I also invented the WonderBra...anything to make good titties look bigger!"
Was she peddling Star Wars weapons?
Vanessa Perroncel = Lasers' Provenance
Obama Not Worried About Palin
Asked about possibility of Sarah Palin running against him in 2012, Obama told his followers yesterday, "My beer conferences will out draw her tea parties, 2-1!"
She's part of the televised mess
Vanessa Perroncel = Onscreen Palavers
A Real Rallying Point
A lot has changed since Obama's slogan "Yes, We Can" to 2012 planned, "It's not our fault that all the good ones got shot!"
"Wait Till I Get My Hands...."
Miami man tracks down and attacks facebook 'friend' after receiving open message: "Don't worry about it. I bet it happens to a lot of older guys. There are pills you know!"
But He Keeps Trying
Fort Knox Drill Sergeant not doing well picking up gals with his smooth line: "Bet you'd like to know why I'm called a 'drill' sergeant?"
No Don Juan
Fort Knox Drill Sergeant not doing well picking up gals with his smooth line "Soldier Gal, I'm admiring your imposing frontal mammary tissue rounds, two each."
Iran deny becoming a Nuclear Power, they only want to "Warm the soup up"
Iran have denied wanting to become a Nuclear power instead they claim that the nuclear energy will be used solely for Iranian mums in the kitchens for warming up the SOUP. "PULL THE OTHER ONE!"
Danish Dog with Nose for Money
Dani$h Cu$tom$ & Exci$e have a new dog named Mullah who can $niff out money in large quantitie$. They bought the dog from $ir Fred Goodwin of Ediburgh, who trained him on hi$ pen$ion money. .
CJ & Fish New Album
Country Joe and the Fish reunite to do new version of Ray Stevens "A Crab The Arab"
Brazil don't want Ronaldinho, but he wants to be English!
In a shock press conference Ronaldinho has declared "I want to become English" He can't wait to play with Rooney and his best mate Becks and Capello was last seen dribbling at the thought!
New Fish Album
Country Joe and the Fish reunite to do new version of Abba's "Mahi-mahi".
Joe Talking Too Much Again
VP Joe Biden says he meant to say "according to our own constitution", not prostitution.
Obama Changing Stragedy?
Super Bowl Party having an effect on President Obama. "In Afghanistan, we may go right up the middle. Taliban defense spread out."
I Think I'll Pass
Astronauts may have to return early after forgetting the Beano.
Gravity Claims Another One
A sign of the times: "Will Work For Cosmetic Surgery!"
At Least Twice A Day
Dentist in Cleveland writes new book on his recommendations and flossify.
Long For this World?
New study shows that taller people stay in bed longer than others.
Government Demands Clean-Up
Branch of the Mississippi River, called the "Colon" of the United States, now named "Shit Creek" near chicken plant.
Kate Gosselin (of Jon and Kate Plus Eight) Cuts Off Her Hair Extensions
Bidding will open on e-bay at noon for the celebrity locks.
Bragging about snow fall levels on Eastern Seaboard confuses women
Usually, when a man says he'd got fifteen inches, he's talking about something else.
White House Invites GOP Leaders For Summit To Discuss Health Care Reform
Remember, always avoid the grape kool-aid (poisoned drink of choice for Jim Jones and other mass murderers)
Defiant Iran Accelerates Nuclear Program
Next step is learning that it is not pronounced "nuke-yule-err," regardless of what Bush said.
Former Different Strokes Star Gary Coleman Pleads Guilty
What can we say, he's a former child star.
No More "I Don't recall"?
Scientists say that they have made a breakthrough in ways to stimulate the brain to reverse memory loss. Politicians say it's voodoo politics.
Monument Name Copiers Needed
Study shows that President Barack Obama held a 2-1 edge over John McCain in dead voters. GOP to campaign in more cemeteries in 2012.
Sneaky, Sneaky
Rumors: Chinese Advance Men have been spotted near Area 51 north of Las Vegas. They are said to be making an offer for the set of the NASA faked Moon Landing. Damn, these guys copy everything.
Another Fight Brewing!
Democrats Demand inquiry into destroyed CIA tapes. Republicans demand to know what Clinton papers Sandy Berger stole out of files by hiding them in his pants.
Mars Colonies More Likely
Al Gore now claims that the earth's global warming has spread to Mars.
Still A Few Left
Punxsutawney Phil predicts readership of TheSpoof to pick up in latter half of 2010, once last naked person on the earth story recorded.
Hey, Stagflation! Alright!
President Obama gets S&M enthusiasts excited by mentioning "stagflation", before they look up the word.
Houses Slump
Washington politicians say housing slump is not their fault. "It's the weight of these global warming record snows."
Ran Back Into Hole
Punxsutawney Phil predicts three more years of Boring Obama speeches about health care.
"Is Daddy Dead?"
Even 'third-hand' smoke, chili fumes are dangerous, especially to children!
Developing Prehensive Tail
Brown ditches his KitKats for NINE bananas a day diet to look 'radiant' for General Election. Plans t swing through all major cities.
Could Replace MSG?
Bottled deliciousness: Tubes of Taste No 5 set to greatly revolutionize cooking with fifth taste.
Dr. Seuss: "Stars On Thars"
Labour could pay Green Bellied snitches to shop benefit cheat neighbours in new crackdown on welfare fraud.
Worse Than Ever
'Bottom-flashing' hospital gowns replaced by new 'modesty' version with accompanying diaper.
Maybe To Beautiful Haiti, Ethiopia
We are living in broken Britain - and almost half of us want to emigrate, says poll.
Troops In Trouble
Eight British soldiers have been accused of going on a Violent rampage left 4 people hospitalised in popular Canary Islands resort restaurant on Saturday night. Claim it was a pre-Super Bowl Party.
Indian Suspends GM Crop
India suspends first Genetically Modified food crop on safety grounds, as first crop bit back at them.
A Hoarse Who Dat Nation Savors Saints' Victory
"Who dat say who dat every time I say who dat?"
Madonna Upset
Angelina Jolie to visit Haiti with UN refugee body. "We'd be up shit creek without her", hams UN Rep.
Found Behind Lead Toy Factory
China finds 170 more tons of tainted milk powder. Make producers mix and drink it.
Hacker Training Stopped
Chinese police shut down hacker training business as they were proving to be better than the governments own.
Climate Change May Be 'Cooling'
The Obama administration on Monday proposed a new agency to study and report on the changing climate. But nobody around as snow cancels sessions for second day.
Iran Sanctions Demanded
Gates wants Iran sanctions in 'weeks, not months' but politicians point out that they may be snowed out until Spring.
First Lady Battle Obesity
First lady begins fight against childhood obesity. "We will be giving out free hula hoops. "Well, the taxpayers will."
Obama Had Good Year
First lady: President Obama had 'phenomenal year'. Sorry about the rest of you.'
Saints Still Marching In
Parade to give another jolt of Saints euphoria although broken flood wall could dampen spirits.
"Put her Up On The Rack"
Astronauts inspect shuttle on way to space station, stop for a quick lube job.
Anti-whalers, Japanese Still Fighting
After Japanese launch sneak water cannon attack during the night.
Instead, We Overcharge
UN slams Haitian hospitals for charging patients. "Those things don't happen here!"
Wary GOP
GOP wary of pitfalls, Nancy Pelosi Pit Bull, in Obama's health care summit.
Record Snows Continue
Another major storm headed to snowy Mid-Atlantic, Al Gore's house.
Iran Aglow
Defiant Iran accelerates nuclear program. Whole country lit up at night, say those aboard space shuttle.
Hand, Nose Prints
Ringo Starr honored with Walk of Fame star, stumbles, falls nose first into concrete.
Whales Watching People This Time
Anti-whalers, Japanese fleet fire water cannons, drop water balloons.
The California Anthem
Officials ask Anthem to justify rate hike in California. "And we don't want to hear that same old song!"
Beer May Be Good For Your Bones
The same way beans are good for your heart.
Too Much Snow, Ice
Weather closes government offices a second day as Global Warming Conference may have to be called off.
Study Causes Cancer?
Sugary soft drinks linked to pancreatic cancer: study. All studies are ordered to stop.
Tower Closed
World's tallest tower closed a month after opening. Now it's the world's largest leaning tower.
Another Accident
Fires strike 2 more east Texas churches. Islamic Match & Lighter factory say they know nothing about it.
Make Way Pamplona
Alabama senator releases holds on Obama nominees. Today may be first Running Of The Bulls..Shit.
That Should Do It
Toyota says it is recalling about 437,000 Prius and other hybrid vehicles worldwide to fix brake problems caused by faulty wiring, by sending widgets to place below gas pedal.
Paul Gascoigne arrested again
Paul Gascoigne has been arrested at a hotel in Darlington
after he got drunk and caused a war doing a Gazza Strip.
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas has asked the USA
KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU would you TAKE A CHANCE ON ME.
Irishman wants to know
Irishman Sean O'Brien want to know why Iran needs a higher grade Aquarium it all sounds a bit fishy.
New "Modesty" Hospital Gowns Introduced
New "modesty" gowns are to be introduced into hospitals to prevent the bottom from being exposed and causing embarrassment. However, to do so may involve yards or even acres of extra material.
Usain Bolt the fastest man in the World
Usain Bolt the fastest man in the World wants
to break the world record in Iran.
Patrick Moore the well known astronomer
Patrick Moore the well known astronomer claims that
Asteroids are hitting Uranus
Katie Price or Jordan
Katie Price or Jordan married Alex Reid
because she was going bust
Austin Morris Recalls Morris Minor
93 year-old Austin Morris living in a nursing home in Somerset, recalls his 1948 Morris Minor."It was a jolly good car which never let me down - 'twas much better than this Japanese stuff," he said.
Afghans to Play Big Role in U.S. Offensive
Conducting body counts after the fighting is over for the American press.
Analysis: Where does the Tea Party Go Now?
California - where they can now have a Pot Party.
Upcoming Healthcare Talks to be Televised
GOP Moves in for the kill shot.
Key Themes from O'Bomba State of the Union Speech
1. As I've said before many times
2. It may appear that we aren't making progress
3. I'm still pushing on O'bombacare
4. The Depression never happened
5. Good times are "Right Around the Corner."
Letterman to Appear in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Ediiton Tonight
Quick, blind the kids!
Somebody's watching me
Scientists have discovered the force that enables you to know when somebody is watching you. They have called this new force Peer Pressure.
In This Climate
Doctor I.C. Cloud from Bristol University is going to be discussing global warming next week, in what is expected to be quite a heated topic.
Americans Jailed for Taking Parent-less Haitian Kids
Rush Limbaugh Suggests the U.S. send Haiti Our Parent-less kids that are "sucking up" taxpayer dollars.
Go Rush!
Is there Any Way Out of Europe's Debt Morass?
Step 1. Pass law banning use of red ink.
Step 2. Burn all dictionaries
Step 3. Follow Worldcom/MCI Accounting Procedures and start recording all expenses as assets.
Done.
Man Found Dead In Landing Gear Well of JFK to Tokyo Jet
Friends say he just wanted a flying start to the Giant Slalom on top of Mt. Fugi.
"Beer May be Good for Your Bones" Report Spurs Sales
Arm Chair Quarterbacks now purchasing multi-case lots; say beer is health aid.
O'Bomba Trys to Cozy up to Wall St.
Wall St. Chief offers O'bomba Shoe Shiner Boy Position.
O'Bomba's Health Care Summit Just for Show?
Not really, this is HCS #3 of 10 scheduled through 2012. Vote to be held in 2013 if O'Bomba re-elected.
Actor Gary Coleman Pleads Guilty in Utah Court; Gets Break
The actor told the judge he should get a shorter sentence because he is short. Judge reduces 32 day sentence to 31 1/2 days in Jail.
Dubai Skyscraper's 2,700 Foot High Observation Deck Closed
So Six Flags Magic Mountain can Build Parachute Ride Outside the Observation Deck.
Britain's Iraq War Inquiry Turns tro Bush Officials
Well lets' see, it was either Tony Baloney blowing Bush or Bush blowing Tony Baloney
I go with Tony Baloney blowing Bush some mighty fine Air.
Nicole Kidman Stars in New Film
The film, entitled "When Good Films Happen to Bad Actresses"
has not reviewed well and is expected to go directly to video.
Michele O'Bomba Gets New Advertising Gig
Using Space Shuttle O-Ring, will model a reinvented Hula Hoop.
Airlines to Charge In-Flight Rental Fees for Blankets and Pillows
The $8 dollar fee is for a flight attendant to put on latex gloves and remove the grimy, germ laden pieces of crap from your lap or overhead bin.
Jubak: "Growth won't Dig U.S. out of This Hole"
So dig a bigger hole.
O'Bombs Away!
McItaly Burger Controversial in Own Country
The Burger features Italian Salami between two stolen postal letters with counterfeit coins back from your 25 Euro Note.
GOP Cool to O'Bomba on Health Care Talks
As GOP Leadership Attempts to Convince O'Bomba his health care is not in jeopardy and neither is theirs.
Palin Defenders Go into Overdrive
Rushing the Revolutionary Diva to the last resting place of Jefferson Davis.
Govt. Newborn Blood Research Angers Parents
As part of the Pentagon's new alternative plan to "Don't ask, don't tell", babies will now be blood tested and then branded if the "gay boy" gene is identified. Thus no one will have to ask or tell.
Was Chase Ignoring Mortgage Rules?
For a measly couple of $ Trillion selling worthless salami slices?
Hell Yeah!
Can we ever Trust Wall St. Again?
Oh, sure, the good buddies just made a little mistake here and there...
Angelina Jolie Tries to Stop Smoking
Uses electronic cigarette that blows up.
Leaving each lip looking like 1/4 cantaloupe.
Saints Pulled Off Sports World Surprise
Yet the bookies made out. How?
Alan Greenspan Fights Back
Says usury monetary systems are still the only way.
"After all, just look how much money I made from the Money Lenders During MY Tenure.
Credit Card Companies Coming Clean
Fully Disclosing the Fact that they are Screwing All Cardholders.
Elizabeth Smart Kidnapper Pleads Guilty
Says Kidnapping Smart wasn't too Smart.
Why Tax Credits Could Blow Away
O'Bombacare costs money, where else to get it if not from the O'Bomba Carettes?
Representative John Murtha Dies after Simple Surgery
The seemingly simple laparoscopic surgery was performed by Dr. Rushed Limabugh, who said "I guess I must have pushed the needles in a little too far, too fast."
Oops, Bummer.
Father of Medical Marijuana Speaks
"Every Body Needs a Little Dope."
Notes on Palin's Hand Stir Buzz
What appears to be a series of occult symbols for speech "Speak of the Devil, Here I Am"
Climate Change Agency
The Obama administration is proposing a new agency to study and report on climate change. Now US citizens will have their own source of falsified data, without having to get it from UK or UN studies.
What is a Political Independent?
A political independent is a moderate American voter, of either party, who stood in place while the Democrats moved to the loony left and the Republicans moved to the loony right, on various issues.
Let's Hear it for Bush
New Orleans Democratic far left wing liberals were seen cheering for Bush, Reggie that is! Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints on winning the Super Bowl.
Have I got a Deal for You
LONE RANGER: State run lotteries, Power Ball, Bingo and Indian gambling casinos are OK, but Internet Poker is not good. TONTO: Some Washington DC politicians continue to talk with a forked tongue.
TV Commercials
Acting and writing schools are raising tuition costs and admission requirements to reduce their class sizes. This can be seen by the airheads who write and act in TV commercials.
How to Irritate a Democrat
Do you want to really annoy your Democratic liberal left wing associates? Just say you are going to vote for Sarah Palin for president in the 2012 election!
Rabbit Food
Scientist says that the way rabbits multiply, they could be a great food for the future of an overpopulated earth. "One male bred with my hand while I was putting him in the the female."
Kidnapped By Aliens
A couple in upstate New York claim that they were kidnapped by aliens and made to work for two years on their marijuana farm somewhere down south. "We had no choice, resistance was feudal."
Another Bela Lagosi
Robert Pattinson tells interviewer that if he's only remembered in Hollywood as playing a vampire, all his training as an actor would be in vein.
Obama/Republican Discussion
The Republicans accepting President Obama's discussion on health care has raised a few eyebrows. Actually, Nancy Pelosi's eyebrows were already raised, currently just under her hairline.
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