Order by:
Rating:

New England Captain's Plea To Squad

Anybody got Vanessa Perroncel's mobile number?

written by Skoob1999, 06 February 2010
Rating:

UK Gripped By Superbowl Fever

Unprecedented numbers of Brits opt for an early night.

written by Skoob1999, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Dog wins equivalent of VC for Animals

An eight-year-old labrador has been awarded the Dickin Medal for outstanding bravery. A total of 26 dogs have been awarded the medal whereas only one cat has. Proof that cats are a waste of space.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Government Saving a Packet!

In a bid to ban advertising cigarettes, the government has let manufacturers sell them in plain packets. Much of the cost of printing fancy boxes will be cut. However, the price WILL remain the same.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

J.P. Morgan's Dimon Scores $ 16M Bonus

The outrage, was tempered by release of data showing Spoof .com's Mark Lowton received $ 17M Bonus.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Get a condom on that mongrel or else!

Tottenham Hotspur = Sheath Mutt Pronto

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

"Tea Party" Conventioners Eagerly Await Savior Palin

= large group of chumps awaiting sellout.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

What's Ahead for Wall St. Stock Brokers

Unknown, but sure to make YOU broker.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

US Banks Holding 6 Year Inventory of Foreclosed Homes

Number of Homeless in US reaching Unprecedented Thresholds.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

March of the morons

Manchester City = Thy cretins came

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Key to Remaining Boom Towns in US

All are built around new prisons

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

A New Cure Discovered

When Boris Grouch of Gloucester went to the doctors' with a minor cough, the General Practioner laughed at him. When Boris became upset, the doctor told him that laughter was the best medicine!

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Is it true they're all morons?

Manchester City = Ace Cretins Myth

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Part of the frigid sorority?

manchester City = Artic Hymen Set

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

For gawdssake don't you dare ejaculate until your scrotum's warmer!!!

Manchester City = Thy Arctic Semen

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Around the time of that virginity exam!

Manchester City = Circa Hymen Test

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Always Ran Out Of Brown

"The Underwear Bomber's Children's Coloring Book" being pulled from shelves at all Barnes & Nobel bookstores.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Tumor taxes

Manchester City = My Cancer Tithes

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Spanner, monkey wrench etc

Manchester City = Try Mechanic Set

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Not sexual, though

Manchester City = Enact Chemistry

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Please, don't put this on your stawberries!

Manchester City = Synthetic Cream

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Elasticated Top Gun flier?

Manchester City = Stretchy Iceman

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Tally Ban For the Fairer Sex

Women have finally found acceptance in virtually every occupation in India except bookkeeping. With all the progress, there's still no accounting for women.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Nothing secular about their attempt

Manchester City = Catechism Entry

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Always said they were ants...

Manchester City = Chancy Termites

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Eine kleine nacht musik?

Manchester United = Charmed Nite Tunes

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Dab of perfume for the predator

Manchester United = I'm A Scented Hunter

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Uncle too!

Manchester United = Christened Me Aunt

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Afghan Audits Impossible

Shopkeepers in Kabul say that it is impossible to do inventories in their shops because of the tally ban.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Blocked toilet?

Manchester United = A Cemented Shit Urn

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Clapped Romney's celibate

Manchester United = Cheered A Mitt's Nun

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Entirely New Crossbreed of Dog

The scientists at Oxford University have successfully crossed a Staffordshire Bull Terrier with a Shih Tzu and are open to suggestions on what to call the crossbreed.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Allowances for slimmer porn

Manchester United = Cede A Thinner Smut

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Didn't deserve this stink

Manchester United = A Stench Unmerited

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Prevent some guy with an erection?

Manchester United = Hinder A Tumescent

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Gobsmacked, really

Manchester United = A Hermetic Stunned

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Bet he pongs!

Manchester United = A Unscented Hermit

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Senior Democrat involved?

Manchester United = Murtha Tendencies

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Evidence of Communism in the Insect World

Scientists at Durham University have discovered evidence of Communism in the insect kingdom. It first took off when a wary wasp joined the cagey bee.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

She's on hardcore surety

Bristol Palin = Bail List Porn

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

She'll be loaded one day

Bristol Palin = Trap Billions

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Kids ride bareback

Bristol Palin = Brats Pillion

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

He's part of the consipiracy?

Todd Palin = Dad In Plot

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

He ebbs and flows according to the monthly forecast

Todd Palin = Tidal Pond

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Alaska First Dude just trouser tool?

Todd Palin = Pant Dildo

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Amazing Archaeological Find

Archaeologists in the English County of Wiltshire have found part of an ancient door.
Interestingly, It had a stone hinge on it.

written by IN SEINE, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Initiate a Pal?

Rio Ferdinand = Ordain Friend

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

New England captain's a bit robotic

Rio Ferdinand - Finer Android

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

He's a slippery fish

George Clooney = Yo, GO Conger Eel!

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

A pox on thy fetid aftershave, George...

George Clooney = Ye Cologne Ogre

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Single Teutonic smallholding for this movie actor...

Morgan Freeman = One German Farm

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Actor's a badass diver!

Morgan Freeman = Meaner Frogman

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Nah, she can't be that bad...

Sandra Bullock = Anal Clubs Dork

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Fellating some dumb titled guy?

Sandra Bullock = Suck Banal Lord

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Something fishy, if cliched, about Our Sandra!

Sandra Bullock = Banal Cod Lurks

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Involved in murky cults stuff?

Sandra Bullock = Cabal Lord Sunk

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

She smears SP factor 50 all over her porky ass

Sandra Bullock = A Lard Sunblock

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Hubble bubble toil and trouble....

Sandra Bullock = Balks Cauldron

written by queen mudder, 06 February 2010
Rating:

I like Andrex Quilted toilet rolls and I like Charmin Ultra Soft. But which one's best?

There's only one way to find out....

SHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE

written by Bill Licks, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Dogs and Cats breed faster than rabbits

Official: UK cat and dog population up by 4 million.

written by Tcoah, 06 February 2010
Rating:

If you have lots of driving convictions - drive a Toyota

You could argue that it was the 'dumb car' that wouldn't stop when you rear-end someone at a red light.

written by Tcoah, 06 February 2010
Rating:

If you're the kind of person who won't stop - there's a car for you

Toyota

written by Tcoah, 06 February 2010
Rating:

We're Just Cold!

Once again a dozen old men in trench coats driven from "Little Missy America" contest.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

More Honda Recalls

Now Honda recalls 172,000 cars over fire scare as Toyota's attempt to calm safety fears backfires. Backfires blamed for several huge fires last summer.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Hole! Hole! Hole!

Council compensates jogger who spent Christmas Day locked in park toilets as he still can't get rid of odor.


written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Spits & Curses

Young mother jailed for biting midwife during childbirth. But attorney says that Rosemary will be back with her baby in no time.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Old Rascals Home

Tories consider £20,000 tax break for families building granny flats. Also, considering home for old flashers, Rascal Flats.


written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Talks To Himself

Man with 200 friends on Facebook eating out at McDonalds by himself once again.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Prez Reaching Out

President Obama to tour the US south this summer to apologize for Sherman's March To The Sea.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Last Dialect Speaker Dead

Ancient dialect extinct after last speaker dies. His last words were..well, we don't know do we?

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

More Sights Than Ever

Tourists are making last-minute trips to Washington's monuments and museums before they likely get snowed in don't make it out. Twenty inch snow and two-foot penis on Lincoln's statue comes early.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Trouble In Wallie World

Regular WalMarts complaining about being ran out of towns by Super WalMarts.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Bus Driver A Hero

Hero school bus driver rams runaway school bus into chocolate candy & ice cream store.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

More Positive Message Needed

Aspen trying a friendlier tack with tourists. Taking down all signs that say, "Screw Vail, Keystone, Breckenridge".

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Tell The Kids!

New daily PBS half-hour show for the kiddies, beginning in April, will be President Obama reading from the dictionary.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Problems With The Prius

Prius problems put spotlight on car electronics. "A spotlight can short out the electronics", says mechanic.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Rip Torn Celebrates 79th Birthday

Celebrates with other oldsters Fallen Can't Get Up and Dead Dick.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Taylor Lautner To Play Stretch Armstrong in Movie

Can he stretch out former girlfriend Taylor Swift's breasts so that she can fill up at least a b-cup bra?

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Venus Williams Says She'll Watch Super Bowl

Of course, she'd also big and scary enough to play offensive line in teh game.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Former Dallas Cowboy Accused of Rape and Sued For A Million Dollars

Hey dumb ass, sue a guy who's still playing, not an old git who can't get it up anymore, has no job, and supposedly did this three years ago.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

John Terry and WAG Expecting Twins

"When the 22 year olds get here, we'll have a great foursome."

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Johnny Depp to Play Keith Richards in Rolling Stones Biopic

Taylor Swift will play Mick Jaggar due to big nose, wild hair, skinny body, and no tits.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Avatar Sequel Begins Production

In this one, Blue cousins Papa Smurf and Smurfette are in danger.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Kirstie Allie Leaving "The Big Life"

To star in "An Even Bigger Life."

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

New Mexico Bans Cell Phone Use While Driving

Putting on your make-up, eating a burger, getting a blow job, and reading a map are still permitted.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Hits The Stands

No sports, mostly tits and ass (with a few nice leg and crotch shots)

written by Jalapenoman, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Therapist Research: Incest is Never Consentual

Great Research Topic! Sis looks pretty good, time for some Rocky Mountain primary research?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Fewer Knock-Ups Reported

Many southern states say that their teaching on sex, "Just Say Naw!" is working fine.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Big Brother Arrives Few Years Late

Government moving into central role in health care, your sex life, your billfold.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

You're Him/Her???

Another redesign for Facebook on 6th birthday. New ways of making your photo make you look more desirable.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Pandas To China

US-born pandas reach new home in China. PETA protests, saying the were not even taught Chinese.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Russian Cargo Ship Lost?

Russian cargo ship arrives at space station. Tells those aboard they're lost. "Which is closest way to Babushkin?"

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Nature's Filibuster

Huge lizard paralyzes nation's capital. I'm sorry, Huge blizzard paralyzes Washington.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

"Once Again, From The Top"

Obama admits health care overhaul may die on Hill after over 100 speeches. "Time for my new health care bill proposal."

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Judge Digging Deep

Judge wants Edwards sex tape 'under lock and key', plus volunteers to go see Edward's girlfriend.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Palin's Husband Entering Politics?

Palin e-mails suggest husband's role in governing. Points out how well Hillary trained Bill.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Maybe They Should Look Into A Mirror?

World financial leaders meeting to discuss world economic crisis. "Anybody here got change for a $1,000? I left my change back at our treasury department."

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Picasso Painting Bees

Bees See Your Face as a Strange Flower! "Somewhat like a Picasso painting", says scientist.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Should Be More Serious

Japanese media criticize Toyota chief for "Sometimes you're the bug" response.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

"What's The Harm?"

Western officials dismiss Iranian nuclear proposal. "Allowing your soldiers to view a nuclear test in an isolated area of the country is crazy", says US rep.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Aghan's Keystone Cops

Afghan police patrol kills 7 civilians. "Couldn't find any Taliban", says Captain.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Bills Going Forward

Two of Richards' bills advance, especially the Dick's Bill on Platypus.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Escaping From Rehab?

Police: Sheen vehicle stolen, hits fire hydrant, crashes in ravine. "Guy looked like Tiger Woods!", says Sheen.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Sheen Vehicle Stolen

Police: Sheen vehicle stolen, crashed in ravine. Tells police: "It may have been me."

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

States Going Broke, Making Moves

WA among states weighing sale of liquor business so they can take over & tax more. Also, all food, water and air supplies.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Worse To Worse

Just when Dems in Illinois were starting to move on from the scandals of ousted Gov. Rod Blagojevich, along comes Scott Lee Cohen, who is now accuse of wife-beating, girlfriend beating, sheep beating.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Needed Him Ten Years Ago!

Judge: Pratt can't move jobs out of US. Press scatters to hear more from a judge that makes sense.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Supreme Judges Obama

Still wonder exactly why Justice Samuel Alito shook his head and mouthed the words "not true" during President Barack Obama's State of the Union address? "Everything he said" explained Alito.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Sure They're Bee Experts?

Experts say that bees see your face as a strange flower, "like this bloom on the ..puff..potted plant here. And just look at my hand!"

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Experts Are "The Bees Knees"

Experts say that bees see your face as a strange flower, your tongue as manure.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

How About The Full Of "S" Word?

Palin's campaign against the "R-word" hits snag with Limbaugh. "What's wrong with saying 'rubbers'? They are trying to condom me for saying rubbers?"

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

The "R" Word

Palin's campaign against the "R-word" hits snag with Limbaugh. "They is what they is, and the word fits most politicians perfectly."

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Ten Percent Unemployment Hits Illegals Hard

Obama, GOP sparring over job creation proposals while average Joe watches illegal aliens do their own lifelong jobs.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

The Tax Men Are Coming

Snow piles up, paralyzing nation's capital. Now it knows how the rest of us feel about Obama policies.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Washington DC Snow II

Snow piles up, paralyzing nation's capital, so it hasn't made much difference.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Washington DC Snow

Snow piles up, paralyzing nation's capital as the curse Al Gore brought upon us, continues.

written by Bureau, 06 February 2010
Rating:

John Terry is just Leaving while Craig Levein is just starting

England Team Captain John Terry is just leaving
as Scotland Manager Craig Levein is just starting.

written by SPECTRUM, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Keira Knightly is being Stalked Daily

Keira Knightly is being stalked Daily
as well as being stalked Nightly.

written by SPECTRUM, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Vacation Hotels of the Future May Be Huge Vertical Airships Floating Way Above Ground

Cancel my reservation.

written by Gail Farrelly, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Scientists Find New Evidence on the Color of Dinosaurs

One dinosaur complains, "I don't get it. If color of skin doesn't matter for humans, then why should it matter for us?"

written by Gail Farrelly, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Astronaut Is Tweeting Photos of Earth from Outer Space

The photos of people in compromising positions he's saving to sell to the National Enquirer.

written by Gail Farrelly, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Spin Artists "Crafting" Tiger Woods Comeback

To put out a magazine front cover with smiling Elin and Tiger together. Lead in says "Yes He Cheated, But Its OK!"

Might work in the land of Orwell.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Lil Wayne: Why I'm Looking Forward to going to Jail

I'm small, so I can play the role of a little boy.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

China "Ready to go to the Mat on O'Bama Meet with Dalai Lama

Reports are the O'Bama's niece Delilah has been dating Dali.

Delilah O'LamaBama?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

US Trained Afghan Police Killing Everyone Every Which Way but Loose

US Commander says operation Afghan Demise succeeding as planned.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Women Scramble at "Running of the Brides" Dress Sale

Men at the scene scrambled as well...to their cars and right to the nearest bar.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Feds Invest 2.5 M in Super Bowl for Census

Census workers will now be paid to attend the Super Bowl while taking census data from fans. Government Official says "that's were the most people are at one time, so it makes good sense.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Nato Putting "More Optimistic" Face on Afghan War

New propaganda line to be "Afghans actually love the war."

They should as they are now on the Federal payroll.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

China Selling U.S. Debt to Oil Laden Nations

at a 40% Discount.

O'Bombs Away!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Burger King to Make Move to Healthier Menu

Adding to the menu will be Camel Burgers, a favorite of the coming migration of Yemenis to the U.S.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Judege Wants Edwards Sex Tape "Under Lock and Key"

Damn Right. In his desk drawer next to his VCR, with a lock and he keeps the key for "safepeeping."

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Government Moving Into Central Role in Healthcare

O'Bomba Considering Appointment of Death Czar

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba Admits Healthcare Dead

Says citizens should opt for early internment

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Federline at 240lbs. Says Kirstie Alley Proposed

Two whales in a pod.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Russia Strategic Thinki Tank Announces Death of the F15 flying Eagle

Sukhoi PAK FA fighter - the production version will be fitted with phased-array radar that will 'see' American F15s without detection (by the illuminated F15s). It will rain F15s c/o President Obama.

written by Tcoah, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Proposed 28th Amendment to the US Constitution

Presidents and members of Congress who presided over large budget deficits shall be soley responsible for paying these funds back to the US Treasury during the following fiscal year.



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Not-All-There Annual Award

A NYC school system administrator, who had a junior high school student arrested for doodling on her desk with a marker, is in the lead.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
Rating:

The Martians Did It

Pakistani government officials believe the recent spate of homicide bombings, killing women & children, are being carried out by USA, UK, Israel, India or Martians. They are leaning towards Martians!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Signs of Spring

The first bumper sticker reading "Obama for President", overlaid with "Is it 2012 Yet?" has been sighted in Washington DC.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Nostradamus, "World will end in 2012"

Scholars interpretation: The new US president will say "enough of all Democratic & Republican excessive spending, I am raising everyone's taxes until this generation pays off the damn national debt!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
Rating:

Epidemiologist Isolates Illinois's Problem

A Dr. L Pasteur Jr. has isolated a bacterium that causes political corruption in the state of Illinois. This germ has also spread to infect some politicians of Nevada, Nebraska, Arkansas & Louisiana.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
Rating:

California to Eliminate Phone Books

California is saving trees by eliminating phone books in the computer age. A virtual panic has erupted in states that still employ outhouses, fearing this is a terrible way to employ laptop computers.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 February 2010
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