Spoof news snippets from Saturday 20 February 2010
Under Obama
... "what has America come too that America is intimidated by a tin-pot dicatorship in Iran and routine human rights abuser China.
Now he's spying on Spoof snippets?
President Putin = Intrude Snippet
He's all of these too
President Putin = Nipped Runtiest/Snipped Nuttier/Printed Puniest
Spoof Snippet Zoner Beware!
President Putin = Untried Snippet
Girls! Don't Throw Out Those Old Lacy Undies!
Make them into a lady Gaga mask instead! Say tabloids.
UK Accused Of Torture
Prisoners forced to watch 'Dickinson's Real Deal' on a loop.
Blame this asshole for the cost of the recession!
President Bush = Debt Punishers
Teddy Kennedy's little chip of the old block?
President Bush = Ted Shrub Penis
Wipe than backside nice and clean!
President Bush = Purest Behinds
Yeah, like The Pullitzer?
President sarkozy = Naked Prizes Story
Non-Kosher Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?
President Sarkozy = Zen Porky Disaster
Susan 'Boil' loves him!
President Sarkozy = Endears Porky Zits
Dunked in the pond in Martha's Vineyard?
President Obama = A Baptism Redone
Kinda like a proctologist
President Obama = A Abdomen Priest
To Spoof Or Not To Spoof That Is The Question!
A Spoof mole on a social network has posted the Spoof are reviewing their Token Economy. Votes and star ratings will be abolished in favour of a laugh if you wanna laugh mentality akin to watching TV!
Palin Denies Accusations
Sarah Palin says that, although she DID call Africa a country, she did NOT say King Kong lived there. "That was McCain!"
But It Fed The Family
New York Policeman admits times are hard today but not like in his grandfather's days, when he lost his police position and had to debloat many a corpse pulled from the East River.
With or without the anaesthetic?
Pennsylvania = Anal Envy Snip
White House In Uproar
Barack Obama still mad over not getting health bill he wanted, got ever madder today when he found a nude picture of Tiger Woods in Michelle billfold.
Nothin but a hound dog...
Massachusetts = Mutt's Ass Chase
Filth in a little packet...
Massachusetts = Ass Smut Sachet
Hide the dessert wine here!
Massachusetts = Muscat Stashes
Maybe it's that 'Iran Holocaust' stuff to blame!
South Carolina = A Torah Uncoils
Must be pretty picturesque
South Carolina = A Location Rush
Just Right For That Old Penny Pincher
Monks at Gethsemane say one of their top selling coffins built there is "Poor Man's Particle Board Special".
Especially With Golfers
Monks at Gethsemane say one of their top selling coffins built there is "The 19th Hole".
Monks Making Caskets
Monks say one of their top selling coffins built there is "The Dirt Devil"
Need An Appointment
Bill Clinton reveals that Hillary always keeps a chair and some magazines outside her bedroom door.
Sounds Like A Winner
American Airlines introduces new motto: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us!"
At Least The Park In Beautiful
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "Central Park Dog Hockey" Twelve Contestants, twelve scoops.
Not with a Big Bang but with an.....
New Hampshire = Ashen Whimper
One Injured When She Falls Wrong Way
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "Kirstie Alley Tipping, Live From Madison Square Garden"
ESPN Looking Hard
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "Miniature Golf With Sharpened Windmill Blades!" "Too much slicing the ball for me", says announcer.
But No Off Track Betting
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "The Ben Hur Amish Buggy Masters!"
Dog Wipes Out First Five!
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "Look Ma, No Hands Tour De Little Rock, Arkansas"
Worse Than Dwarf Bowling!
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "Championship Plumbers Bowling with one point for each pin, minus on each time asscrack appears!"
Slow Sports Time
Slow sports time of year not helped by ESPN's "Donkey Basketball Final Four".
It Was Chester's Fault!
Tiger Woods blames sex problems from slipping and reading "Chester The Molester" in dad's old Hustler Magazines.
Introduction to lustful hooker
Nporth Carolina = Carnal Ho Intro
Big Puss just got the snifffles
North Carolina = No Lion Catarrh
Conspriacy theorists' skulls can be wrapped in it
California = Crania Foil
This herb makes them 'loose'
The Flintstones = Fennel Shits Tot
Missing Tiger's filthy shenanigans already?
Mount Rushmore = Mourn Hero Smut
US Politician Puts 'Rapper Grip' on Condor
A US politician has angered animal rights groups by violently gripping a condor and trying to throttle the bird. Nothing like this has happened since Dubbya tried to mate with a pig.
Wildlife Photography Tips
When photographing lions, tigers, bears, or crocodiles - don't stand too close to the subject.
Queen of all she surveys!
Mount Rushmore = Our Mum's Throne
Something funny about those faces...
Mount Rushmore = Monster Humour
Bigger than Simpsons' hero?
Mount Rushmore = Surmount Homer
Ashley Cole Bucks Trend
Sorry, I'll read that again: Ashley Cole fff....maybe not...
Darth Vader Unmasked
It was really Dave Prowse dressed up, with James Earl Jones doing the voice. You heard it here first!
Michael Caine's Acting Tips
Always act like Michael Caine. (See also, John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Carrey, Hugh Grant etc)
Dali's Painting Tips
"Imagine there's been a fire and everything melted."
Lily Allen "On the Slippery Slope"
Lily Allen needs to take care, it was claimed yesterday. "That girl is on the skids. She even looks like a cross between Brian Jones and Elvis", claimed Vince Bastiple in a letter to The Daily Star.
Is That An Undiagnosed Wart Or Have You Had A Bowel Movement?
Woman loses FOUR stone in ONE day after doctors find extra weight is undiagnosed wart on her ass.
Lily Allen "Has to Fly"
Gobby singer Lily Allen only arrives at awards ceremonies by plane because she's always drunk, it was claimed yesterday. "She's too pissed to walk anywhere" Arthur Sixpence said in a letter to The Sun.
Too Many Oprah Appearances
"Men Who Can barely But Still Kiss Their Own Penis" to go off the air next month.
Rats!
"Hot Summer Days & Rotten Roadkill As Fuels Of The Future" to go off the air next month.
Overdone Already
Great Speeches, Gestures & Chair-Over-The-Head Between Sunnis & Shiites" to go off the air next month.
Never Cared For It
"Featuring The 'No-Hit Wonders Of Rock & Roll' to go off the air next month.
Rats! Funniest Show Out There
"Great Discussions of The Classics With Paris Hilton & Britney" to go off the air next month.
After Friends (Quakers) Record It
"Let's Insult The Amish Since They Can't Hear This" to go off the air next month.
British/Georgian collaboration sleighs 'em in Vancouver
Amy Williams has won a gold medal for Britain in the women's skeleton event at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. The skeleton used by Williams was that of the late Olympic luger Nodar Kumaritashvili.
That's Tuba Bad
The 'Tuba For Today's Lovers' program to go off the air next month.
Dog Gone It!
The Whistled Show Tunes Only Dogs Can Hear to go off the air next month. Sorry Fido.
Stephanopoulos Can Stuff It
George Stephanopoulos about the only one pleased with Tiger Woods conference. Even read "Tiger Tiger, Burning Bright" in his comments.
Bennett and Hockney "The Same Man"
Limp-wristed miserablist Alan Bennett is the same person as wierd poncey painter David Hockney. "You never see them together", said Mrs Jonquil Brittle in a letter to the People's Friend.
Celebrity Winter Olympics On The Way
More news about the upcoming ITV Celebrity Winter Olympics reality show. Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss are earmarked for the skeleton bob.
Chelsea Players Told To Clean Up Their Act
"Be more like Tiger Woods. And me," says Abramocrit.
Mysterious "Posse" Engineered United Defeat
"We weren't beaten by Everton today. It was the bloody Posse," Sir Alex says enigmatically.
"Belgians Unable To Communicate" Says Doctor
The shock medical 'breakthrough' of a Belgian who can communicate may turn out to be a false dawn, warns a Doctor. Apparently the Belgian continues to mumble into his beer about cycling.
UK Denies All Knowledge Of Dubai Plot
UK spokesman Moshe Rabbinowitz says "Oi vey, we don't know already!"
Labour Voters Have 'Submerged Optimism'
It's been submerged in a ton of shit by Brown and Darling
Note Pinned To Simon Cowell's Door
It says "Please do not. I'm Disturbed."
Weightlifting Ant Wins Competition
A weightlifting ant lifted an entire man earlier today. At the presentation the man scrapped the ant of his shoe, before saying "it's what he would have wanted"
Dutch Government Collapses
Another heavy night on the Oranjeboom to blame
Tiger Woods Addicted To Sex
Thank God he isn't addicted to golf anymore
Cheryl Cole Reduced To Snippet Status
"I hate that Tiger Woods!" she says. (Allegedly)
Woman With Penis Claims Gold At Olympics
Canadians lodge complaint about her helmet.
"We Have Nore Gas Than They Do"
British Gas profits surge 50% as cash-strapped elderly freeze. "Be prepared for suicide Rascals", elderly warn.
No Police Chase
Police told not to chase criminals at end of a shift 'to cut down on overtime payments'. That's at 10PM tonight, all you little thieves out there!"
Just One Chicken's Guess
Local chicken reveals that they cross the road when depressed. Try to reach their permanent 'other side' after crossover. "Anything's better than being a I say, being a chicken", says Leghorn.
But Why The Other Side
New study shows that 90% of chickens hit while attempting to cross the road, hit by Toyota vehicles.
Sounds Just Like Them
All councils told to cut bin collections to once-a-fortnight in bid to slash costs, cut down on volume.
Tiger Not Really Humble
Many viewers say Tiger Woods didn't look humble enough during apology. "Especially when mentioning his ten-inch penis", says one viewer.
Operation Flashback!
Brown launches 'Operation Fightback' as he calls on voters to 'take a second crook.....look' at Labour!
Well, That's OK Then
Sick trade in NHS medicines: Profiteering chemists cash in by selling life-saving drugs to European clinics. "Mostly placebos to France", says one.
Same Old Tiger
Finchem believes Woods' apology 'heartfelt', 'fartsmelt'.
Tiger Speaks, Leaves
Tiger Woods makes hurried speech and then leaves before press questions, at 120 MPH in Toyota Camry. Glances fire hydrant.
New 19th Ho!
Woods will return to golf but only on his own terms: Two hour break between 9th & 10th holes for Hos.
Tiger Makes Offer
Woods will return to golf but only on his own terms: Two nudes throwing rose petals before him.
May Return To Golf Tour
Woods delivers but only on his own terms. I'll return for to golf if allowed to have women carry me in sedan chair.
Woods Rules For Return
Woods delivers but only on his own terms. Must have three women caddies at every event.
Painting Skyscapes Hint:
Use blue. Lots of it. Or red if it's a sunset.
Even When In Two Seats
Fewer airliners crashed in 2009, but more died. Experts say that fat people hit the ground harder.
Rowling Denies Plagiarism
"I didn't start no plague damnit!" she says.
Obama Hurting Business
Companies say Vegas air limits for Obama will hurt as president tries a new way to drive down our economy.
FFA Oversight
FAA oversight of American Airlines is faulted. FAA spokesman says "We thought they went bankrupt years ago."
Conan To Tour
Conan weighing live tour; next stop, Europe? Barbarian may then sack Rome.
"It's True, I May Be Guilty"
Woods makes his case as millions of head-shakers pause to watch.
"We Are The World"
Celebs record 'We are the World' in Spanish, Yiddish, Klingon!
"Rest Of Country" Splitting From US?
Obama keeps all-Democratic health care option open. Rest of the country on it's own.
Tiger Blames Not Sleeping
Tiger Woods blamed lack of sleep for his problems, same as Bill Clinton.
Clinton Lack Of Sleep
Clinton: Lack of sleep added to health problem. Hillary: Tell me about it!
Jesus Christ Superstar
Walks Like a woman and he wears a bra, says Elton John
PayPal A Real Pal
PayPal to become a way to pay for Facebook ads, loans from Hot Knife Silvio.
Marine Census Completed
Marine census grows near completion. Determine that they are: The Few. The Proud. The Marines.
Australia Threatens Japan
Australia threatens Japan over whaling program as leaders say something fishy definitely going on, in their waters.
So THERE It Is!
Scientists vacuum up the data on dust, lost cat toy.
Toy Yoda Trying To Help Toyota Out
Japan hopes Toyoda can burnish Toyota's image as tenth customer this week drives 110 MPH on 30-second trial drive through showcase.
Move Out Of The Way
Karzai: NATO still causes too many civilian deaths. Orders citizens not to allow Taliban to hide behind them.
"Or Else, It Could Be..."
FBI closes anthrax case, says scientist was killer. Immediately receives another envelope full.
Duff Engaged
Hilary Duff engaged to NHL player. She will conduct a draft this Wednesday, then tell us who won.
"PropHim Up In His Seat"
Lautenberg's illness could hurt Senate Democrats. Of course they are a lot more concerned about his health than any silly politics.
Sounds Perfect
Apologetic Tiger Woods unsure of return to golf. Could move to Minnesota, run for office.
Woods On Golf
Apologetic Tiger Woods unsure of return to golf. Golf unsure about return of Tiger Woods.
PM Withdraws Challenge
Ukraine's PM Tymoshenko withdraws vote challenge, after friendly ten-hour visit from foes.
Hinn's Hen Leaving
Wife of televangelist Benny Hinn files for divorce, right after "Marriage Retreat".
Some A Little Ticklish
Hawaii may add gambling to its natural beauty. You will be able to stuff bills down front of grass skirt greeters.
Circus Scenes at WH
Circus zebra causes mayhem on U.S. highway
Said White House staffer: "Nothing compared to the circus inside the White House".
Beauty & The Beast
Hawaii may add gambling to its natural beauty. You will be able to see a beautiful view from atop 40-floor casino, before jumping off.
Trillion Here, Trillion There, It All Adds Up
Study: States must fill $1 trillion pension gap, another $1 trillion in southern tooth-gap!
A Ladder Day Saint!
Using ladder, veteran rescued people from Texas office!
Obama: Health Meeting A Test Of Problem-Solving
A case of "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours"?
Charade Or Parade?
Obama: Health meeting a test of problem-solving. GOP demands to start over.
Sunni And Share?
Sunni party drops out of Iraq's national elections as leading number of citizens in polls from other countries.
Sunni Or Later
Sunni party drops out of Iraq's national elections. Will await US leaving and take over then.
Sunni's Leave
Sunni party drops out of Iraq's national elections. Ralph Nader sees his chance!
Zebra escapes from Edinburgh Zoo
A Zebra escaped from Edinburgh Zoo yesterday. Onlookers claimed it kept running back and forward across the road but it would not use the Zebra Crossing
John & Edward is Jedward
If John and Edward are known as Jedward then Jack Straw And Gordon Brown could be Jordan now that's a thought
After Military Coup In Niger
After a Military Coup In Niger Silly Scotsman Sam Stewart wants to know how does a cow use a gun anyway
Irishman Disqualified at Winter Olympics
Irishman Pat Murphy was disqualified at the Winter Olympics after he turned up at the Curling event with a pair of Curling Tongs
Tiger Eats Humble Pie During Press Conference
Members of that band refuse to comment on the incident.
Protecting Cash-flow
"Swiss prostitutes trained to use defibrillators in brothels to prevent clients dying"
Outer Hebrides
to be used as a parking lot for the Toyota cars judged too dangerous to be recalled.
British Rail
What happenend when the railways caught Toyotalytis.
Central London
That bit of London which is in "Zone 1" after Iranian nuke strike.
GPS in Toyota Cars
Man drives into heaven through Heaven's gates - "Recalculating route ... do a U-Turn".
Kim; A Wonderful Cartoon!
Iran's supreme leader criticizes US military moves, latest Tim Burton movie of Alice In Wonderland. Immediately draws fire from Kim in NKorea.
Bet You Do!
Guy thrown off Arkansas jury for the tenth time for loudly asking the judge if he had a penis pump under his robe?
Arkansas Jury Duty
Guy thrown off Arkansas jury for the ninth time for loudly proclaiming, "Can I throw the switch? Huh? Can I throw the switch?"
Kicked Off Again
Guy thrown off Arkansas jury for the eighth time for loudly proclaiming, "Is somebody frying asses in here?"
King Tut Traveling US
Some surprises in King Tut being revealed for the first time and just now released was the fact that he had on a rainbow wig with "Go Pharoahs" flag beside him.
Michelle Distrought after she finds Barry Kissing His Own Ass!
First Lady claims he always wanted to be an Olympic Gymnast, but couldn't make the Indonesian Team, was too old for the Chinese, and while a great contortionist, never could straighten himself out.
Obama Rushed to Emergency Surgery after Close Encounter with Himself!
Secret Service found the President ' lip locked' to a fulll length mirror in his dressing room this morning. Surgery broke the air tight seal of his lips,which were described as 'slightly chapped.'
Obama Warns Americans Again about" Blowing" Money in Vegas!
Travels to city spending $700,000 on plane and entourage, promises $1.5b to bail out foreclosures in state, then jets to Atlantic City , Michigan and California to shoot some more crap.
"Crazy Person" Sues the Spoof.com for Invasion of Privacy!
An inmate behind bars for the criminally insane has sued the Spoof.com saying at least 12 fictional characters in the Serial "Life at Moorview" depicts incidents from his real lives. Defense: "NUTZ!"
Interpol Now Hunting Dubai Assasination Suspects in Thailand!
Investigation reveals 18 Hit Men were actually just one person with multiple identities who has eluded detection since 2006. Thai police say they are shaking trees to see if bad monkey falls out.
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Fleagle from The Banana Splits to headline in concert performance with one hit wonder singer of Mambo Number Five.
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Hilary Duff surprised that she's already achieved has been status, but says "I guess the younger Disney Channel skanks took my place."
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Loggins and Messina would perform House At Pooh Corner, but the hundred acre wood was chopped down for commercial development.
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Ken Jennings wants to try his hand this time at Celebrity Jeopardy (if Sean Connery will let him)
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Paul Reubens under contract not to go to any adult theatres and play with himself this week (whether or not he's dressed as Pee Wee Herman)
A Good Omen for GM
The president of Toyota Inc. is to testify before the US House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. He will be chauffeured around Washington DC in a pre-production model Chevrolet Volt.
Conservative Political Conference Convenes
Conservatives today called for swift Congressional action to allow gays to openly serve in the military, legalize same sex marriage, more deficit spending & endorsed President Obama for a second term!
EPA to Examine Water in Several States
The EPA is studying water in CA, NC, SC, AK & NV. The objective is to see if a correlation of extracurricular activities of T. Woods, J. Edwards, M. Sanford, W. Clinton & J. Ensign with water exists.
Hardly Going Green
Environmentalists suggest toilet paper be eliminated and replaced with pine cones that have fallen naturally from trees. Proctologists anticipate hidden out-breaks of poison ivy and poison sumac.
New Way of Presenting Statistics
Instead of providing an absolute unemployment figure, politicians say "the rate of new job losses has slowed." Would you feel the same way if sexually transmitted diseases were presented this way?
Something Still Smells Bad
Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said his country was not seeking any "stinking" nuclear weapons! Iranian deodorant makers were extremely happy to hear this pronouncement!
Who Did It?
A CIA source spoke, on the condition of anonymity, about the recent assassination of a Hamas operative in Dubai. "The CIA feels that either the Keystone Cops or the Marx Brothers were involved."
Tough Choices Ahead for Fiscally Responsible Independents
Conservative Ayatollahs of the Republican Party are determined to purge moderates (heretics) from their so called big tent. Sage advice to the Democratic Party; shut-up & let the GOP self destruct.
Nuclear Power Plant (NPP) Construction
Environmentalists whined, after Pres. Obama guaranteed loans for NPP construction, "building takes so long!" These loons ask for hearings on the number of lawn mowers used!
Golfer Taken to Emergency Room
On being admitted to the hospital an avid golfer said "I told my wife I was going out to play 18 holes," while she was reading a newspaper article about Tiger Woods's dalliances!
EPA Building Plan Endangered
The GSA rejected the EPA's request for new buildings on the basis that the agency did not file an environmental impact statement! Environmentalists also spotted a nest of Spotted Owls on the site.
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