Spoof news snippets from Thursday 30 December 2010
The One and Only Great Hulk Hogan Will Be Making A Wrestling Comeback
Hulk Hogan who recently turned 74, has just had major back surgery. He plans on making a comeback. He said that his first outing will be a charity grudge match against Clay "The Chicken Wing" Aiken.
Rihanna Talks About Her "Upstairs" and Her "Downstairs" (WINK-WINK)
Rihanna is still insisting that the bright, bright red hair color of her 'curtains' matches the bright, bright red hair color of her 'carpet.' (WINK-WINK).
What Do The KKK and Arizona Have In Common?
A spokesklansman for the Ku Klux Klan has issued a statement stating that the KKK organization wishes to wish Happy New Year greetings, but ONLY to the residents of Arizona.
Galaxy may sell Beckham for North Korea's GDP
North Korea shows "Bend it like Beckham" Rumors of his transfer to the Pyongyang Proletarians continue. Kim Jong Un renames the Female Peasants' Collective 46A as "Spice Girls" in honor of Victoria.
Britney Spears Latest Crotch Photo Poster - But Will It Really Sell?
Britney's best friend, fellow blonde Jessica Simpson has just about convinced her to release a life-size poster of her 'Up Skirt' photo which clearly shows her c-section scar.
You'd Never Guess What Heidi Montag's 39th Plastic Surgery Is Going To Be
Heidi Montag, The Queen of Plastic, plans to ring in the new year with her 39th plastic surgery. Montag plans on having her ovaries rotated.
UK 1000-Year Winter
UK: WINTER MAY BE COLDEST IN 1000 YEARS!! Checking facts with Larry King.
Lady Gaga Replacing Dick
Lady Gaga's balls to drop, bringing in 2011 in Times Square!
Wonder Why?
Grizzly bear deaths near Yellowstone rise in 2010, ever higher in Alaska.
O'Donnell Blames Thugs
O'Donnell: Spending accusations are 'Chicago thug' tactics. Blames organized crime boss, "Tarface"!
On The Face List?
Iconic face of Rosie the Riveter poster dies. Rest of her body doing fairly well.
Disgraced President
Disgraced ex-Israeli president has been convicted of forced porking.
Bloomberg's Self-Punishment
NYC mayor: City's snowstorm response unacceptable. Makes himself get down and give citizens 100 push-ups.
Russia Still Russia
Russia to keep add three more "K's" to Khodorkovsky prison sentence!
Midwives Call For "Seismic Shift"
"I, for one, am fed up to the back teeth with the way the continents look. Every year, in the atlas, everything's the same. It's time for a change," says top midwife Felicia Fontanelle.
Fire Damages Belgian Beer Abbey
EIF News & Features staff in panic buying spree...
Nearly One In Five To Reach 100
Calm down... nearly 1 in 5. That's more than 4 in 5 won't. You and I know who will, don't we?
The oldest trick in the book
A 72-year-old prostitute who works in a residential home in Swindon has got her name printed in the telephone directory. She claims to be the "Oldest Trick in the Book"
Spotlight shifts from Disney girls
The recent Disney girls' scandals have been trumped with the news that Hello Kitty is pregnant
Lady Gaga makes pre-op resolution
Lady Gaga says her New Year resolution is to fight the bulge or have the operation
Michael Jackson still haunts the world!
The dirty world pointed a dirty finger at dirty Wacko Jacko, now he's come back to haunt the world who either loved him or hated him, especially the one's who milked him?
boney M dancer dies singing?
Although Bobby Farrell (RIP) could never sing, he was still one of the most popular disco kings of all time, he's swimming in his own "Rivers of Babylon" now!
Warning! 5
Now the shits landed! Check your face, clothes and hair!
The Reason Why Paris Hilton Is A "No Show"
Paris Hilton wants everyone to know that she is not in the "Witness Protection Program." She confessed that reporters are not talking to her because they all say that she doesn't do a damn thing.
The Amazing Case of The Counterfeit Chinese Chopsticks
Chinese authorities in Hong Kong have just confiscated over half a million counterfeit chopsticks that were headed for Oklahoma.
It Looks Like They Just Don't Make Camels Like They Used To
Residents of the Kalahari Desert have noted that Global Warming is having quite an impact. Many camel herders are reporting seeing camels with their humps actually sizzling in the mid day sun.
Detroit's Brand New Tourist Slogan May Just Work
Detroit is not pleased that it is now known as "The Crime Capital of America." They've implemented a new tourist program called, "Visit Detroit - and just stay in your hotel room."
The Reason The African Country of Mumtanda Raised It's Retirement Age To 90
The over crowded African country of Mumtanda has just raised the retirement age to 90. They are hoping that lots of the elderly will move to neighboring Loombeezi or Lower Zamgola.
WikiLeaks, YouTube Merger Talks Fail
Disagreement over new company name suggestions: YouLeak or LeakyTube.
2010 Will Be Remembered As The Leak Year
Too many leaks...
Obama Changes New Year Resolution
New resolution: Quit making new resolutions about quitting smoking.
Khodorkovsky case nears sentencing phase
Judge in Khodorkovsky case nears sentencing phase. Still completing spelling phase.
Giant Internet Companies to Merge
Rumours are emerging that 2 of the world's largest Internet companies are to merge to form FaceBoogle. Further rumours suggest a third party joining which would create TwiceBoogle.
Australian Floods Not Caused By WikiLeaks
Assange: "We don't take that kind of leaks."
Massive Car Bomb in London
A massive 5,000lbs bomb was defused at the offices of the London Times tonight. The Little Sisters of Mary Dublin claimed responsibility, "for that cartoon about Mary" printed in Sunday's Supplement.
National Archives
Documents released today reveal that Harold MacMillan tried to persuade Margaret Thatcher to relax her tough monetarist policies in the 1980's. Maggie told 'Big Mac' her bugger was 'not for turning'.
Pope Near Death
Pope Benedict known to his friends as "Eggs" was rushed to hospital this morning. Secretary Fr. Corleone said it had nothing to do with his "urbi et orbi" promise to sell up and give all to the poor.
Neil Gaiman Innocent
Kids' writer Neil Gaiman denies he was paid millions by Rowling to stop bitching about being plagiarized. "It's a load of bull!" said he, from his castle in France.
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