Order by:
Rating:

Bush Continues To Defend Iraq War

Says Bush, "The world is better of without Saddam Hussein and the million innocent Iraqis I killed."

written by manbrad, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Operation: Loudmouth Begins

Under attack, WikiLeaks seeks shelter in cold war bunker as British planes take off in pursuit.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Cher Loses Her Ass!

At the American Music Awards the other night, Cher once again lost her ass. That's literally. Third year in a roll she's had to stay Behind!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Qatar Hosting World Cup

Qatar was chosen instead of the United States for the next World Cup. Qatar had also defeated the United States team three years in a row at Camel Polo.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Bananas & Peanut Butter

In Japan, a produce company is selling "Mozart Bananas." They're bananas that have grown in a room where Mozart is playing. If this works, next year they will grow "Elvis Peanuts" for peanut butter.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Why did the fox cross the road

because he wanted to get to the chicken.

written by Julian Shure, 03 December 2010
Rating:

WalMart Wanger Free On Bail

WalMart claims that man caught masterbating in toy department yesterday was sent by a competitor. "They always put up a stiff competition!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

174 Eclipse Viewers Killed By Robert Pattison / Kristen Stewart DVD Commentary.

174 Eclipse viewers were killed by the DVD commentary by Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart.
"We believe they died of abject boredom," said the medical examiner.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 December 2010
Rating:

174 Eclipse Viewers Killed By Robert Pattison / Kristen Stewart DVD Commentary.

174 Eclipse viewers were killed by the DVD commentary by Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart.
"We believe they died of abject boredom," said the medical examiner.

written by anthonyrosania, 03 December 2010
Rating:

South Ossetia Sides With Russia

The Republic of Georgia says that South Ossetia, a breakaway region that sides with Russia, is a loose cannon.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Bobbitt Called In For Castration

Sex-offending teacher asks for castration. Lorens Bobbitt called after Rabbi refused do perform during days of Hannukah!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Last Of Hillary In Politics

Hillary Clinton says she's in her last public job. No presidential run in 2012? "Nope. I don't want to be saddled with this mess!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Heesters Turns 106, Quits Smoking!

Actor Johannes Heesters quits smoking - at age 106. "It was messing up my sex life."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Hobo's Out Of Luck

China passenger train hits 300 mph, breaks record, hits what looks like two to three cows.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Just Wanted To Drop In And Call You On The Phone

President Obama on Afghan trip. Obama visits troops, phones Karzai. "By calling Karzai from here, it's a local call.", he explains.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

102th Flooding This Year!

Authorities in Bosnia, Serbia and Montenegro declare state of emergency after worst flooding in 104 years. Leaders say they guess it was their turn!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

No Surprise This Time?

President Obama arrives in Afghanistan for unannounced visit. Given the red carpet treatment. Suspects Wiki of giving him away.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Only One Requirement!

Jessica Simpson wants a "simple wedding" this time. "Just as long as he's got a big penis!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Nasty thieves steal snowman in the UK!

A woman rung 999 and told the police some scoundrels had stolen her snowman, they rushed to the crime scene and asked her for a description, she said he was white and had carrot for a nose?

written by Jaggedone, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Buffalo Weather

Buffalo New York experienced a weather phenomenon known as thunder snow yesterday. Visiting Paris Hilton says that the snow is up to her nose.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Pee Wee Has Scary Week

Pee Wee Herman had a scary week after a check-up showed something up his wazoo. However, today the doctor told him that he thought it could be rectified.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

"It's Not In Their Bedroom Is It?"

Man caught outside Lexington family's bedroom window told police he had lost his watch there about a year ago. "I meant to come back before but I could never find the time."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Obama Visits Afghanistan

From Afghanistan, Obama delivers remarks on U.S. economy: "So you see, you're better off here!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Santa Given Warning

Santa Claus has received a warning for stalking after he's caught creeping around, looking into windows, to see who has been naughty & nice.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Big Brother Watching

Feds Warrantlessly Tracking Americans' Credit Cards in Real Time. Better have a good explanation if you suddenly deposit $10,000 or more into bank account.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Man On The Run!

President Obama flees to Afghanistan. Tells Hillary that this time it's his turn to being gone during congressional turmoil. Hillary escaped all during the November elections.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

New 'Naked Gun'?

Rumor out already that there may be a new 'Naked Gun' movie as a tribute to the late Leslie Nielson. Pricilla Presley has signed as co-star and the part of O.J. Simpson will be played by Lisa Marie.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Industries Surviving the Recession

Industries surviving recession by asking employees to do double their previous workload, down-sizing.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Germ Munchies

Arsenic-munching germ redefines 'life as we gnaw it'!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Unannounced Trip

President Obama in Afghanistan on unannounced trip...well I guess I screwed that up!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Jobless Rate Increases

Company payrolls barely rise, jobless rate, everyone's nerves jump!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Nope, Nothing There!

WikiLeaks report there's no more gold in Fort Knox than there is any funds in Social Security, borrowed by congress 40 years ago.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Two For One Sale?

New signs popping up near funeral homes: "Ask Us About Our Boomer Specials!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Lebron Back At Cleveland

NBA star Lebron James scores 38 points to lead Miami Heat over old team, Grieveland Cavaliers.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Lebron Returns

Lebron James uses 38-Special to blow away his old NBA team, the Cleveland Cavaliers.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Nine Month Old Cyst Arrives

Woman finds out she's NINE months pregnant after doctors tell her she's got an ovarian cyst. "I think I'll name her 'Kate' and call her Sis.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

25% Drop Online Grocery Shoppers

One in four online grocery shoppers has now given up because of a 'poor service', tooth marks in products.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

No More World Cup In England?

We'll never bid again to host the World Cup, says Team England boss (as Putin turns up to gloat over 'mafia state' Russia's win). "I hope they lose a trillion dollars."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Anti-Social Security Still

Deficit-cutting plan wins more bipartisan support before vote. But raising retirement age to 69 won't help. They will apply and draw more from disability at earlier age.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Bipartisan Congress Didn't Consider Poor Again

Deficit-cutting plan wins more bipartisan support before vote. Social security payments to begin when you are 76.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Plagiarists Conference - Manchester

This year's conference is the same format as the Clichés Conference. Please copy somebody else's ticket to gain entry. The keynote speaker will be giving Steve J Gould's speech.

written by IainB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Man killed in Toronto Library with a crossbow

Suspect, Robin of the hood, was arrested at his Sherwood Forest apartment, he shared with his little brother John. Police credit Meter maid Marian for getting the license number of his green van.

written by JAB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Progressive Insurance wants to acquire GEICO Car Insurance

Flo the television pitch woman for Progressive said, "I hear gecko tastes like chicken, now bring on Aflac, I'd love to try duck."

written by JAB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Natalie Portman Talks

Natalie Portman Talks Pasta-Heavy Diet, 'Flexible' Boyfriend, The String Theory.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

We Have No Idea

Uncertainties of 'Global Warming': Sea Level Could Rise in South, Fall in North, stay the same everywhere.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

England To Boycott World Cup

It won't make much difference though, because most people don't notice we're there anyway. That's when we do manage to qualify.

written by Skoob1999, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Jobs Market Down

Unemployment up to 9.8%! See if this drops if unemployed benefits stop after six months.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Own A Piece Of History

Lee Harvey Oswald's coffin to be auctioned in L.A. Body will cost extra. Most think it is Casino Bound!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

World Cup Update

World Cup 2018 to be in Russia and 2022 to Qatar and be pissed in by England on both occasions!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

A procrastinator's guide!

A procrastinator's guide to holiday air travel you had plan to do this Thanksgiving.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

FIFA Fuel announce take over of BP !

FIFA boss Bepp Splatter today announced the shock takeover of fuel giant BP following the recent acquisition of several oil wells in both the Middle East and Eastern Europe.
More to follow.....

written by Alan Goodfellow, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Oh Freedom!

Aretha Franklin calls her surgery a success. "I told them, you better 'think, think about what you're trying to do to me'."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Risky River, Take My Behind

Study says even being a bit overweight is whiskey.....risky.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

New Train Speed Record Set

China passenger train hits 300 mph, breaks record, necks!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Chicken factory robbery investigated

Police are taking the utmost care whilst searching the scene for clues. "Our constables are treading on eggshells while we carry out our investigation," said Chief Inspector Yolk.

written by Mark, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Spammer Due In Court

Man due in Milwaukee court on spamming charge...also potted meat!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Cliché writers conference

You won't be taken for a ride at this hottest conference of the year, taking place at the end of the day, we'll cover all the bases. Book now, tickets are selling like hotcakes.

written by IainB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Ansenic As Nutrient

Microbe found that can use arsenic as nutrient. Seven Agatha Christie classics being updated.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

1 Trick to White Teeth

Dentists are afraid of letting this secret slip, but single mom discovers that brushing teeth thrice daily makes teeth brilliantly white!

written by Mark, 03 December 2010
Rating:

China To Tighten Up

China says it will tighten monetary policy in 2011. Everybody else spending like there's no tomorrow.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Is Acai Berry a Miracle Diet or an Internet Scam?

Hundreds shocked to hear that Acai Berry is actually a fruit.

written by Mark, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Private Highing Picks Up

Private hiring pickup forecast for November, especially "turkey" jobs.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

One secret to a sexy stomach

A mom discovers that keeping the truth from others helps you lose weight!

written by Mark, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Feminists Finally Emerge, Apparently Afraid Of Taliban!

Feminists accuse Joe Scarborough of using sexist language. Still no word on women being treated worse than animals in Arab countries.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Clarence Thomas' Wife Not Leaving Tea Party

Clarence Thomas' wife: I'm not leaving my Tea Party organization. What's more, I am not starting a Tupperware Party that stand-ups are talking about.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Spacecraft Returns

Unmanned US spacecraft returns after 7-month trip, but in completely different saucer-shape.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Won't Help HIV Spread

Kenya PM's Call to Arrest Gays Jeopardizes HIV Prevention. Beginning with all the other prisoners.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Something To Sing About

Arsenic-munching germ redefines 'life as we know it'. L'Chaim!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

World Affected By Everything

How Europe's Debt Crisis Could Infect America! "If a fly farts in the Congo...."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Purchase Former Rentals

Boost Retirement Savings by Avoiding Car Payments! No need for new car every 4-5 years, you bunch of morons! Economists are fed up!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Kentucky Needs Intrepreters

Ky. sees 35K cases a year that require interpreters. Mostly Yanks from up north.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

German Hackers Steal Pop

German hackers allegedly steal pop music. Many boomers say they hope they keep it.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Rear Visibility Improved

Gov't offers new rules for rear visibility in cars. However, two-foot rear view mirror could hurt front view.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

In Your Face

LeBron dominates in Cleveland return. "See, I could play when I want to."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

US Spacecraft Returns

Unmanned US spacecraft returns after 7-month trip, full of arsenic aliens!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

SKorean Jets On Stand-By

SKorean jets will bomb North if it attacks again. Of course, the same thing was stated before last attack.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

LOUD TV ADS TO BE lowered!

Ear relief: Congress acts to stifle loud TV ads. Many glad Billy Mays not around to hear this.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Lower TV Ads!

Ear relief: Congress acts to stifle loud TV ads. Should help those who still have hearing.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Good To See Cooperation

Foreign help arrives to help Israel fight fire. PLO youth helping by throwing rocks onto fires, firefighters.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Let's Vote "Maybe" & Then Leave

Congress in a hurry with stupid running of the country to finish so the holiday parties can begin.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Give Us The "Reader's Digest" Version

Deficit-cutting plan wins more support before vote. "We think even more will support it once they read it."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

SKorean Jets Ready

SKorean jets will bomb North if it attacks again...Mad Kim or no Mad Kim!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Vincent's Starry Starry Night

Starry, starry, starry night: Phrase users yesterday in star count, may be sued by Don McLean.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

You Never Know Where Inspiration Will Come From

Arsenic-munching germ redefines 'life as we know it'. Scientists accidentally discovered this from watching the play, "Phosphorus and Old Lace".

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

But Now OUR Life!

Arsenic-munching germ redefines 'life as we know it'...Also death AS we know it.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

WikiLeaks Shows Training Working

WikiLeaks Shows the Skills of U.S. Diplomats. Training to keep poker face while lying is paying off.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Getting Better At Lying

WikiLeaks Shows the Skills of U.S. Diplomats...in deceiving the American public.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Offened The Swiss

WikiLeaks switches to Swiss domain after attacks since Swiss now trying to arrest WikiLeaker.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Extend It Then Don't?

A deal to extend expiring tax cuts for all taxpayers taking shape even as Senate Democrats plan weekend votes on bills that lets the tax cuts for the wealthy die. Makes perfect sense for Washington.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Datey Katey

Kate Middleton admitted today that she had slept with Bono, Mick Jagger, Justin Timberlake, Seal, Liam Gallagher, Elvis Costello(?), Meatloaf(??) and Sinead O'Connor(!!??). What will Willy say?

written by whatinthe world, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Going to Hell in a handcart? Not me! If I've gotta go, I'm going in a Maserati!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Blue Red Tops

UK tabloids saddened and frustrated by persistent Wills/Kate happiness.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Royal Family capitalizes on snow fall

Duchess of York relocated to grace and favour igloo.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Snowfall will not harm UK economy

Bank of England says: "A corpse can't catch a cold, can it?"

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

New government plan to clear roads

Princess Anne to glare at snow.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Bright side to FIFA balls up

One less visit from Posh.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Scientists claim three times as many stars as originally believed

Reality television blamed.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

2 for 2

Santa Claus dumps UK from itinerary after World Cup loss.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

The low pressure super system that stole Christmas

Snowed in, Britain forced to cancel holidays.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

92-year old woman says she's still looking for love

and her glasses.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Game changer?

Prince Charles' secret delight Wills couldn't win World Cup for UK.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Petty is the new diplomacy

WikiLeaks resentment so poisons international relations No. 10 won't congratulate Russia over World Cup hosting win.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

West Loathian fears over seismic event unfounded

Neighbours aid Susan Boyle after fall on icy pavement.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

UK's Top Ten Winter Driving Tips Delayed

due to road closures.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

WikiLeaks gets personal

Hillary Clinton beauty secrets to be revealed tomorrow.

written by Catherine the Average, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Idaho white supremacist builds Klan snowman on his front lawn

Mark Eliseuson said, "I didn't mean no harm, despite what the neighbors was saying." To prove his point he burned a cross, melting the snowman. Firefighters saved his dog before the house burned down.

written by JAB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

LPGA Votes to Allow Transgender Women

The LPGA commissioner said a constitutional clause that competitors must be "female at birth" would be removed, adding, "We still have final say over putters and balls."

written by JAB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

House Censures Veteran Rep. Rangel for Misconduct

Rangel was at times contrite in his address to members of Congress. Fortunately, the dapper Congressman didn't require stitches as he bit his lip.

written by JAB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Snow strands Buffalo motorists

Hundreds of bison in motorcars have been stranded for nearly 20 hours on a major thoroughfare in upstate New York.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Aretha Franklin calls her surgery a success

The Queen of Soul said, "God is still in control." R-E-S-P-E-C-T

written by JAB, 03 December 2010
Rating:

England Lose 2018 World Cup

Sorry, that should read 'England Lose Out On 2018 World Cup', bloody predictive text...

written by Nick Hobbs, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Fed Chairman Needs To Answer

Federal Reserve May Be 'Central Bank of the World' After UBS, Barclays Aid! Fed busy bailing out foreign banks & allowing funds to lead to firing half police force in US second most violent city!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Thank You USA

Thank you President George W Bush, Bono and USA drug companies for providing HIV/AIDS drugs to African countries to fight this deadly disease.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

President Obama says Trust Me

Obama desires Senate Republicans to ratify the START Treaty with Russia. The president promises to update remaining USA nuclear weapons, but also promised to renew oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Hiding in a Cave

The WikiLeaks founder is sharing a cave in Sweden with Osama bin Laden. How come this fugitive could find Osama when no one else could?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Lunch at the Cancun Environmental Conference

Japan proposes rescinding the Kyoto Protocols. This position reversal was discussed at a working buffet lunch catered by the Japanese, consisting of Whale meat delicacies!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Military Personnel Too Fat

The US Navy first noticed over 15 years ago that sailors were getting too fat and corrected the problem. The tip-off was a Submarine's Chief of the Boat couldn't fit down the hatch!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Here Comes the President's Debt Commission

Blue states dependent on Washington DC touted lower than the national unemployment rate, due to high federal employment & supporting service companies. When the federal cutbacks come, look out!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Pelosi's Pedigree

The pathetic pathological progressive pariah Pelosi purposely puts party politics prior to patriotism, perhaps polarizing people to perceive this puckish pariah as a perennial pompous pygia!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Obama's Economic History Lesson

During 2009 to 2011 the USA almost committed economic suicide. The cause a $3 trillion deficit, useless stimulus package, Obamacare & policies of the FED, FCC, OSHA, EPA, USDOT, TSA, DOI, DOE & USFWS.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Ahmajinedad goes to Arab summit

There was an uncomfortable silence after Ahmajinedad said "Hello my Arab Friends!"

written by Julian Shure, 03 December 2010
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