The Best Russian Submarine Commander In The Entire Russian Fleet
The United States Navy is still trying to figure out how in the world a Russian submarine ended up in Lake Michigan.
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And Yet Another Book From "The Sultan of Steroids," Jose Canseco
Jose Canseco finding himself in a bad financial situation and desperate for money has just finished his latest book on steroids. This one is titled, "Yes, It's True, I Fed Steroids To My Pet Guppy."
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The Darn Little Hamster Is Much Better Than Jessica Simpson
A little ten-year-old boy in the Netherlands says that he has trained his pet hamster to lip sync to the Beatles song, "A Hard Days Night."
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The Old Gal Never Having Been With A Man Simply Thought Her Four Extra (Blanks) Were Normal
An 88-year-old resident of Paris, France says that she just found out a few days ago that she has two extra nipples on each breast.
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One Of The Most Amazing Births In History
A woman in Wales recently gave birth to a baby weighing an amazing 87 pounds. After the birth her doctor asked how she felt, but 24 hours later she was still screaming non-stop like a crazed banshee.
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Sheridan not guilty of sexy ad
News of World private ad "Bi-Celtic swinger seeks transsexual leprechaun for nasal sex" not Tommy Sheridan.
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Brazilian Taxi Driver Shot Outside Club
A Brazilian taxi driver was shot Christmas morning outside of a club in Sao Paolo, Brasil.
"Bad news, he was killed," says police. "Good news is he doesn't have to live in Brasil anymore."
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Kathy Griffin's New Year's Resolution Is The Same As Last Year's
The star of "My Live On The D List" Kathy Griffin says that once again her New Year's Resolution will be to stop being a vulgar-mouthed bitch. She hopes to break last year's record of three minutes.
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The Vampire Aliens Are Most Definitely Here
The rumor that America's legendary Big Foot, aka Sasquatch, had been abducted by Vampire Aliens is not true. It was Scotland's Loch Ness Monster that was abducted by the Vampire Aliens.
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So Can Kate Gosselin At Least Cook?
Kate Gosselin says that she hopes to find a man who will love her because she is a good cook and overlook the fact that she has a crappy personality, a piss poor attitude, and a rotten disposition.
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Iceland's Very Interesting Research Study
A research study coming out of Iceland reports that the North Pole's frigid weather can be directly linked to the areas amazingly low temperatures.
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You'll Never Guess What Mr. Brett Favre Is Going To Do Once He Retires
Brett Favre says that he truly feels that because of all of the behind-the-scenes BS that has been going on that he may just decide to retire from football and concentrate on writing porn novels.
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Hugh Hefner To Get Married
84-year-old Hugh Hefner announces his engagement to model Crystal Harris on Twitter. "That night, I think I'll finally get lucky", says Hefner.
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written by
Bureau, 26 December 2010
Future News: DFS Sale Still On (published 2056)
EARTH - DFS, furniture store, still has sale from 1990. However, DFS exposed as Gfagotn plot to overthrow United Federation of Planets. War is now started.
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Freeze Disrupts Air Transport; Pilots Not Worried
"Sufficient alcohol in blood prevents freezing," says one
'high' flying pilot.
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Scientists Thank Climate Change for Cold Weather
"Could have been worse without the warming," says IPCC.
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Christmas gas contributes to global warming
Intensity of post-merriment methane pegged as major threat to ice caps.
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Christmas gas contributes to global warming
Intensity of post-merriment methane pegged as major threat to ice caps.
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Princess Anne Tweet
Annual Boxing Day peasant shoot today - hurrah!
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Lame Duck Answers
Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs said that the Obama administration has achieved Obamacare, repealed DADT and ratified the START treaty. Americans asked what about unemployment and the economy!
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Some Days Nothing Changes
President Obama is up to his ears in s**t when it comes to jobs, the economy and increasing energy prices. The president encountered more s**t on HI beaches because of raw sewage overflowing!
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White Christmas in France
Travelers spending Christmas Eve at Paris's Charles de Gaulle airport, due to new snowfall, entertained themselves by throwing snowballs at environmentalists carrying "Fight Global Warming" signs!
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The Religion of Peace
A female Islamic homicide bomber attacked a gathering of people receiving food aid in northwest Pakistan, killing at least 40 people and injuring 70 others.
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Who's Responsible Here
FDA and USDA have gotten into a squabble over the new Food Safety bill concerning inspection of domestic/imported animal products. Specifically, which agency is to be responsible for beaver!
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Something Smells Rotten
Obama fights Islamic terrorism in Afghanistan & wants Iran/N Korea to give up nuclear weapons. But, US companies sell goods, with Treas. Dept. approval, that end up in rogue states like Iran/N Korea!
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Gastronomical Discovery
Outside the ancient Mediterranean city of Tabouli an Archeological dig unearthed a rare amphora of Baba Ghanoush. The only other pot full was found in Garbanzo City, which is controlled by Hummus!
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Obamacare's Bureaucratic Nightmare Begins
Health Savings Accounts will pay for over-the-counter drugs if a note is gotten from your primary care physician! What next, an asinine HHS rule that requires an IRS Form 1099 when buying aspirin?
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