Order by:
Rating:

Patient Sues Hospital!

Patient wakes up during surgery to overhear, "So you're saying that if we stretched her small intestines out, it would be all the way to the end of the hall? Well, let's see!"

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Leg Grows A Foot

My leg's grown a foot: The amazing story of a boy who has had his leg extended by over 12 inches apparently grows third foot.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Cameron Apologizes

Cameron apologises for saying Britain was 'junior partner' to U.S. in 1940 after pensioner takes him to task. U.S. didn't officially enter until after Pearl Harbor.


written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Memories Return

Why fish and chips, or the sounds of ABBA, can bring strong memories, nauceous-feeling flooding back.


written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

14-Year-Old Accidentally Tasered.

Police officer accidentally shot schoolgirl, 14, with a Taser after missing intended target. Demands his weapon back.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Seatbelt Penalty Rough

Police smashed 'confused' OAP driver's window and dragged him out with a bloody nose after he drove off when he was stopped for not wearing a seatbelt. "Not wearing belt could have caused him injury."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Lardass Comes To The Rescue

BP successfully blocks oil leak as superhero "Lardass" lends a helping ass. "Take THAT Justice League of America!"

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Low Standards

Report: States set easy tests for students to achieve as "able to occupy a chair without going to sleep" gets you at least a 'D'.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

A Methane Powered Car Breaks down in Bristol

A car which runs on poo has broken down in Bristol on its prototype run today, after crap was found in the carburettor.

written by IN SEINE, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Calls It Teddy

Michelle Obama in Spain with daughter asked if the waterdog sleeps with President Obama while the family is gone, "No, he still sleeps with Nobel Peace Prize."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Migraines Dangerous

A migraine with aura can double stroke risk say experts. Then a stroke can increase the chance of having a stroke by 100%.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Don't Have Enough Strength To Get Up

Emergency crew called out to Mays Theatre in Livingston, Wyoming as nursing home night out winds up with ten stuck to seats with old jujubee's and chewing gum.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Uses Slow Dangling Movements

Lady in charge of nursing home entertainment has many of the patients on "Hung Poo".

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Memories Of Summers Past

Unusually hot summer brings back thoughts of the Beach Boys to Boomers, singing "Wouldn't It Be Ice?"

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

If They're Still Alive

Former VP Dick Cheney says that he told the troops to shoot first and ask questions later.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Heat Records Fall

All-time summer heat records fall or at least, warped by lying in the sun.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

B & J Having Problems

Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream having financial troubles. Could wind up with frozen Assats!

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Crop Circles Not From Aliens

Crop circles now thought not to n=be the work of aliens. Aliens usually work crops from one end to the other.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Fickle Finger Of Fate

Finger of fate points the long arm of the law straight at Roy Horny.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Wives On Crack

New poll shows that the biggest number of women on Crack are wives and girlfriends of plumbers.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Books Does OK!

New book, "Men Are From Bars, Women Are From Penis" not selling as well as original.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Fat Is In The Fire

Report: The future of the United States depends upon our fat little farts for the future.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Live Long & Poster

Al Qaida number two sends good will wishes to Taliban number three.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Let Them Eat Cake

CBS: ROUNDTRIP FLIGHT WILL COST $147,563. About the same number of jobless people signing up for the first time this week.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

UFO files finally released

After more than 60 years, film footage of UFOs have been released. Many were thought to be Russian jets, but many of the vapour trails were found to come from Sir Winston Churchill's lighted cigars.

written by IN SEINE, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Pissing In The Wind

Al Gore now saying that locating so many beer joints & bars near the ocean could cause them to rise even further.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Madoff Changing

Bernie Madoff says that since he has been in prison he can sympathize with "the little guy on the bottom".

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Israel Angered By Iran

Iran Holocaust-denying website angers Israel. "He will keep on until he is the one who won't exist!"

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Churchill Banned UFO Reports

Churchill 'banned UFO report to avoid mass panic', although he was beamed up twice.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Wildfire Spreading In Russia

Russia in losing battle against spreading wildfires, moving rockets. "Don't want any nuclear weapons launched prematurely but we will not allow them to go off here!"

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Campbell Not Sure

Naomi Campbell tells war-crimes court: Not clear gift was diamonds. "Could have been moon rocks."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Woody A Zombie Again

Woody Harrelson to star in another Zombie movie, "I've Got Betty Davis Eyes".

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Alaskan Dogsled Team Had One Very Interesting Member

A dogsled team in Juneau, Alaska's 88th Annual Dogsled Races was disqualified when it was learned that one of the dogs was really a cat.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

What The Hell Happened To Wars With Plain, Simple Names?

Remember when wars had simple names like World War I and World War II. Now we have The Iraq War - Storming The Damn Hot-As-Hell Effen Desert and The War In Detroit - Carburetors Be Damned And Shit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Wyoming Will No Longer Tolerate The Unwarranted Wearing of Cowboy Hats

Wyoming has outlawed the practice of wearing cowboy hats unless you are actually a cowboy or a cowgirl. Violators will have their hats confiscated and donated to the San Francisco Home For Gay Pokes.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Attention Homeless People: Come On Up To Green Bay - You'll Love It - Trust Me

Green Bay, Wisconsin, has the saddest homeless people in the nation. Experts point to the freezing weather. The city has decided to remedy the problem by providing them with free prescription wine.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Unbelievable Thing That Eating Two or More Corn on The Cobs Will Do

Food researchers say that eating two or more corn on the cobs can make you ugly. Amy Winehouse, Ann Coulter, Courtney Love, and Joan Rivers all remark, "Great, now you tell me."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) Reveals An Amazing Secret About Kate Hudson

New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, (A-Rod) reveals that yes it's true his ex-girlfriend Kate Hudson had little, itty, bitty titties. Oh and Alex, Gabourey Sidibe kinda looks like an orca whale.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Abraham Lincoln Was One of America's Most Popular Inventors

Abraham Lincoln invented the five dollar bill and the Lincoln Logs, but he did not, in fact, invent the Lincoln Town Car, as many people wrongly believe.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Russian pianist enjoys "fiddling" with little boys also!

A Russian Classical pianist has discovered a new found love, "fiddling" with under age boys in Thailand without his violin!

written by Jaggedone, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Naomi's bloody diamonds

Cat walk supremo Naomi Campbell has confessed to having been given some diamonds. But who gave them to her in South Africa? 'I thought it might have been Nelson. But he fancied Lady Hamilton not me.'

written by j.w., 05 August 2010
Rating:

Calls For Investigations

Bailed out GOVERNMENT MOTORS making political donations to Obama-backed politicians running for office?

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Free Handouts (At Mission)

FOOD STAMP USE HITS RECORD! Obama delivers on promise that everyone would have free assistance and that's what we're having to do, because of no jobs.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Sorry, No Boobs!

New Dolly exhibition exclusively at Atlanta museum. I'm sorry, that should be 'Dali'.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Medical Device Oversight Tighteded

FDA moves toward tighter medical device oversight. Several back scratchers are recalled.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Americans More Honest

Are Americans now more honest about their weight? "Where are you going to hide it?" asks one fat ass.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Big Head

Pregnant moms who overeat could make obese babies. "You'll be sorry when that big head comes through", says Doc.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

We Need To Climate

UN panel: New taxes needed for a climate fund. Many people have never been atop Everest!

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

"So I Panicked Again!"

Looking for the oil? NOAA says it's mostly gone. Chicken Little reluctantly agrees.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

And They Sat They Need Bailouts!

Mortgage rates hit low of 4.49 pct. Interest rates earned on savings drops to .0000000001 pct.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Jobs Still Unavailable

New claims for jobless benefits rise to 479,000. "Obama says one more thing about producing jobs, I've got a shoe with his name on it", sates guy in line for check.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Shoppers Numbers Still Down

Wary shoppers give retailers only modest gains. "They com in here and pinch, shape and sample before buying", states grocer.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Looking For Volunteers?

"The only quick way to save social security" is to have less people around to draw it", says Government official.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Got At Least One More Month

Trichet says economic indicators 'better than expected!' 'No depression yet!'

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Tour Dangerous?

Obama caps victory tour of Big Three automakers. Hit by hundreds of shoes.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Heat Tremendous

Heat wave bakes 18 states from Texas to New York. "We've been taking turns hanging on hooks in the freezer", states Louisville Meat Producers.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Still A Lot Of Anger

BP to pump cement into blown-out Gulf oil well. Those losing businesses on coast may pump cement up ex CEO's ass.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

New Jobless Numbers Jump!

Numbers for those filing for loss of jobs benefits goes up again. Obama: See, they're all taken care of by the government....of China. But we'll pay it back. Well, our grandchildren will.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

It's True About Prisons

New prisoner at California's San Quinton State Prison says now he knows why people say "Prison Sucks".

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Wouldn't Take Long

Obama caps victory tour of Big Three automakers or what's left of them.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Kentucky: We're Still Learning English

Poll: Language a barrier for Latinos. Chinese, Japanese, Arab students in schools. Teachers told to instruct in twelve languages.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

More Gay Delays

Appeal of ruling could delay gay weddings in CA! Flower shops launch complaint.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Pacific Power Balance Threatened

Chinese missile could shift Pacific power balance. US threatens to place nuclear weapons on all aircraft carriers.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Giuliana's Daughter Arrested

Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor's daughter is caught with a bag of stolen cosmetics. Accuses Paris Hilton of dropping items in her bag.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Obama's Work Nearing Comletion With New Taxes

Jobless benefits rose last week to their highest level since April, a sign that hiring remains weak and some companies are still cutting workers."All we need is the Obama tax on small business."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Horoscopes - Libra - August

Fruit: Kiwis
Bird: Kiwis

For Librarians considering travelling abroad this month, New Zealand will be your luckiest destination. Don't forgot to lock the bathroom door on the 30th. Use a wee key.

written by IainB, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Social Security Condition "Guarded"

Prognosis guarded for Medicare and Social Security. Completely off life support since elections due in November.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Jed Clampett Advises BP

BP to pump cement into blown-out Gulf oil well. Rich Oil man Jed Clampett recommends a cement pond be placed there.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Calls For A Vote

Appeal of ruling could delay gay weddings in California. Proponents say they will appeal appeal.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Seven Testify Against Creek

Seven testify against Creek in court. Creek represented by bottle of muddy water, Attorney.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Ryan Wins Rangers Ownership

Nolan Ryan group wins auction for Rangers. Players agree to build up muscle by helping Ryan haul hay on hid farm during off season.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Native American Arrested

Native American arrested outside Atlanta Braves Stadium scalping tickets.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

"We Won't Pardon You If Billy The Kid Pardoned.

NM gov meets with lawman Pat Garrett's descendants...at high noon!

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Football Coaches Not Worried

Jobs bill to stop teacher layoffs nears approval. Schools state that they will have to cut pay if this happens.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Social Security Threatened

Prognosis guarded for Medicare and Social Security. "Either straighten it out or Boomers will vote everybody out of office" says AARP!

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Mike Tyson Chews Off Dog's Ear, Saves It's Life

Mike Tyson chewed off his dog' ear after a coyote attacked the dog and left eat half attached. Doctors Say dog might have died from possible infection.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Dog Eats Man' Nut, Saves his life.

Dog chews off one of Tennessee man's nuts. Saves his life. "It was full of infection...hadn't worked for years...right painful that chewing, though."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Dog Chews Off Man's Ear, Saves His Life

Dog chews off Kentucky man's ear off, saves his life. "That ear was diseased and coulda have retched my brain."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Facebook Reveals Man's Second Wife

On Facebook, wife learns of husband's 2nd wedding. "I copied it and sent it to his (illegal) second wife. Expect she'll be seeing him soon."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Dog Eats Toe, First "DOG" Scan

A Michigan man credited his dog with saving his life by chewing off his diseased big toe as he lay passed out in a drunken stupor. "Had diabetes & didn't know it. Dog chewed it, medics removed it."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Harley Moving South

After 107 years in Milwaukee, Harley could leave...unless free beer offered there.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

New York City - The City That Never Sleeps Sure Does Snooze A Lot

New York City has just announced that it will start closing between the hours of 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. to give the homeless panhandlers time to go out shopping for a home.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Bill Clinton - The Man Who Never Met A Woman He Did Not Want To Boink

Bill Clinton has finally admitted that he has had more sex with Hillary Clinton than with all of his countless girlfriends combined.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Round & Round We Go!

Appeal of ruling could delay gay weddings in CA, appeal to Supreme Court, vote by public on "Proposition 9".

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Hurricane Katrina Was One Mean, Windy Bitch - Kinda Like Naomi Campbell

President Obama told the Senate that he wants to retire the hurricane name Katrina. One somewhat tipsy Republican senator shouted out "No sir, no one gets to retire!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Recycling Approved By Environmentalists

BP to pump cement into blown-out Gulf oil well. CEO: We reused a lot of cement attached to skeletons.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Brand New Showering Habits of Al Gore

Al Gore says that he is so 'gun shy' about the masseuse situation that now whenever he takes a shower, he does it with his shirt and pants on.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Remarkable Statue of Helen Thomas

Long time White House correspondent Helen Thomas, 90, to get a statue in her honor in Dearborn, Michigan. The slouching statue will be placed in front of the police station.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

You Can Now Get McNuggets At The Old Watergate Hotel

The old, infamous Watergate Hotel has been turned into a political McDonald's. Employees now ask customers, "You want clandestine fries with dat?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Oil Leak Cemented

BP to pump cement into blown-out Gulf oil well. "If she blows now, it'll be from somewhere else down there, might cause tsunami and drown southern Florida, but we're will to take that chance: CEO.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Are The Williams Sisters, Venus and Serena Really Bro's?

Venus and Serena Williams are mad at reports saying the two are really males. Serena spit on the floor, grabbed her crotch, and said that the bulge in their tennis shorts is just kinky hair.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Only The 4th Woman

Senate decides to confirm Judge Kagan as the 4th-ever woman. Millions argue that they are women too.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Naomi Campbell's 'dirty Stones' trial

Old baboon-arse lips told the court today Mick and Keith 'hadn't bathed for weeks' when they were handed to her on a platter by President Taylor!

written by queen mudder, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Republican National Committee Announces Strategy For November Mid-Term Elections

The RNC will impliment the same strategy that failed them time and again during elections: Presenting themselves as "Democrat Lite", ignoring the base and adding mocking the tea parties. Idiots!

written by SirBeavis, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Farts Cut....Arts Cut

British gov't moves to dramatically cut public funding for arts. For instance: Leggo Castle built to original size.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

But My Ears Are Below My Mouth!

Pelosi calling House back into session to vote on her next face lift. Not even Demos speaking to her.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Flush Tax Increase

Maryland's Republican environmentalists want to use the proposed "flush tax" funding increase to clean the State House in Annapolis of all incumbent Democrats, prior to Chesapeake Bay cleanup.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 August 2010
Rating:

None of the Above

Know nothing former Governor Palin endorses a right wing Republican candidate for Maryland governor. Know nothing President Obama endorses the sitting tax & spend governor. What's a sane person to do?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Big Brother is Watching

HHS has announced that the current solar storms generate beneficial rays that increase the size of women's breasts. HHS advises all women to go topless for the next two weeks.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The New Nanny State

Dingbat supermodel wants a law to force women to breast feed their kids. Obama says "it's ConsTiTutional!" He plans to hire 150,000 boob inspectors & get Congress to squeeze taxpayers for the money!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Failed Attack

An attack on Iranian President Ahmadinejad's motorcade, attempting to place a hand grenade in his shorts, has failed! He is still a little prick, anyway!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Mars Rover Back On

Houston Space Center jubilant as Mars Rover suddenly comes back on "Yureeka! I've Discovered Gold!"

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Heard It Before

Doctors agree that first time patients request Viagra it's usually followed by, "You know, as back up in that one chance out of ten that I might be a little tired."

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

The Al Gore Foundation

The world's greatest alarmists all excited about Solar Flares and 2012.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Next Generation Named

Latest generation of young people who eat mostly garbage nicknamed the "Fly Generation".

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
Rating:

Mars Sign

Hubble Telescope spots message on Mars "Titans Are Moon Heads!". Scientists say there might be life on there after all.

written by Bureau, 05 August 2010
« Jul 2010 August 2010 Sep 2010 »
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63
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111
4th
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73
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84
10th
105
11th
139
12th
92
13th
99
14th
123
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95
16th
79
17th
122
18th
90
19th
115
20th
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93
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23rd
106
24th
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