Order by:
Rating:

Redheads Erratic But Healthy

A new study shows that although blonds do have more fun, they pay for it later in life because of all the social diseases.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Vegan Out Of Here!

Vegan kicked out of national organization after being caught eating animal crackers!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Dressing Changes It's Name

New Thousand Island Lite salad dressing changes it's name to Five Hundred Island Dressing.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Sleep Tight

Bedbugs attack Time Square, Diane Sawyer slaps her way through the Evening News!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Soldiers Still There, Just Less Protected

First US soldier killed since President Obama's celebrated 'withdrawal'.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Art Thieves Arrested

Man and woman caught with stolen Van Gogh masterpiece say they were simply on vacation and liked to take pictures.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Proud Of Young

Pegleg Abdi's, the Somali pirate says his son, Abdikarim, is planning to follow in his footstep.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Swedes Set Guinness Record

Stockholm, August 22, 2010. Four thousand three hundred and twelve nude Swedes picked their noses while standing on one foot to set new Guinness World Record.

written by C. Cranium, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Oil Slick Found

Oil spill slipped up the Mississippi River during the night and has taken over Memphis. Threatens to float Elvis out of the ground if Lisa Marie don't pay up.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Weathermen Keep Missing It!

No big hurricane in three years, big sale on plywood in the South.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Hooked On Oil #5

Study: United States taste for oil has reached the point where we have the shakes so bad we can hardly put in $120 worth of gas without spilling $5 of it.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Hooked On Oil #4

Study: United States taste for oil has reached the point of selling your oldest son, Bee Pee.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Hooked On Oil #3

Study: United States taste for oil has reached the point of where we're offering ten years of back-breaking labor in exchange!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
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Hooked On Oil #2

Study: United States taste for oil has reached the point of seeing brig glowing neon spiders crawling all over your Hummer!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Daric Rawr goes to bed with Matthew Lush

Internet Celebrities seem to have a thing for each other, first Matthew lush, and then Jeffree Star, and now Matthews hooked up with author Daric Rawr, after their thrilling book collaberation.

written by JasonNord, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Hooked On Oil!

Study: United States taste for oil has reached the point of selling your blood plasma twice a week.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Iran Test-Firing Weapons

Iran test-fires missile loaded down with nuclear weapons, anthrax and biological weapons. UN warns them: "Now Now, Then. That is a no-no!"

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

But It's A Dry Heat

Ministers meet for informal climate talks. Then come out and tell everybody they're going to hell in a hand basket.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Not Good On Rollovers Either

New Indian car that gets up to 100 miles per gallon totaled after being stepped on by an elephant.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Supply Our Own

US Agriculture report says the the US must become less dependent on foreign oil from the middle east and wind energy from Mexico!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Bill Was Prepared

Recovering from heart surgery, Bill Clinton told reporters that he had always warned the staff at the White House that it could be attacked, telling the ladies especially to keep their heads down.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Pelosi Seems Excited!

Today President Obama issued his new presidential directive on terrorism. He told his staff "no more memos! Tell it all to Nancy Pelosi who will look excited about it, whatever it is."

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Justified Homicide

In California hairdresser apparently couldn't take it anymore and shot the guy who sold Phil Specter his wig.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

We All Have To Make Choices

In N.Y., an 16-year-old boy is OK after shooting himself. This kid was in his garage, hitting bullets with a hammer. The dad made him get back in the house and play his Cop-Killer Video Game.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

More people affected by recalled eggs than previously thought.

Most men that have gotten sick from the eggs, just thought it was from their wives cooking. One man said, I new it was something else because I didnt get as sick as I usually do from her cooking.

written by High Higgler, 22 August 2010
Rating:

About Time

CIA asks Google for help. "Would you please google up Bin Laden for us?"

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Nothing Going On Around The World Right Now!

Obama family on vacation again as President plays golf, discusses next vacation with caddy.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Congress Drops To Near Bottom

US Congress polls now show 2% approval, lower than any since the Civil War, and that was by the Confederacy.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

US troops unlikely to resume combat duties in Iraq!

What are they going to do if attacked, we might ask!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Still Thousands Of US Troops In Iraq After Withdrawal!

REPORT: Combat brigades remain in Iraq under different name. The president had to follow promise 'on paper'.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Born A Muslim

The Rev. Franklin Graham Says President Obama was 'Born a Muslim', that he was 'Born In The USA' using air guitar.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Baby-Faced

New research shows that people who are caused "baby-faced" lie to be older than others, but seldom marry because of small heads, etc.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Now We Know

Stephen Hawking: Extraterrestrial life may already be here in the form of Skoob's avatar.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Should Cut Crime Also.

Mexico agrees to house all US prisoners in exchange for immigrants in US now becoming legal citizens. Prisoner's told to develop taste for refried beans, nose for farts.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Toyota Problems Continue

More trouble for Toyota as 500,000 vehicles recalled for radios playing in Japanese.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Bill Into Conservation!

Former President Bill Clinton seen picking up trash on the Gulf Coast!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Hillary To Run Again?

Hilary Clinton tells Green Party that if they will support her if she makes another run for President, she'll wear only hemp pantsuits.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Edwards After Green Party?

John Edwards assures Green Party, says the next time he cheats on his wife, he'll leave the lights off to save energy.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

No Formal Peace Process

No formal peace process with the Taliban: Karzai. "Can you imagine those guys in tux and ties?"

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Peace Possible

Israeli PM: Peace 'difficult but possible' once we're all dead!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Worst Speaker Of The House Yet?

Nancy Pelosi says that the United States needs to start a fund for those widows and orphans of Suicde bombers in Iraq, Afghanistan!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Texting Banned

Brain surgeons banned from texting while in operating room.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

California Bans Plastic Bags

California bans plastic bags! Cher told she is not longer welcome!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Americans Graves Dug

President Obama says that Iran is not really our enemy, just because their leader has men busy digging our graves.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

More Openings

Hooker say they have not been hit too hard by the economy. We always have plenty of openings", one tells reporter.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

We Have Some Openings

Government agency points out that there ar still jobs available in their department that keeps up with the number of jobless in the US.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Most Want Pot

New telephone survey shows that 35% of voters want marijuana legalized. Another 35% too stoned to make sense.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Hospital Speeds Up Care

Study finds hospitals speeding heart attack care. Credits new "Surgeons On Segways" policy.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Accuses Brother Of Wanting Leadership

Second exploding cigar in a week sets Fidel Castro's teeth on edge.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Children For Peace Or Else

The "Children For Peace In The Middle East" say they will crush all that dare to stand before them.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Will Make Crowds Even Bigger!

Ghost of balloonist Fossett sends note that he intends to crash the Macy's Day Parade.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

We'll Keep Looking

President Obama, Congress tell BP Oil that they still intend to get to the bottom of things.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Wes Montgomery Enters Hall of Fame!

Wes Montgomery elected to the Elevator Music Hall of Fame!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Concerned Citizens Again

Concerned Citizens want Krispy Kreme donuts to put out low calorie, fat product for policemen. Policemen say they might as well eat a piece of toast at home. Find reasons to arrest Concerned Citizens.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Both Are Concerned

Concerned Citizens want Cracker Jacks to quit carrying prize.
Cracker Jacks calls them Concerned Crackpots.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Rescued From Well

Invisible hand from nowhere came from the long arm of the law according says man rescued from well in Arkansas.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Miss Universe To Wed

Miss Universe announces her engagement to Loggin Brown from Uranus.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Stan Moore's Body Dug Back Up

Police in SF dig up boy of one Stanley Moore as suspicions mount that Moor had been poisoned. Coroner Bill Ferris so far can only say that Moore's condition is "Grave".

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Long Arm Of The Law?

Shock for man ordered off flight and arrested by armed police at Heathrow... because of a traffic dispute seven months earlier...ran over a bunny.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Moon Shrinking, Harder To Hit

The Moon, professional athlete's balls are shrinking, say astronomers.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Let's Hit $50 Trillion & Declare Bankruptcy

USA DEBT: $13,310,379,000,000.00 and growing rapidly. Obama asks China for loan the we will "gladly pay you on Tuesday."

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Empire Bedbug Building

Bedbugs attack Empire State Building. King Kong using poor Fay Wray to scratch himself.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Private Spaceship Problems

Private spaceship carrier plane damaged in test, privates injured.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Sneaky Old Fart!

Man Arrested For Putting Semen in Female Co-Worker's Water Bottle, toilet bidet. Twelve office workers pregnant.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Taking The Blame?

Forget Bush. Obama now blames poor job situation on Joe Biden, who falls on his tongue.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Another Shopping Spree

VACATION DAY 2: Obama picnic on a private beach, shop for $350,000 worth of trinkets.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Iran Still Mouthing Off!

IRAN: 'Painful' response if attacked. Israel: If there's anyone left to launch it.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Tide Defends Championship

Alabama's Crimson Tide Football team starts where it finished: On a football field.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Amityville Horror House

Moving sale planned at 'Amityville Horror' house, as famous residence moves itself over to vacant lot.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Tai Chi Helps

Tai chi eases fibromyalgia symptoms, study finds. Medical marijuana eases symptoms of everything else.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

"Here's To You, Penis Puffer!"

Study: Smoking scenes on the decline in top movies. Reruns of old B&W's have been redone showing Lauren Bacall puffing on a penis.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Are Drugs Real?

Africans text message to check if drugs are real as rhino horn doesn't seem to be working.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Kim On Facebook?

North Korea reportedly joins Facebook as Donald Duck, Goofy, Road Runner show up asking other cartoons to join.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Stranded Whales Saved

NZ rescuers save 9 whales, Kirstie Alley, stranded on the beach.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Lots Of Independents!

Australian parties seek backing of independents, which covers everyone in Australia.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

President Obama Does Things

Obamas take a beach lunch on second vacation day. Goes to bathroom five times after five beers, lies in the sun....slow news day.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Chambers Political Pull!

Chambers of Commerce emerges as formidable political force as they say they will look for political candidates that will decrease foreign imports.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Mosque Flap Flop

Mosque flap tests limits of US tolerance, cowardice among leaders.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Golf Clubs Again

US golf clubs in the rough as members drop away. "Ran across two snakes and a drunk in the high grass", complains one.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Peace In The Middle East

Israeli PM: Peace 'impossible and difficult but possible'

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Australians Party

Australian parties seek backing of independents. "We're sick of same old party-goes getting sick and heaving on the carpet."

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

By Same People

Cumberland Trace Elementary School, new principal, getting a face-lift!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

White Wins Emmy #2

Betty White scores Emmy win for 'SNL' hosting gig. "At least I didn't fall off the stage like that Aerosmith clod."

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Betty White Wins Emmy

Betty White scores Emmy win for 'SNL' hosting gig without dying.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Doesn't Traver Light

Obama doesn't travel light - even on vacation. "He's always on vacation & has doubles of everything", say GOP!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

"Camel Milk: It'll Help You To Hump!"

Dubai camel dairy hopes to milk health food market. Say it's especially good with donkey Fazoo.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Popular Milk On The Way

Dubai camel dairy hopes to milk health food market as millions in the US demand their camel milk!

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

WikiLeaks Founder Denies Charges

WikiLeaks founder rejects sex abuse, cannibalism accusations. "Authorities just sore over recent military leaks."

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Other Problems Brewing

Tensions simmer in Spanish enclave in North Africa while everyone is watching Iran, Israel, North Korea.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Michelle Antoinette

Michelle Obama portrait debuts at Smithsonian. It shows her on vacation.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

New Iranian Bomber

Iran inaugurates nation's first unmanned bomber. Oil producers Kuwait and Saudi Arabia wet themselves.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Iran Launches Bomber

Iran inaugurates nation's first unmanned bomber. Claims it is for peaceful purposes.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Golf Clubs #5

US golf clubs in the rough as members drop away. "We're having to putt through sage grass", complains one die-hard.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

El Paso Shootout

1 dead in Mexico shootout on border with El Paso, believed to be a man named Marty Robbins.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Golf Clubs #4

US golf clubs in the rough as members drop away. "The water hazards are full of divers after free golf balls", says laid off caddy.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Golf Clubs #3

US golf clubs in the rough as members drop away. "Don't even drop in the clubhouse for drinks later", say laid off attendant.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Golf Clubs Hurting #2

US golf clubs in the rough as members drop away. Many US courses looking rough as St Andrews in Scotland.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Golf Clubs Hurting

US golf clubs in the rough as members drop away. "Can't understand it, people preferring food to golf", laments laid off grounds keeper.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Supplier Troubles

A supplier in egg recall has history of violations, especially during The Great Easter Plague of 1899.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Bedbugs Are Now in NY's Empire State Building

The bugs proudly report, "We've overcome our fear of heights."

written by Gail Farrelly, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Is the moon shrinking?

Yes. The moon has been dieting, working out, and spending time on a fat farm.




written by Gail Farrelly, 22 August 2010
Rating:

What does the 'Boro' football team have

What does the 'Boro football team have that Chelsea FC doesn't have?

A place in the First Division,

written by Lady Godiva, 22 August 2010
Rating:

President Obama is Religious

President Obama is religious as he sees visions and hears voices. These epiphanies are Americans tithing higher taxes, Obama begating more deficit spending and increasing govt. regulations tenfold!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Is President Obama a Muslim?

A survey of the American people indicates 18% believe the president is a Muslim. The other 82% of the American people believe the president is an empty suit!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

The President is not a Muslim

President Obama is not a Muslim according to Chicago's Reverend Wright. He says "Obama is actually an orthodox socialist with a tendency to redistribute other people's earned wealth!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Democrat Liberal Left Hypocrites

President Obama rails against Republicans wanting corporations to have free speech rights during elections. The president forgets Democratic labor unions, trial lawyers & teachers unions propaganda!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

EPA Shuts down Michelle's Garden

Anonymous environmentalist complains to the EPA that Michelle Obama's vegetable garden is in the middle of the habitat of an insect on the endangered species list. President Obama fined $3 trillion!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Chicken Inspectors

President Obama has authorized the FDA to hire 100,000 chicken inspectors. Each inspector will be assigned a flock of female chickens to inspect for egg related Salmonella, by looking up their arses!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

What's New

Congress plans to tackle problems of s**t, piss & corruption when they return from vacation. Expect the EPA to issue new s**ty regulations, that piss people off & corrupt small business operations!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Save Water

Prince Charles (Prince of Wales) calls on people to save water by bathing less. No wonder many people in the UK think the Royal Family smells bad!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

New Green Products

Environmentalists are having an orgasm over solar powered vibrators and dildos. Only problem is the products must be used outside in bright sunlight!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Loon's Law

For every Democratic liberal far left wing loon there is an equal but opposite Republican conservative far right wing loon.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Republican Dream

President Obama asks Congress to pass medical tort reform. The new law would limit doctor's liability in malpractice suits and ban trial lawyer's TV advertising soliciting drug related lawsuits.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

What me Worry

NY Democratic Senate candidate is worried about salt in American's food. There is no worry about a lack of food caused by Obama's mismanaged economic policy, 9.7% unemployment & $3 trillion deficit!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

The Great Depression of 2011

Great Depression of 2011 is sponsored by President Obama, House Speaker Pelosi & Senate Majority Leader Reid. They are affectionately known to the American people as three ideologically blinded mice!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

No Joy in Democrat Land

Well off Democratic liberal left loons discover that letting the Bush tax cuts expire is a bad idea. These loons become taxpayers, who must pay for President Obama's wealth redistribution programs.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

You Mean My Taxes will go Up?

Democratic Liberal left loons say "USA is under taxed compared to European countries." If Congress lets the Bush tax cuts expire the loons will say "we are not overjoyed to see our taxes increase!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

I'm From the Government………..

BP oil leak temporarily puts gulf coast seafood & tourist industries out of business, killing jobs. President Obama finishes killing jobs by keeping moratorium on oil drilling until November 2010!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
Rating:

Buddy can you Spare a Dollar

Democratic liberal fund raisers have a problem because President Obama screwed up the economy so bad. They ask the faithful for donations of $3 rather than $5, but the lemmings still don't get it!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2010
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10th
105
11th
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12th
92
13th
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123
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79
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122
18th
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