Order by:
Rating:

One In Twelve Babies Illegal Immigrants

1 in 12 US Births From Illegal Immigrants. "They're trying to screw us out of here", states border citizen.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Economy Bottoms Up

Nearly two-thirds of Americans believe the economy has yet to hit bottom, a sharply higher percentage than the 53% who felt that way in January."I'd sure like to kick You-Know-Who's bottom!"

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Two-Thirds: Economy Not Hit Bottom

Nearly two-thirds of Americans believe the economy has yet to hit bottom, a sharply higher percentage than the 53% who felt that way in January. But 500,000 lost jobs can change a lot of opinions.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Those Old Rascals!

Police crack down on mobility scooter mayhem as drunk and drug-driving pensioners doing 8 mph are a menace to society!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

What's A Bimbo?

Study shows that a young lady wearing make up and tight shorts do not make that girl a bimbo. They are considered a bimbo when they go around without them!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

It's George Again!

George Michael charged with drugs possession and driving under the influence after SEVENTH car incident. Causes cops car to wreck on the way to jail.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Drug Firm Supported Advisors

Third of WHO advisers on the swine flu epidemic that never was received support from drugs firms. So THAT'S what all the messages were about.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Weather Chaos!

What's behind the weather chaos? Read Paul the Octopus' new book "Better Grow Some Gills" at all independent bookstores.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Millions Approved

Millions approved for border security! It'll be hard for illegal immigrants to squeeze through millions.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

It's TheVotes That Count

Black farmers involved in discrimination case are questioning why Obama promised aid for large-scale farmers in South while their case is held up in political wrangling. Big farmers means big money!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Bailed Out The Wrong Country

Conservatives reacted sharply Thursday to reports that tens of billions in TARP bailout money flowed out of the United States and into the coffers of big banks in France & Germany.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

CPAP Wearer Mistaken For Alien

CPAP wearer shot in eastern Kentucky. Police find body of "Alien" stuffed and mounted over fireplace. "Theys look a lot like us exceppin' the head."

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Wasn't Free After All

Drunk driver in Illinois says he got high off the fumes of car in front that run on gasohol. Asked why he didn't pass, he answered, "Hey, free high!"

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

John: I'm Not A Mouthpiece For The Left

So why did Elton John sing at rightwing U.S. broadcaster Rush Limbaugh's wedding? $1 Million helped, plus look at all the free publicity.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

California In Trouble

California can't pay bills -- may use IOUs for August payments. Other states: We can do that?

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Nude Vacations!

Travel survey finds more Americans willing to try nude beach vacation if offered at low costs, high fences.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Once Again, Totally Unexpected

Homes lost to foreclosure up 6% from last year. Obama's answer: Keep throwing money into it!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Totally Unexpected Once Again

Jobless claims unexpectedly increase for the sixth straight month, to 484,000.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Explaining Health Law

With many in dark, groups explain health care law "as soon as WE understand it. We're over a third of they way there!"

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Son Of Quayle

Dan Quayle's son blasts Obama as 'worst president ever'. Says he's turned a democracy into a socialist country. Spells potato correctly!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Too Many Kid's Stories

Senator Dick Durbin undergoes surgery for small turban. Sorry, that should have been tumor. Read the kids too many Dr Seuss.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

No Use Sitting Up Late!

Meteor shower to light up skies tonight won't be as many nor as bright as usual, predicts Paul The Octopus.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Brazilian Airforce refuse to send captured UFO's to Area 51

Brazil has ordered it's airforce to register or capture any UFO seen flying near the Favelas. Also they must not send it to Area 51 because Brazil claim they only come to see Jesus hovering over Rio!

written by Jaggedone, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Gov. Workers Paid Double

Federal workers earning double their private counterparts as Gov. prints extra money on Thursdays before Friday paychecks.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Fish Dead Of Stress?

Tens Of Thousands Of Dead Fish Wash Ashore In NJ. "Probably panicked after reports from Gulf", says expert.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Traveling Fishers Of Gov. Cash!

BP may be paying out millions in oil spill compensation to fraudsters, some of the same that stole Katrina money.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Pass The Word!

PAPER: Obama 'may be prepared to meet Iranian president', bring report back to Charles Manson.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

DC Catches The Weather Plague

Severe Weather Catches DC Region Off-Guard; Rescues Underway.
"You would expect the nation's capitol to be treated better", says President.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Saggy Pants Issue

Montgomery, Alabama City Council hopeful raises sagging pants issue. "We'll try to use suspenders", says Council.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Deep Fried Sticks Of Butter

The Hoosier family behind last year's chocolate-covered bacon at the Indiana State Fair is at it again. "We'll kill everybody before we're through.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

First One Thing Then Another

Space station astronauts take 2nd crack at repairs. Also, take 2nd repair mission to close crack.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Are You Ready For Some Hot Decades?

This summer's deadly heat in the East and South could be a preview of summers to come over the next few decades, once again, according to Paul the Octopus.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Something's Wrong Here

Scientists at a site in Ethiopia find 3.4 million-year-old cut marks that they say prove our human ancestors used tools, 1.1 million years before tools invented.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

American Going To NKorea

American boy plans N. Korea trip to pitch peace idea, but just in case, he's wearing Foghorn Leghorn outfit.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Stress Producing Less!

Stress may make women less likely to get pregnant, study shows. Also stress may make men too tired to try.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

B-Z On The Border

House approves more agents, drones, workers & Queen on Mexican border.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Smog Finally Lifting

Smoke-shrouded Moscow gets welcome break from smog with giant hailstorm!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

No Anti-Terrorist Ads Allowed

UK bans offensive Anti-Terrorist Hotline radio ads. Pronounce Pro-Terrorists OK for now.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Ariz. Ties MLB Record

Arizona ties MLB record with 4 straight HRs. Fifth batter decked!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Jellyfish Flotilla Too Late

Flotilla of stinging jellyfish hit Spanish beaches, looking for Michelle but she had escaped.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

David Wolper Dead

David Wolper, producer of 'Roots,' goes back to his roots, at 82.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Specialists Report In

Doctor says Anna Nicole had chronic pain syndrome before her death. Didn't bother her afterward.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Hilton Sued

Paris Hilton sued for $35M for wearing wrong hair! After big fight in her dressing room.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Fossil Studies Revealing

'Lucy' species used stone tools, fossil study says. Also, big saber toothed tigers didn't cover poop. "Too much poop was everywhere."

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Jetblue Attendant A Hero?

Web embraces JetBlue flight attendant in NY ruckus. Attendant may put out song: Take This Job And Shove It!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Lucy People Couldn't Sing

'Lucy' species used stone tools, fossil study says. "While 'Dezi' species mostly sat around and sang "Babaloo".

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

"Lucy" People Had Hardware Stores

'Lucy' species used stone tools, fossil study says. Her people had stone hardware stores.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Lucy Used Stone Tools

'Lucy' species used stone tools, fossil study says. "But hadn't learned crows toolmaking to use to get food it can't reach.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Greeks Recession Deepens

Greek recession deepens as austerity bites* *Note: See US two years from now.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Job-Screening Tactics Challenged

Some job-screening tactics challenged as illegal: "And what are your exact measurements, please?"

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Dems Rally For Rangel

Top Dems rally around Rep. Rangel at NY fundraiser, just as GOP was hoping.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

We're Almost Through Here

White House: US on track to end Iraq combat role, so where to next?

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

At Least It's A Peaceful Exchange

Blockage of US-Russia civil nuclear deal unlikely as crazed US, Russia exchange nuclear material.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Deadlock : Blagojevich Jurors

Complexities may deadlock Blagojevich jurors as burp produces big flame of fire.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Al Knew Too

Long hot summer of fire and floods fit predictions, says naked Al Gore coming out of masseuse office.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Scientists Agree With Paul

Long hot summer of fire and floods fit predictions, according to Paul the Octopus.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Fresh Express Recall

Fresh Express is voluntarily recalling some of its salad products because of a possible health risk from Listeria monocytogenes. But say Listeria IS fresh!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Argentine Lake Offers Clues To Life On Mars

Argentine lake may offer clues to life on Mars as so much water has been found on Mars that authorities believe that Rover drowned.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Feds Get Him After Only 2 years

FBI says 'Granddad Bandit' captured in Louisiana after grandchildren forget and call him Granddad Bandit at WalMart store.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Watchdog Disturbed

Watchdog panel cites global impact of US bailout, howls over amount of US debt!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Expert Druggy Testifies

Expert testifies about meds. "Uppers, downers, bounce-arounders. I've tried them all."

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Mets Closer Charged With Assault

Mets closer Rodriguez charged with assault after closing father-in-law's eye.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Soldiers Already Paid

US wants Iraq to pay bill for war victims. Iraq wants US to pay for their war victims.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Final Plug Needed

Gulf leaders wary over wavering on final plug of well. "What are they waiting for, Christmas?" typical remark.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Ariz Hunt Continues

Maddening manhunt for Ariz. fugitives reaches Arkansas where they may have hundreds of lookalikes!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Arizona Fugitives Still Loose

Maddening manhunt for Ariz. fugitives reaches Arkansas where over 2000 relatives could be hiding them.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Complexities May Deadlock Blagojevich Jurors #2

Complexities May Deadlock Blagojevich Jurors! Such as his voice sounding like more than one person.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Complexities May Deadlock Blagojevich Jurors

Complexities may deadlock Blagojevich jurors, such as his head spinning 360 degrees while on the stand.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Sovereign Citizens Number Grows

Sovereign citizens spin history, reject government, don't record births and deaths. Same as many Illegal immigrants.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Superbugs #2

New superbugs spreading from South Asia: study. Birds here wondering if they taste like chicken.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Superbugs On The Way

New superbugs spreading from South Asia: study. Raid hurries out big shipments of Super-Duper Bug Spray.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Argentine Lake #4

Argentine lake may hold the key to if there is life on Mars, who will win last major golf tournament this season.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Argentine Lake #3

Argentine lake may offer clues to life on Mars, if Pluto is actually a planet after all.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Argentine Lake The Key?

Argentine lake may offer clues to life on Mars, if there are Nessie-like creatures in all major waterways.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Argentine Lake Offers Clues

Argentine lake may offer clues to life on Mars, if there are Bigfoot.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Policies Really Helping, NOT!

Company job openings, job applicant's mouths drop for 2nd straight month.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Don't Want To Think About It

Mountain of Economic Worry In Washington, Obama family may get away on vacation to the Gulf.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Ah Cisco, Ah Poncho!

Stocks look to extend drop after Cisco earnings, Poncho also down.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Foreclosures Up!

Homes lost to foreclosure up 6 pct from last year. So whatever the government is doing, STOP!!

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Judge Ruling Today

Judge to rule on stay Thursday in Prop. 8 case if gays are to wait for higher ruling or marry now and have it annulled later.

written by Bureau, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Poor old Becks

'Too old. I ask you? What an insult!' David Beckham was upset. 'He never even told me he was dumping me.' But Becks thought he might get his revenge by playing with his new country, the United States.

written by j.w., 12 August 2010
Rating:

Tea Party Has New Manifesto

They now go by the creed "Give Us Liberty or We'll Shoot"

written by Charpa93, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Sir Henry Cooper haunted by 1963 incident

Former boxer, Sir Henry Cooper, revealed how knocking down but not knocking out Muhammad Ali in 1963 has always haunted him. Cooper said he intends to fly to America next month to, "Finish the job."

written by Philip Wright, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Buckingham Palace release stats

The Palace have revealed that 90% of the Queen's engagements for the next 12months are "public relations," of which 84% of those are "Repairing damage to public relations- caused by Prince Philip."

written by Philip Wright, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Privacy Concerns Alleviated

Is Google Sat seeing you skinny dipping in your birthday suit? Then you need a Ronco (Russian design) do-it-yourself S-300 anti-satellite system. Free shipping if you call right now 1-800-BUZZOFF!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Hillary for Vice President in 2012

Secretary of State Clinton may be President Obama's running mate in 2012. The president needs someone with testicular fortitude. If elected, Hillary's Secret Service designation will be "Dick Cheney!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Democrats Still not Listening

Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs calls for "Progressives" (the professional left) to be drug tested! Republican Party spokesman says "we have been telling the USA this for the last two years!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

IRS Ruling

The IRS says that taxpayers cannot take President Obama and your Democratic liberal left Congressman as tax deductions, even though we are supporting their frivolous spending habits!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

"Splain Me Lucy?"

EPA tightens Mercury emissions from cement plants, some being forced to close & jobs are lost. USA then buys cement from China/India, who does not give a rat's patootie about global mercury emissions!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Turned Off by Left Wing Ineptness

The "under 30 yrs. voters" helped elect Barack Obama president in 2008. They have been so disillusioned with his administration, don't' look for them to vote again until the 2050 elections as seniors.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

Let's Correct the Problem

The 2008 elections gave us an inept Democratic liberal left President and Congress. The 2010 mid-term elections can give the USA a competent Congress (House and Senate). Two out of three isn't bad!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 August 2010
Rating:

David Beckham's heart in right place

Victoria Beckham asked that her present from David be, "A nice photo of you and the boys."

Posh was left disappointed when she unwrapped a framed photograph of her husband and the England squad.

written by Philip Wright, 12 August 2010
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