Order by:
Rating:

Jeremy Clarkson Mid-life Crisis

Jeremy Clarkson from BBC's Top Gear Motoring magazine has admitted to having a mid-life crisis "It snuck up on me," he said. "I just had to buy a Volvo Estate."

written by IainB, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Just Not Interested

Girlfriend doesn't seem to want to talk to man about his ass carbuncle lancing.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

That's 300% Profit!

Painting put out on the street for garbage collectors in NYC picked by bum and sold for $5, brings in $15 for lucky pawn shop owner.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

About Time

Tylenol Recall Expanded to include Mel Gibson, Al Gore and Tiger Woods.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Manson Told Bad News

Charles Manson told that another one of his followers has passed away. "Past where? Didn't even stop to see me. Gobble Gobble."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Next Best Thing, I Guess

Jewish mother has to settle for son-in-law who is an actor but plays a doctor on television.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Lady, I Kick Ass, Remember?

Obama admits that he wasn't comfortable on The View after the one lady called him, "A sweet chocolate-covered marshmallow bunny!"

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Tenth Year In A Row!

Pizza Hut voted best Italian food restaurant in Bear Wallow, Kentucky.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Blew That One!

President Obama embarrassed when he made a cute remark on "The View" and the audience just sits there.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Need Speed Signs!

Spill on Aisle five at WalMart leads to a five cart pile-up!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Gay Rooster

Gay Rooster having to cover high pitched crow: "Ahem. Eeeeiiiirrkeeet! 'Bug in my throat.'

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Hard Candy Christmas?

Looks like another "Hard Candy Christmas" as stores stock up with socks, gloves, underwear, hard candy.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Multi-National Product

Franco American canned Italian food bought out by Chinese Company.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

"Sucker Born Every Minute"

This Day In History: 1938! P.T. Barnum, who once said that there is a sucker born every moment, caught with clown behind tent.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

No More Lace?

Two different designers who work on bras at Fredericks Of Hollywood leave with black eyes after a bust up.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Jimmy Fallon On Emmys

As Emmys host, Jimmy Fallon aims not to offend any "queers and rednecks."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Man Doesn't Like Smell

After getting sprayed by cosmetic lady at Atlanta mall, man tells her she's wearing too much makeup! "You look like a mannequin."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Hurriedly Wipe Drools

"Nine of Nine" blows judge's minds at Miss Universe contest!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Handy Glandy

Man Blurts Out "Hand" After "Sex" in Psychological Word Association Test!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

That Would Do It!

Emergency Room staff let the cat out of the bag on how they get longer-than-4-hour erections down. "We show them Wilfred Brimley in an adult diaper."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

They Soon Get Better

New employee at WalMart in Kansas City always wears his badge at a cocky angle.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

100th Birthday

Family celebrates great granddad's 100th birthday by trying to convince him to die. "I'm 62", sates his grandson. "How am I going to enjoy my inheritance?" "CUCUMBERS!", replies Grandfather.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Tarball's In Dustin!

Gulf Shore and Dustin, trying to lure tourists back to Florida Gulf Coast with commercials featuring "Tarball The Clown!"

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Florida Towns Seeking Tourists

Gulf Shore and Pensacola trying to lure tourists back to Florida Gulf Coast with "I Love Tarballs" Bumper Stickers.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Hank Jr. Upset

Hank Williams Jr. still upset about not being asked to sing "Are You Ready For Some Vuvuzela?" before broadcast of World Cup Games.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Ever Heard Of Pink Floyd

Teenager who just discovered Pink Floyd driving all his pals nutty. "Comfortly Numb" is all about getting a shot for stage fright.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Need More Cash

Middle class students to be hit with higher fees, fewer grants and bigger loan repayments. "From now on, initiations will include a large cash donations say fraternities.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Contemplating Suicide

Eight million Americans consider suicide each year, mostly what they would inherit.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Over Twenty Bed Accidents

Police in Charlotte, South Carolina say that whoever came up with a convention for the accident-prone must have been pregnant.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

France Declares War

France has declared war on al-Qaeda, after launching its first attack on one of the group's bases in North Africa. At home, factories gear up for patriotic white flags.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Pakistan Still Mad Over Hacked Info, Cameron Remarks!

Spy talks off as Pakistan fury grows at terror slur: Cameron in battle to defuse growing diplomatic row. "But I told the truth. Just check the leaked CIA reports."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Honey, These Scientists Know!

Now there's an excuse: Scientists find a weekend lie-in can be good for your health. Just in time for American Football season, World Series.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Draws More Workers

Strong man Alan Rancher pulls oily whale ashore to shore with rope in his teeth as clean-up continues.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Andy & Goober

Andy Griffith to do ads for new Health Care Plan, while Goober acts like a nut in the background.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Red Balls The Cause

Labour leadership hopeful Andy Burnham calls Milibands 'elitist' and blames Red Balls for fueling division. Sorry, that should be "Ed Balls".

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Denver, Colorado

Denver is experiencing the hottest summer in their history: Denver has only received 24" of snow in the month of July.

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Hartford, Connecticut.

A Hartford's vigilante group that is lobbying to capture Jersey Shore's Snooki will no longer be able to use the name Hartford Whalers. Cuz, you know, she's fat, and.... Forget it.

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Little Rock, Arkansas.

Lawyers for a plastic surgeon accused of masterminding a bombing that disfigured a Medical Board member offered an alibi: l: "He was only trying to create business for his practice.

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Sacramento, California

Rep. Dan Lungren was ticketed after he was pulled over during an interview on his cell phone with a radio station. " I had to be the 97th caller: They were giving away Jonas Brothers tickets!

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Phoenix, Arizona.

1 day after a federal judge knocked down the key parts of Arizona's anti-immigrant legislation, police stopped arrested Mexicans because it is too f--king HOT to chase Beaners across the border.

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Juneau, Alaska

A dead whale was discovered pinned to the bow of a Princess Cruises luxury liner near Juneau Thursday. Princess will only charge the whale's family for a one-way ticket.

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Capital News, Montgomery Alabama

State Republicans hope to elect enough GOP politicials that Republicans will have a majority in the Legislature for the 1st time in 136 years!

All in favor of lenient gun laws, vote Republican!

written by anthonyrosania, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Isle of Wight Pulls Record Crowds

Despite shit weather and temporary closure of Bembridge floral clock.

written by Skoob1999, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Isle of Wight More Popular Than Ibeza

Tourism up 800% in a month. Nobody quite sure why.

written by Skoob1999, 01 August 2010
Rating:

No More Speed Cameras

The big switch-off: Will midnight countdown to end of speed cameras in one county herald demise of the rest? Meanwhile, County Auto owners racing engines.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Egg Producers Accused

Egg producers debate 'natural' label. "A little chicken shit smeared on eggs not sufficient."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

British Barbecue Season Gets Under Way

96% chance of rain. 4% chance of snow.

written by Skoob1999, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Snooki Arrested

Snooki of 'Jersey Shore' arrested in NJ beach town. Claims man kept calling her "Nookie".

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

New Pilot Rules

Congress OKs overhaul of airline pilot rules, a three drink limit!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Fourth Bear Caught

4th bear caught after deadly MT campground attack as Grizzly Bear's attempt to do "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires" reminded that Smokey is a Black Bear.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Bellybenders Hanging on!

Letton Fly And The Belly Benders top this week's Billboard Shit List of Top 100!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Lose Of Privacy

FBI access to e-mail, Web data raises privacy fear. In fact, you seem to have an email from them right now.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

From Long Range Studies

Scientists say global warming is continuing but sometimes takes a 5,000 year break from time to time.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Twitter Down, Something About An Asteroid!

Twitter down for hours of 'planned maintenance'. Big asteroid could hit the earth in a month. Did You say "Twitter down for hours? There will be a panic.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Chelsea Marries?

Chelsea Clinton said to have wed at exclusive New York estate according to latest rumor.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

No US Global Talks

US inaction on climate troubles global talks. "We've had our hands busy on oil disaster", says spokesman. "Most of us aren't even talking to each other!"

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Britain's Cutting Military Costs

Britain's military braced for sharp spending cuts. "We may have to go to suicide bombing ourselves", says top military leader.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Sorry! Wish We Could Help

Iran says 3 Americans should stand trial as Obamas plan their next vacation, to the Gulf.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Pelosi Looks Shocked

GOP looks to erase Democrats' comfy House majority. Pelosi looks shocked. But Dems may keep overall control. Nancy Pelosi Looks shocked.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

China Economy Slumps

Growth in Chinese manufacturing continues to slow as other countries have little money left to buy products.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Fight Until Elections Over

Rangel using 3-way defense against ethics charges. "But his ass is completely uncovered", say prosecutors.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Phone Hacker Dating Steadily

Hacker builds $1,500 cell-phone tapping device. "I'm early for our blind date. Hope you don't mind!"

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

BlackBerry Picked To Block

UAE to block BlackBerry services on security fears. May be first of many nations to do so. Prove them worthless.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Hamas Shelling Israel

Israel warns Hamas after continued rocket fire. We'll PROVE our existence once again.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Peace In The Middle East?

Israel warns Hamas after continued rocket fire into Israel. We will retaliate. Leave you guessing how!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Three Escape In Az.

3 inmates escape from northwest Arizona prison, stop to record Bluegrass song at a studio.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Chelsea Wedding Over

Chelsea Clinton $4 Million wedding goes smoothly at exclusive New York estate. Couple plan to help the poor.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

NM Guv Looking For Publicity

NM governor considers pardon for Billy the Kid, Liberty Valence!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

An Amazing Acomplishment

Hacker builds $1,500 cell-phone tapping device, using identity theft of only two victims.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Ask For Our Oily Discount!

Black lobster pulled from bay in La. not all that tasty.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Yellow Lobster Caught

Yellow lobster pulled from RI's Narragansett Bay extremely rare, tasty.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

May Settle Ou Of Court

Brazilian men swapped at birth work, live together, hit up all four parents for money. Threatened to sue hospital. "We have a new career", states one victim.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Afghan Pullout!

Gates: Small 2011 troop pullout from Afghanistan. First of twelve will come home in January.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

We Have A Whole List Of Complaints

Congressman: too much dispersant used in oil spill. We had to wait and see what we can criticize next.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Worse Than Oil Leak

Congressman: too much dispersant used in oil spill as it dispersed sea life also.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Forensics Working On It

Police in Landcaster, Pennsylvania believe that Amish male found dead there looks like he was churned to death.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Better Be Good!

Amish parents say that they seldom have to spank their children once they tell them of the creepy "Buggy Man" stories!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Al Had Regular Habits

Tipper Gore says that Al always finished up with a loud, "Global Warming Coming Up!"

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Lot Of Alcohol There

Funeral director At Mayberry: The late Otis Campbell's boy cremated last week is nearly finished except for a few bits of beard smoldering.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Amish Getting Down

"Buggy Nights" still number one of the top 100 Amish Hit List!

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

More Trouble On The Gulf

Leaking oil on the Gulf flames up once it hits a big fire ant hill.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Arrest In Washington Square

Man led from Washington Square in NYC by the police kept mumbling, "Stupid pigeons, you feed them all morning and all hey do in return is to shit all over you."

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Ralph! Ralph!

Chicago killer confesses, "If I hadn't listened to that stupid dog of the neighbors, my friend, Ralph would still be alive right now.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Change At The Top

"Shake Your Buggy" replaces "Buggy Nights" as #1 on the Amish Top 100 hits.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Don't Believe Nigerian Offers

US government warns consumers that those latest e-mail offers from Nigeria that promise that teach you how to charm a snake, collection agency there to collect or charm a woman for $5,000 are bogus.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Another Bogus Offer

US government warns consumers that those latest e-mail offers from Nigeria that promise that teach you how to climb a rope up into the air and disappear for $5,000 are bogus.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Guv Warning!

US government warns consumers that those latest e-mail offers from Nigeria that promise that teach you how to levitate for $5,000 are bogus.

written by Bureau, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Ancient Greek to Be Taught in Secondary Schools

News has broken of a decision to teach ancient Greek in secondary schools. The big question is WHY?

written by IN SEINE, 01 August 2010
Rating:

David Cameron has emergency operation!

Private hospital staff confirmed today that Mr Cameron was admitted, and operated on to remove a 'silver spoon' - unfortunately the operation was not a success.

written by Inchcock, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Eton start new Acedemic Course

Eton College, developed a new academic course for 2010. A first in the educational world. The Course is titled 'Political Survival Training' Modules include Fiddling, Lying, & Advanced Nepotism.

written by Inchcock, 01 August 2010
Rating:

I. F.Iddle MP Selected as Candidate

Old Etonian Irwin Francis Iddle. has been selected for the candidate in the constituency of Robumallville.

written by Inchcock, 01 August 2010
Rating:

Pentagon used waterboard torture on Wikileaks soldier

"It's a great tool for extracting confessions," a spokesman said. "After five minutes of waterboarding, Pvt. Bradley Manning disclosed the secret hideout for Wikileaks founder Julian Assange..."

written by Robin Berger, 01 August 2010
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