Order by:
Rating:

Charlie Sheen Takes on New Role

Charlie Sheen will rebound from cancellation of his sitcom 'Two and a Half Men' in order to lead new show with Jesse James and Alex Reid. The new show will be called 'Two and a Half Men".

written by Cuff, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Liberals Agree

Our idea of socialism is way better than decades ago.

written by Kevlar, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Many states change official mottos and symbols

Cannibus Sativa is the new state tree of California.

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Many states change official mottos and symbols

Richard Simmons is the new State Fruit of California.

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Many states change official mottos and symbols

Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears now have "The Official State Bush" of Louisiana (but only when they aren't waxed).

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Many states change official mottos and symbols

Harry Reid is now "The Official State Embarrassment" of Nevada.

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Many states change official mottos and symbols

Elin Nordegren is now "The Official State Swinger" in Florida.

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Sumo Wrestling Secret

According to the World Sumo Wrestling Federation, the reason that sumo wrestlers shave their legs is so that they cannot get confused with feminists.

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Taiwan discovers new "Susan Boyle" where the fuck is Taiwan?

Taiwan, that minute spot off of mainland China is about to conquer the showbiz world with their own SUBO, LIN YU CHIN, there is only one problem, nobody knows where Taiwan is apart from the Chinese!

written by Jaggedone, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Glen Beck blamed in murder of 16 Flamingos

Fox news network star Glen Beck is accused of the deaths of a flock of pink gay flamingos in Finland due to their one legged stand on socialism.

written by Cuff, 09 April 2010
Rating:

"How's Bob" Inc. renders "internet file sharing obsolete"

How's Bob, Inc rolls out "supercompter on a chip" with all the records and hits stored on its chip - "No need to file share, it's all on the chip".

written by Tcoah, 09 April 2010
Rating:

The way to a man's Heart is Not through his Stomach

..as Doctor Mavis Jones found out to her cost on the operating table today.

"Maybe I should have read a medical text book first instead of relying on Mother's age old advice", she said.

written by Jesus Budda, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Kleptomaniac's Anonymous Group Steal Alcoholics Anonymous' Drinks

The crime was solved by Detectives Anonymous.

written by Jesus Budda, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Big Brother is Watching YouTube

Tom's big brother Barry likes looking at videos of people acting like dickheads on reality TV shows.

written by Jesus Budda, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Apocalypse update

Secret service agents shoot lamb with seven seals in rose garden. Obama misread first seal 'White House' instead of "White Horse'. 150,000 lawyers erupt from hell in DC but no one noticed.

written by Cuff, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Yamaha Recall

Yamaha has recalled 20,000 pianos due to a problem with the pedal sticking, causing pianists to play faster than they normally would.

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Snippet Lymeric

There once was a man with a very fast whippet /
Who thought it would make a good Spoof news snippet /
But though he taught his dog to race /
He completely ran out of space /
And couldn't finish th

written by IainB, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Classifieds - Calendar

For sale, a Week-to-a-day calendar for 1974. Unused, as new. £1.50 or nearest offer.

written by IainB, 09 April 2010
Rating:

MI5 hire Assassin

The obese clerk, Ian "two asses" McDonald has been hired by MI5 to do the paper-work. Ass Ass Ian starts on Monday.

written by IainB, 09 April 2010
Rating:

No-Smoking Campaign Goes Naval

U.S. Navy nixes smoking on submarines, saying exposure to unhealthy secondhand smoke unfair to non-smokers. On the up side, sending non-smokers to death in battle - still okay.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 09 April 2010
Rating:

New Hybrid Runs On Algae

Troubled Japanese auto maker releases hybrid that uses fuel derived from algae, potentially good news for owners whose automobiles sped out of control and are now submerged in roadside waterways.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Earliest Known "Porcelain God?"

Traces on shards of pottery allow chemists to recreate 9,000-year-old alcoholic brew made from rice, honey, fruit. Other fragments indicate large vessel for use by villagers who had "one too many."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Wayne Rooney Art Goes on Sale - for Charity!

Wayne Rooney has displayed that he has as much talent for art as he has for football. His self portraits expected to bring in £2 25 for 'Children in Need'. Dont give up your day job Wayne.

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2010
Rating:

Moby Dick vs. Captain Ahab

Recent studies suggest whales may be just as smart as humans, leading some to wonder if whales originally left land just to get away from man's tremendous ego.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 09 April 2010
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