There were 32,313 spoof news snippets published in 2010. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:

Sarah Palin Debuts on Fox News

"There is an obvious disconnect between when the neurons in my brain fire and raw sewage comes out of my mouth."

written by Daniel Williams, 13 January 2010
Rating:

Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs

Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs
Xerox Reveals Plans To Cut 2,500 Jobs

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 25 October 2010
Rating:

Top Tip:

Women - be aware that telepathy is, in fact, extremely rare. Don't take a chance with the man in your life - if you want something, use spoken words, don't just think at him.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 December 2010
Rating:

Pentagon readies response to leak

Anyone know a good plumber?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 October 2010
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Dawns And Sunsets

There are many women named Dawn in this world... so how come no one is named Sunset??

written by Hydrogen Balloon, 24 December 2010
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Shoplifters Cost UK Retailers £4 billion

"We can't afford to pay them anymore. Nope. It's tough, but they're gonna have to go," said retail spokesman.

"We are in talks with their union."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 19 October 2010
Rating:

Top Tips

Always ensure you wear a pressurized pressure suit when venturing into outer space.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 November 2010
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US Budget Deficit Falls To $1.3 Trillion

Drinks on the house!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 17 October 2010
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More Water Found On The Moon

Who left the tap running?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 25 October 2010
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Top Tip:

Men - be careful, especially when shaving, not to slice open your carotid artery. It will not end well for you.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 December 2010
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Banks Warned Over Self-Indulgent Bonuses

"Nah, you wouldn't want me to 'ave to send ve boyz rahnd, would yer?" Warns Vince.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 October 2010
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Goverment Borrowing At Record High

Neighbour demanding return of lawnmower and barbecue. And where's my West Wing DVD set?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 21 October 2010
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Salted peanuts

Nature's marvel.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 15 October 2010
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Sombre Mood At UN Climate Talks.

"Well, the weather's rubbish - and did you hear? Leslie Nielsen died," said a spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
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Biodiversity Talks Hit Problems

Lions refuse to meet wildebeest hunting limit demands ... krill boycott whales summit.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
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Clegg On The Offensive Over Cuts

"F*** you m***er***ing C***s... you're all $"***ing *&&^^*S!!! What a bunch a f***** m********* *&%%55!!! Why don't you all just ^&$££"" %^^&((? Thank you.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Dunno about Mondays, Bob. I hate Tuesdays. Really. No - Really. Until I get me drink, anyway. Oh, and CSI:Miami. Well, it's nearly Wednesday then, innit?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
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UK Recovery "Faster Than Expected."

Yup - missed it!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 October 2010
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Lousiana state court jury fines pharma co over misleading claims about antipsychotic drug

Said spokesman: "Kill! I kill you! I kill you all! I kill your families!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 16 October 2010
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Commonwealth Games: Pool Blamed For Delhi Illness

"We told them: 'Don't drink the water.' But did they listen? Nooooooo!" said a Games spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 08 October 2010
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Queen Cancels Xmas Party For 600 Household Staff.

Official line says this is due to cuts. But insider says: "They've all been very naughty boys and girls and don't deserve a party."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 14 October 2010
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Hedge Fund Boost of $120bn

Neighbours fear loss of natural light.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 October 2010
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Boehringer Ingelheim Stops Development Of Sex Drive Pill

"Got a headache," said a spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 October 2010
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So Farewell, Bob Guccione

I used to read one of your magazines, Omni, for the sci-fi.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 21 October 2010
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Charity Warns Over Child Drinkers

"They'd as soon give you a smack in the mouth as give you 50p!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Ooh, look... snow!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 December 2010
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Biscuit Manufacturers' Conference Breaks Up Unexpectedly

"Crumbs!" Says surprised delegate.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 September 2010
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Man Rescued In Wheelie Bin "A Cat Lover."

Lifeboat crews have rescued a man off the coast of Anglesey - in a wheelie bin!

Spokesman said: "When we picked him up he said he went after it because he swore he could hear a cat mewing in it."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 September 2010
Rating:

MP's Knife Attacker Had Hit List

"Mainly sickly R&B stuff - no rock or metal or anything. Some hip-hop. Oh, and 'Grandad,' by Clive Dunn!" said police spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
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UK Will "Lose Fewer Public Jobs."

"That's right. We've developed a special labelling system so if you put them down somewhere, whoever finds them can see who they belong to," said top civil servant.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 November 2010
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BT Asks Public Where To Install High Speed Broadband.

But you can't have it. Nor you over there. Nope - not you... don't be daft, you certainly can't have it...

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 October 2010
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UK Nuclear Sub Grounded

"And you're not getting out of this house again until you think about what you did and apologise!" said mum.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 22 October 2010
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Top Tip:

To prevent drowning, hold breath when head is immersed in water.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 November 2010
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So Farewell, Leslie Nielsen.

Forbidden Planet was a classic. It was based on Shakespeare's The Tempest, you know. I once played Ferdinand in that. Crap role.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 November 2010
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Pompey Celebrations Over Match-Free Weekend

Portsmouth FC "superfan" Jake Seaport was dancing round Fratton Park, Saturday, celebrating a defeat-free weekend for Pompey due to the international break.

"Going up, going up, going up!" He sang.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 October 2010
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Fresh BBC Strikes Announced

"Yeah, the old ones were getting a bit stale," says union spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
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Six Water Companies Miss Leak Targets

Due to spelling error: have been growing sprouts, cabbages, beans and peas.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Daytime TV... Aaaaaaaarghhhhhhh!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 November 2010
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University Challenge: apology

The kebabs eaten by Ellis Ian and Mrs Fields while viewing the show were a Jamie Oliver recipe, not Nigella Lawson as stated.

EIF apologises for any distress this error may have caused.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 September 2010
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String Theory For The Layman

It's bollocks. Forget it!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 November 2010
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Blue Plaque For Lennon-Ono Home

Dentists completely baffled.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
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Liverpool's New Buyer - What's All The Fuss Says Seaport

Pompey superfan Jake Seaport says: "Can't understand why he went to all that trouble to buy Liverpool! Come on mate - we need an owner. Pompey's better than them scousers!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 16 October 2010
Rating:

Life's A Bitch, Then...

... there's the washing up!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 November 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Man, I'm looking forward to the weekend!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 October 2010
Rating:

People 'Daydream Half The Time'

... mmm? Sorry... what? Oh, I was miles away.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 12 November 2010
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IMF Forecast "Gloomy."

Said spokesman: "I'm just, like, totally fed up with it all. You know? I can't be arsed any more. Ask someone else.

"It's all crap anyway."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 September 2010
Rating:

Executive Bonuses Back To Pre-Crisis Levels

Said Toilet & Douche spokesman: "That's right - the fat bastards are sticking their snouts in the trough again. Oh, mate - come the fuckin' revolution...!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 13 September 2010
Rating:

Robbers Break Man's Jaw For £7

"Bloody bargain if you ask me - they said £10... I said £5... They said £8... I said £7... they said done!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 14 November 2010
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Prof Ken Lucid - A Clarification

Ken Lucid's colleagues wish to dissociate themselves from his remarks about brewers in his book review of September 1. "We trust his comments will not affect our supply of Worthington White Shield."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 September 2010
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"Unacceptable" Train Overcrowding To Get Worse Say MPs

As there are no plans to improve the situation, a working party has been established to seek an adjective to supercede "unacceptable."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
Rating:

Today's News From The Isle Of Man...

...

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 November 2010
Rating:

New EC Austerity Measures - 4

Ireland! Don't make me come up there! Sort those taxes at once!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 October 2010
Rating:

Pompey Unbeaten In Five After Win At Millwall

Said superfan Jake Seaport: "I can't... It's.... What the f...? I mean... C'mon Yew Blews!!!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 October 2010
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Obama Vows To Improve Muslim Ties

"The Windsor and half-Windsor are just not doing it for them," says Whitehouse aide.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
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Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington City

Burlington City: The City continues to be divided; the north side continues to be a Section 8 mecca, while the south side is inhabited by people in million dollar homes to afraid to walk the streets.

written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Rating:

Ryanair Announce Cutbacks.

Latest "frills" to go include wings and radar.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Hmmm. Wonder what's for dinner.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 15 October 2010
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Big Fall In Royal Mail's Profits

"They've been delivering the cheques instead of opening them and keeping them," said unofficial watchdog spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
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Rio Tinto/BHP Billiton plans to merge Oz iron ore ops face collapse,

They just don't dig it, after all, it seems.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
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Oxford Warns Of Fees Funding Gap

"We suggested Next or River Island, but if we don't sort it soon, it'll be bloody Gap Kids and Baby Gap," said source.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
Rating:

Edinburgh Boffins Develop Drug To Ward Off Memory Loss

"I'll show it to you. Hang On. I had it here, not five minutes ago. Where did I put it? Oh, bugger! Just let me think... I went over there... then what did I do?"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 13 October 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Aha! So that's how you pronounce it... Laocoon! At last.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 27 November 2010
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Strauss Warns England To Be Ready For War

"To secure peace is to prepare for cricket," he said.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 October 2010
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G20 Summit Agrees IMF Reforms

Irish Mouse Feelers say: "What's it got to do with you? Bugger off!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 23 October 2010
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Vatican Bank Officials Quizzed

Said magistrate: "They were good on religion and some science and nature questions, but films and music let them down."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 October 2010
Rating:

Daily Express Publisher's Profits Down 78 Per Cent.

"We've been losing too many readers. It's the Express readers' exploding head syndrome, I guess," said a group spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 October 2010
Rating:

Exercise 'Can Beat Common Cold.'

But it's still going to take drugs and rest for the aristocratic cold, say experts. Typical!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 November 2010
Rating:

Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.

We're just about to invade a Canadian town called Sandwich. Hope we invade the towns of Free Hookers and Inexpensive Whiskey next!

written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Rating:

New EC Austerity Measures - 2

Portugal says: "How come Ireland gets to play Playstation? It's just not fair! I hate you!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 October 2010
Rating:

China Inflation At Two-Year High

"The tea service just will not fit in the cupboard any more," says concerned housewife.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 11 November 2010
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1.2 Million US People Want A Job But Aren't Looking

"We call 'em stupid," says government insider.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
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So Farewell, Dino De Laurentiis

I liked many of your movies... but Dune was pretty ropey, wasn't it?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 12 November 2010
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Post Office To Offer New Services

Sales staff at sales windows... stamps on sale... all-day queueing...

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
Rating:

Pope Warns Of Spanish Secularism

"Could be as bad as Dutch Elm, German Measles, Spanish Flu..." says Vatican source.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 November 2010
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Job Cutting Twinings Defends EU Grant

"Thought he was good in Four Weddings and A Funeral and he was a loveable rogue in Bridget Jones. What was that one about the Welsh hill... Oh, sorry.. E.U. Ah."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 November 2010
Rating:

Consultancy Firms To Hire Thousands Despite Govt Cuts

Said Toilet & Douche spokesman; "Ha ha ha! Great, innit? We're getting money, you are not.."

Added KMGP insider: "Have a cigar, dude!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 05 October 2010
Rating:

Working Abroad Seminar.

Conclusion: Some people are working abroad. Some aren't.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
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Northern Foods To Cut 500 Jobs

Said Union official: "Bastards! Bet Southern Foods aren't slashing jobs! It's regionalism - north vs south - all over."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
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Qantas To Review How It Flies A380

Pilots thought to be top of thinking.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 November 2010
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IMF Fails To Solve Currency Disputes

"I've done all I can and I'm bloody exhausted. One word from me and they do as they like.

"You talk to them. They want their heads knocking together if you ask me."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 October 2010
Rating:

UK trade deficit narrows slightly.

"Does my bum look big in this now?"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 13 October 2010
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Bank Says Economy Still Uncertain.

"Yes... it's not sure what to do really... take a gap year... go to work... carry on at uni. Just wish it would make up it's mind - lolling around the bloody house all day."

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 10 November 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Why aren't all greyhounds grey?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 19 November 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Rioja! Oh yeah!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 November 2010
Rating:

Cher, Who is 89, Explains Why She Is So Upset

The former singer known as Cher says that she is really upset because she just noticed that her wrinkles now have wrinkles.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 August 2010
Rating:

New EC Austerity Measures - 3

Ireland reacts to EC tax rate criticism: "No fair! Why are you always picking on me? Belgium did it too!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 October 2010
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US Consumer Spending Up 4 per cent.

Set to fall again after Ellis Ian and Mrs Fields returned to UK last week after stateside holiday.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 02 October 2010
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Flu-Hit Thatcher Out Of Hospital.

Roofing repairs recommence next week.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 November 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

That Carol Kirkwood on Breakfast weather's a looker, ain't she? Talk about occluded front!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 November 2010
Rating:

Gaelic Speaker Shortage Revealed

"We can't understand it," says expert.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 November 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Bloody weather!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 November 2010
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Cameron Declares Victory On Budget Cap

"Brilliant! Ace! Two quid from Shepherd's Bush market!"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 October 2010
Rating:

Al-Qaeda Group Claims Cargo Bombs

"Yup - they're the ones... knew we'd put them down somewhere. Can we have them back please? Ta"

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 November 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Ooh, my bloody shoulder hurts!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 November 2010
Rating:

So Farewell, Ingrid Pitt.

Cor! Didn't half fancy you in my teens in the 70's!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
Rating:

Flasher Bitten By Victim's Dog.

On the arm. On the arm? Stupid dog. Get it trained properly!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 30 October 2010
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Thought For The Day:

Golf! What's that all about? It's not even a 'good walk spoiled' for my mate - he uses a buggy. Lazy bugger!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 24 November 2010
Rating:

Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington Township

Burlington: Senator Diane Allen celebrates what brought her to politics: "It's been 25 years since WCAU decided I was too fat to be a news anchor, because my head wouldn't fit on screen.

written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Going to Hell in a handcart? Not me! If I've gotta go, I'm going in a Maserati!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 03 December 2010
Rating:

Thought For The Day:

Better 'phone me mam this weekend.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 05 November 2010
« 2009 2010 2011 »
January
3,102
snippets
February
3,807
snippets
March
3,269
snippets
April
1,215
snippets
May
2,831
snippets
June
3,164
snippets
July
2,731
snippets
August
3,121
snippets
September
2,078
snippets
October
2,497
snippets
November
3,144
snippets
December
1,354
snippets

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