Order by:
Rating:

In Defense, He IS 800 Years Old

In newly discovered cave tree drawing Eve depicts Adam sexually as an old stick in the mud.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Bob Dole No Longer Spokesman

Bob Dole in interview with Barbara Walters says that he is no longer a spokesman for Viagra. "I'm trying to downplay all that", states Senator.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Warming Having Snowball Effect

Several leading Alaskan farmers say that this is the worst crop of snow peas they have ever had.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Uh-Oh!

Osama Bin Laden, Taliban leader say they are now training trackers to follow troops back to US, Britain.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Acme: Home Of Wiley Coyote, Genius

Acme Ceiling Window Company have decided that they are going to solar power!

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Riddle

I got a blow job in the oval office, and my wife became a senator. Who am I?

written by bartolomeo7, 14 September 2009
Rating:

We Look Rediculous!

Zombies to hold march in New Orleans next weekend against undertaker's giving them all a stupid (BRAINS!) permanent grin.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Warden Nominated For Film

"Woman's Prison Riot" video third only to "Girls Gone Wild" and "An Inconvenient Truth" videos in worldwide sales report.
Warden nominated posthumously for "Best Director of A Documentary".

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

But Not A Record

At the annual AARP meeting in Orlando, Florida, Mr. John Wesley Wilson, 82, won the 2009 trophy for leaving his left turn signal the longest, some 110 miles.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Man sues Michael Jackson estate after discovering love is not as "easy as 1-2-3."

A divorced Iowa man filed a suit against
the Michael Jackson Estate in U.S. District Court charging that Jackson violated the False Claims Act by asserting that love was as easy as ABC or 1-2-3.

written by anchochilly, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Diet Coke Enjoyed Alongside Baconator

Claims adjuster and area fat-ass James "Jim" Mitkowski fooled no one this weekend by ordering a Diet Coke with his Wendy's "Baconator."

written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Missing Link Found?

Scientists are excited by recently discovered well-preserved ape remains whose brains were found to be in its penis.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Beyonce Slips Kanye a Fifty

When the celebs had gone home, when the red carpet had been rolled up, Beyonce could be seen giving Kanye West fifty dollars in the parking lot behind McDonalds, looking, according to sources, pissed.

written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Mork To Market

Robin Williams to be spokesperson for India's Tata Motors ultra-cheap Nano Nanu car.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Obama Plans New Speeches

President Obama drops controversial noisily-protested town hall meetings in favor of Obama-Biden Debates.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Laid Back Restaurants Becoming Popular

Slow Food Restaurant worker wants to know if you'd like a bowl of crock pot potato soup with that?

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

German Viagra Beer, hard, horny and get's you "STIFF" for weeks!

Germans again beat the world hands-down, have discovered Viagra Beer and now the world awaits their latest invasion after Lidl, Aldi, BMW, etc, we are ready to be "Stiffened", by Viagra-Beer, PROST!

written by Jaggedone, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Freddie Mae Bailout Next?

Hundreds of gay/lesbian investors demand that the US government also bail out Freddie Mae!

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Swine Combine For Obama

Out of some 90,000 protest marchers who were in Washington over the weekend, nearly 50,000 have the Swine Flu. Marchers blame Chicago thugs with flu mixing in among them.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

New Bullitt Remake?

The latest Hollywood movie rumor is that a remake of the old Steve McQueen "Bullitt" is being made, starring Billy Ray Cyrus called "Mullitt".

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Willie's Accountant Missing

Fans and friends of Willie Nelson say they hope he's not in tax trouble again, after announcing yesterday that for the next two years, he will be performing in the Cayman Islands.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

No Human Contact

People being warned to avoid the swine flu completely now being told to avoid human contact. So far, only Cher and Joan Rivers have been given the OK as they are now only 40%.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

News Abuse

Italian court refuses to dismiss charges against Foxy Knoxy but Turkey Lurky, Ducky Lucky given ten years each.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Might Already Be Here

A memory-cleansing drug that has the ability to remove any recollection of unhappy or embarrassing incidents could be developed soon states jolly old scientist.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Batons At Blazing Club

Police use batons on revellers who refused to leave blazing club because they wanted to see Pixie Lott. "First time we have eve used our blazing batons", says officer.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Know Who The Ass Is

A pimple on the ass of progress. That's what a White House senior advisor called Joe Wilson who called the Ass a liar!

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

The Home Repot

Glue, nails, screws, cement; everything you need to piece together the shattered remains of your life after foreclosure.

written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 14 September 2009
Rating:

"Hey, I've Been Bit By A Rattler!"

Phoenix Sleepwalkers Rehab Unit closed after clients there for help, found wandering all night around the desert.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Sometimes Go Off If Dropped

President Obama introduces bill that would disallow the installation of anymore Childen's Gun Pick-Up machines.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Polar Bear Club Changing

The Polar Bear Club, who usually dive into frigid waters in their swimsuits, have changed their name due to global warming. They are now "The Polar Bear Club Stuck On An Ice floe."

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Nutcracker Updates

New version of The Nutcracker featuring dancing adult toys, Elton John as the Suger Plum Fairy expected to draw protests.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Rolls Royce Downsizing

In Englan, the sale of the Rolls Royce has dropped by 20%. Makers say they may drop the price by removing hood ornament, back window curtain and grey poupon holder.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

New Corduroy Accord

New Japanese car runs on static electricity as long as passengers wear corduroy, rubs legs together during ride.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Amur Leopard Also Spotted

Only survivor of saber-toothed tiger attack claims there's an endangered species cloning lab hidden in the Great Smokey Mountains.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Who Rules Honduras?

New Honduras leader Micheletti saying that other countries are simply on a witch hunt, flies off the handle.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Pigs Accuse Cows

Pigs accuse cows of starting Swine Flu epidemic talk to get "Mad Cow Disease" off newspaper headlines.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Money Raiser For Getting Lisa Marie A New Brain

Michael Jackson's white glove, Elvis sock worn inside pants to be auctioned off for operation.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Wealthy Giving Some Back

President Obama, getting more specific on health care as requested, says he will pay for it by auctioning celebrity sperm, eggs on eBay.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

They're Outa Here

California economic crisis leading to all death row prisoners to choose door with Tiger, $1,000 & Freedom behind them to ease prisoner, zoo costs.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

No 1676 Visas

FBI agent Charley Red Horse deports 10,000 more illegal white European Americans.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Bush On Football

Former President Bush doing color commentary on Sunday Night Football great say fans who were rolling on the floor after comments like "Dolphins appear sunk, New Yerk Jokes, etc".

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Watching Squirrel Flu

Flu season comes early; most are swine variety as three men now suffering from Squirrel Flu have lost their nuts.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Just Take Something, OK?

Study: New drug fights flu as well as Tamiflu does. Then again, so do placebos.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

EU Predictions

European Union forecasts end to recession by January, beginning of depression.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Gotta Watch Close

Oil drops below $69 as dollar gains, stocks slide, housing prices up as Wall Street predicts the opposite for tomorrow.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Wish She Would Stop The Farting

Straight spouses advocate same-sex marriage! "At least they don't have to live with a big farting slob who watches 10 games of football on the weekend."

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Illiteracy Undermines Army

AP IMPACT: Illiteracy undermines Afghan army: "B O M B! that spells moon!"

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

VMA Honors Jackson

VMA chaos, as usual: Kanye upset, Jackson honored, then replaced back into vault.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Die Is Cast

Senate health care plan to create winners, losers as a lot will depend upon throw of the dice. Those on Obama's death list ready to leave for Canada.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Shoe Thrower Still In Jail

Iraqi shoe thrower's release from jail delayed until his assassins have time to get into their hideaways.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Obama "Powerless"

Bin Laden reportedly calls Obama 'powerless'. Mr Laden made the statement from his desert cave with a flashlight shone in his face during blackout.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Ex-Con Guides

Ex-cons in Naples get 2nd chance as tourist guides. "And over here you can see where the police recovered the remains of Shifty Fabrizio DiMarco."

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

High Scholl Keys To College

Which High School Students Are Most Likely to Graduate From College? Stats reveal that 95% are those who graduated.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Obama Touts Obama

Obama touts Wall St. changes on Lehman anniversary. Credits socialized medicine for the improvement.

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Top American Worries

AP Poll: Economy still troubles most Americans as worrying if Cunningham is seriously injured for the Philadelphia Eagles drops to second. Third: Will we all die from the Swine Flu?

written by Bureau, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Rats!

The president's new regulatory Czar thinks rats should have the right to an attorney, to sue humans. This loon is being sued by Charlie Brown over a copy right infringement for using the word "Rats."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Billion Squirrel March

Billions and billions of nonpartisan red and grey squirrels will be descending on Washington DC in October to stage a protest. The rodents are upset over ACORN giving their favorite nut a bad name.


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Required Reading

435 copies of Tolstoy's War and Peace have been delivered to the US House. Speaker Pelosi has made it mandatory reading, to get members used to reading long bills or writing shorter ones.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Coast Guard: USS Public Option in Trouble

USS Public Option hit an iceberg, the American people. CG reports no injuries. The president was not on board, but a soggy Speaker Pelosi, Spokesman Gibbs & Advisor Axelrod were pulled from the water.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

No More American Taxpayers Money (ATM)

Ten thousand White House protesters fed up with federal spending showed disdain for health care reform with slogans such as "Obamacare makes me sick" and "I'm not your ATM." The president wasn't home!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Japan's Prime Minister Spurns Globalization

Japanese PM is anti US-led globalization! OK America, do your part, no more buying Japanese cars, electronics, cameras or cell phones. Let's take our business across the street to Korea!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Pro Health Care Reform Rally Scheduled

Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs announced a pro health care reform rally is to be held in Washington DC. He added that President Ahmadinejad, I mean President Obama will address the gathering.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
Rating:

Venezuela Earthquake Reported

A moderate earthquake rattled Venezuela's capital Caracas on Saturday, but no one was injured. Seismologists indicate it was President Hugo Chavez cracking down on TV stations again.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
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