Order by:
Rating:

Athlete & Pop Star's Angry Cock Allegation Rebuttal

South African Runner Castor Semenya and Rock Legend Lady GaGa have fought back against allegations that they are men, stating "It's a Load of Balls"

written by Ulver, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Capello Bans WAGS From World Cup

Reports from The Wiggles say Wags doesn't give a shit, as he hates football.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Blue Man Incentive

The Bellagio in Las Vegas is now offering a free bottle of three Viagra tablets with every ticket bought to see the Blue Man Group.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

The Payer Picks

Charmin Tissue has reached an agreement with college team reps to change the name of one of their championship games to the Toilet Bowl, where both teams will try to beat the shit out of the other.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Tapped The Wrong Man

A Washington DC hospital reports that Senator Larry Craig will be OK after a couple of days, but still could get hepatitis from being found standing upside down with head in unflushed commode.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Here They Come Again

Bowling Green, Kentucky man who is now running his car on gasahol is often seen driving through downtown with a pack of boozehounds chasing him.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

First Things First

New Japanese leader, Yukio Hatoyama, has asked that Godzilla be put on the endangered species list "Or we all get put on there."

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Mystery Of Mayor of Exeter's Numberplate Cleared Up

The registration 1 CFJ on the Mayor's ostentatious limousine was today revealed as standing for 'One Cosy Fucking Job'

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

KFC Cleared By Court In 'Boneless Box' Litigation

The judge ripped up the box, and found it contained no bones; it was all cardboard. Rather like the contents.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Clinton Hit By Ball Lightning

Hillary Clinton hit by ball lightning. She's going to be OK but her voice is quite a bit higher.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Seniors Advancing

A new study states that the average US high school senior doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground but can show you both on his home computer.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Old Smut-Mouth Cracks

Recent long dry spell causes Joan Rivers' other end to crack, with same thing coming out of each.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

And We Just Fell Off

The earth may not be flat but the economy sure the heck is, say bitter laid-off astronomers.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Dogs & Cats Differ

Animal behaviorists say that dogs are from Mars, cats are from..well, they told us where we need to go with our question.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Denied By One & All

Joe Wilson, Republican congressman from South Carolina, says his "You lie!" outburst to Obama speech was 'spontaneous' and that everyone got mad because they all thought he was referring to them.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

It's Erect Now

After being shaken pretty hard a couple of weeks ago, Italians today mixed alcohol with a crate of Viagra pills to straighten to Leaning Tower of Pisa.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Forbes May Die

Steve Forbes who was once a presidential candidate, announced today that he has a dreaded disease but still couldn't quit smiling so no one has taken him serious, same as when he ran for president.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

It Was Brother Porker

Swine Flu traced back to one monk who, one day while having a high fever, taught his students in Pig Latin while attempting to fly around the room.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Old Diet Back Again

Although "The Peanut/Banana Diet" is back after some thirty years, nutritionists say it's being pushed by the Big Enema Business.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

"Keep On Puffing!"

The R J Reynolds Tobacco Co. told it's shareholders today that high cost of chemicals, taxes driving price of cigarettes up. "Remember, the less of you there are, the more each share is worth."

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

History Repeats Itself

Health, wealth and tooth gap between rich and poor as big as it was in 1900.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Household Loses £31,300

Falling house prices, sliding share values but mostly new taxes wipe £31,300 from the average household.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

News To Me

Tip hunt for grandmother's £12,000 life savings after she throws it away with trash. Retired trash hauler says he never saw anything of it.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Poor Attacker Injured

Millionaire faces jail for attack on knife raider at his home. The poor knife raider victim told police that he was down to his last knife.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Training Exercise

U.S Coast Guard sparks 9/11 security scare with 'training exercise' in Potomac moments after Obama crossed river. "We have to practice if we ever decide to blow up the president", stated officer.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

No Goliath Defeats Here

College football gets off to usual start: #1 Florida defeats Ohio Middle School 145-0, #2 Texas defeats Mid-Atlantic Birdwatchers (Go Birdies!) 489-0! Over 50 players injured in stampedes!

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Probably Why They Were Hidden

Two previously unknown piano pieces by Mozart discovered lately turn out to be commercial jingles for eel-salesmen.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Obama Blasts Brown

So-called Liar, US President Obama blasts Brown on Lockerbie in 40-minute phone call which No.10 had said was 'warm and substantive'

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Torture Of Non-Brit Forbidden

MI6 probed by Scotland Yard over torture of non-Briton "They know we are only to torture our own", states probe spokesman.


written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

That's Too Easy

The world's largest economies have spent $10,000 for every person in a bid to fix the financial meltdown of the past year when $5,000 sent to each consumer would have done the trick.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

South Africa Threatens WWIII

South African officials have stepped up their defence of Caster Semenya, warning of a "third world war" if the row over her sex stops his competing.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Songbirds Sing Other's Songs

Songbirds sing cross-species duet. "They're definitely the 'good times' birds', says expert.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Gordon Brown Appalled

Gordon Brown has said he is sorry for the "appalling" way World War II code-breaker Alan Turing was treated for being a queer little faggot.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Samantha Cameron asks Sarah Brown: "Got Any Fashion Tips For Me?"

Sarah Brown hands her a Primark bag and tells her to put it over her head. She said it always works for her!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

China Arrests Nine

Nine suspects have been arrested for the recent syringe attacks in Xinjiang, China's official news agency, Xinhua. "Troops arriving have given local police a shot in the arm", says agency.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

"I Can Never Play The Drums Again" Says Phil Collins

Newsflash Phil: You never COULD!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

A Sack of Baking Potatoes Moves Unaided

It was later confirmed that it was only Natalie Cassidy in a lycra outfit.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Victoria Beckham Brings Delight to New York

She gets on a plane out of JFK heading for Kazakhstan!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Guy Ritchie Enjoys 41st Birthday Bash As Only HE Knows How

Ex-Mr Madonna bashes waiter, sets fire to a lot of wax sticks, then picks up knife and thrusts it numerous times into birthday cake. The film is to be released next Friday.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Kidnap Fears For 'Sugababe' Amelle

Drama ended peacefully when kidnappers agreed to accept a packet of Custard Creams and a promise that the tuneless slapper never makes another record.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Another Jackson Tribute

Still another Michael Jackson tribute moved to London in June of 2020, or Paris in 2021.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Flintshire Council Canteen Workers Bring Legal Proceedings Against Pudding

"We told it that if it continued to be a dick, we'd suet!"

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

I Did That? Me?

New York City Wino accidentally discovers swine-resistant cure for Drug-Flu!

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Greenland Mystery

Greenland's melt mystery unfolds, at glacial pace. "Could it be because our land was once green?" asks Smartass 5th Grader.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

GM Offers Money-Back

General Motors to offer money-back guarantee, but don't ask for that trade-in back!

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Let's Talk Some More

Latest Report: Iran say they are now ready for more 'comprehensive' stalls.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Dems? Republicans Respond!

Democrats answer Obama's call for action on health care. Republicans answer call for more tee-shirts with "You Lie!" and Obama's Pic on front.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Huricane Weakening

Hurricane Fred expected to weaken in Atlantic, name changed to Dead Fred.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Yes, Your Liarship

Democrats answer Obama's call for action on health care, to bow three times as they approach him.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Pakistan Arrests Spokesman For Taliban

Pakistani forces arrest Taliban spokesman after arrested woman beaten in Twat...in Swat.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Sharing a Bed Can Be Bad for Your Health

Scientists reveal that sharing a bed can be bad for your health - especially if you sleep in the bottom section of a bunkbed without wearing a hard hat!

written by IN SEINE, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Don't Drink & Drive, Study

A drink or two or three at dinner raises car crash risks, according to ten-year study, by ten now recovering alcoholics.
(Two died in car crashes).

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Swine Flu Shots

Health Authorities: You may only need to take one shot for Swine Flu. No use going "whole hog" and taking two.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Somebody Else Needs Help

Which High School Students Are Most Likely to Graduate From College? Experts say, "Those that graduate from high school!"

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Male Porn Stars To Be Punished For Delaying Orgasms

In future, say 'Max Head Productions', this kind of behaviour will result in their limousine getting clamped.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

New Internet Craze Sparks Jihad

Latest internet craze causes holy war, as men walk up to Muslim women wearing full burqa and tell them they have the sexiest eyes they have ever seen.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Farmer Angry As Fox Gets Into Livestock Pen

"It get's my f**king goat," he said.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Clairvoyant 'Mystic Meg' In Sex Drama

"I didn't see it coming", said Meg.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Self-flagellating Catholic Priest Goes Off The Rails

He decides to give God a rest and go on the lash.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Mickey Rourke Eats A Rose

But the Madam of the brothel says Ingrid, Jade and Charlene are still available, and willing to accept clitoral stimulation for £30.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Ant and Dec Barred From Jonathon Ross Show

"It's fwustwa'in bu' nobody knows nuffin wot they twayin to say," says Woss

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

9/11 Remembered

Now all we need are the rest of the lottery numbers for Saturday.

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Derren Brown In Lottery Numbers Agony

Illusionist gets all the numbers correct, but the t**t forgot to buy a f**king lottery ticket!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

'Spoof' Top-Heavy With Stories About Breast Appreciation Day

How many more can be squeezed out?

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

"No Sex For England During World Cup" says Fabio Capello

Which is no problem, as most England 'fans' will be too pissed to fart, next June, let alone shag!

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Al Qaeda Deny Plot To Blow Up Jordan's Tits

"Even WE couldn't blow those f**kers up any bigger," said AQ spokesman Wasim Wanger

written by Mark Mywords, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Old Timer Arrested

Police in Toronto, Canada have arrested one Howard Duke for wandering into the women's bathroom in the mall after removing his fake mustaches and beard. He had claimed he had "Old Timer's Disease".

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
Rating:

Forgot To Block Wheels?

A Cleveland bird fancier has fallen 18 stories to his death after apparently standing on a wheelchair to reach bird feeder. Police say no fowl play was involved.

written by Bureau, 11 September 2009
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