There were 1,711 spoof news snippets published in September 2009. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Libyan Leader Denies Shenaigans and back-door diplomacy

Colonel Gadaffi, Libyan leader said today "We have never agreed to take money from Britain for oil" as he urinated on a big pile of £10 notes and took a shit on a £50.

written by Ulver, 05 September 2009
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Derren Brown and David Blaine to attempt World's greatest Feat !

Blaine and Brown, self-professed greatest illusionists on earth are to attempt their most incredible feat, convincing the world that they aren't useless C**ts !

written by Ulver, 12 September 2009
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Athlete & Pop Star's Angry Cock Allegation Rebuttal

South African Runner Castor Semenya and Rock Legend Lady GaGa have fought back against allegations that they are men, stating "It's a Load of Balls"

written by Ulver, 11 September 2009
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Monkey's refute regulation allegation

Monkeys today rebelled against rumours that they could become staff at the struggling FSA,a spokesman for Monkeys at London Zoo said "We wouldn't be seen dead working for that shower of shit!"

written by Ulver, 28 September 2009
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George Lucas and Spielberg piss on another cherished franchise !

After the "success" of the Star Wars prequels & Indiana Jones IV, Spielberg and Lucas have announced their plans to revamp the 10 Commandments casting Papa Smurf as God and Captain Birdseye as Moses

written by Ulver, 26 September 2009
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Evil Bastard Peer in Second Home Scandal

Dark Lord Peter Mandelson has hit back at allegations of expenses fraud "a coffin is a legitimate second dwelling when I'm not hanging upside down in the Westminster Crypt" he hissed earlier today.

written by Ulver, 29 September 2009
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Mandelson / Antichrist linked ?

Peter Mandelson has today rebutted claims by his Barber that the numbers 666 found on his scalp are the number of the beast, "It's a reminder of my ATM PIN number" stated the evil fucker today.

written by Ulver, 29 September 2009
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Grouchy Barmaid Flummoxed

Punter asked for a pint of beer with a slice of lemon. Claimed that the lemon was the only thing behind the bar with a peel.

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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Muhammad Ali's First Irish Connection...

...was a right hook to the jaw of Jerry Quarry.

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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SF Man Quits Sex Industry Cleaning Job

"If they'd given us rubber gloves it might have been a different story" he remarks.

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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Lost Found Then Lost Again

Man lost Lost DVD then found it again before it got lost. Lost still not found. Remains Lost.

written by Skoob1999, 01 September 2009
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Conditions In Iraq Described as "Appalling"

63 Hackney families apply for council exchanges.

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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MacKenzie Phillips To Star In New Comedy

MacKenzie will star in an updated version of the TV series that made her famous in the '70's. The new show is to be called 'One Dad At A Time.'

written by Hydrogen Balloon, 26 September 2009
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Humans are Urged to Colonise Mars

It is thought that if humans colonised Mars, it would make this world a better place. Once Mars has been screwed-up, where next? The sun? Nope too many will moan about 'Global Warming'.

written by IN SEINE, 10 September 2009
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Portsmouth FC To Get New Stadium

It will be an exact replica of the old one. In the same place. In the traditional style.

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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Fire Brigade union to give up helping firemen

The Fire Brigade Workers Union has decided to stop helping its members as it has found that meddling in international affairs is much more enjoyable.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Jock McCockrot Changes Name By Deed Poll

To Jack McCockrot.

written by Skoob1999, 01 September 2009
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Tortoise Crosses M25 Safely!

A tortoise has crossed all 5 lanes of the M25 and survived. He was caught on CCTV moving considerably faster than any other vehicles on the motorway. Police are considering charging him for speeding.

written by IN SEINE, 19 September 2009
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Venetian Blinds A Myth

Stats show less blind people reside in Venice than majority of European Cities.

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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Sharing a Bed Can Be Bad for Your Health

Scientists reveal that sharing a bed can be bad for your health - especially if you sleep in the bottom section of a bunkbed without wearing a hard hat!

written by IN SEINE, 11 September 2009
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Floyd Dead?

The world mourns at the death Keith Floyd, celebrity chef who died today at the age of 65. Meanwhile, the rock group Pink Floyd are still going strong - even without Roger Waters & Richard Wright.

written by IN SEINE, 15 September 2009
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It's all Pie in the Sky!

Sadly, celebrity chef Keith Floyd has died. It is predicted that there will be "Pie in the Sky " followed by brief showers of red wine.

written by IN SEINE, 15 September 2009
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Superstar Turned Down For Job

Soul singing legend Stevie Wonder revealed that he was once turned down for a job...as a chauffeur...

written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
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Robotics Scientists Hard at Work!

Having developed a prosthetic hand that includes the sense of feeling called the 'SMARTHAND', robotics engineers are very excited about their next project the 'SMARTASS'!

written by IN SEINE, 09 September 2009
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A Welsh Canteen Is Far Too Offensive!,

A canteen in Wales has changed the name of 'Spotted Dick' to 'Spotted Richard' in case it offends anyone only to find there are 3 employees there, all called Richard. Worse still, all 3 have acne.

written by IN SEINE, 09 September 2009
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No Power Cuts for the UK

"There will be NO Power cuts in the next decade", so says Energy secretary Ed Milliband. In politicalspeak, this means that there WILL be Power cuts on the proviso that there will be any power to cut.

written by IN SEINE, 13 September 2009
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Small boy finds whole potato in bag of Crisps

A small boy was surprised to find a whole potato in a packet of crisps. He was lucky because crisps no longer have any potato in them. Manufacturers have known this for years!

written by IN SEINE, 09 September 2009
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Fred the Shrek to sue former bank manager

It was announced in fairyland today that Fred the Shrek is suing Fred the Shred for bringing his name into disrepute.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Same sex partnership

Young boy from a same sex partnership questioning what a lesbian is, is told to "ask your father, she'll know"

written by Steddyeddy, 22 September 2009
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Rio Ferdinand splashes out

£30m Manchester United footballer, Rio Ferdinand, showed his generosity this weekend by giving his family a £400 holiday break at Prestatyn. "This credit-crunch is really biting!" he said. Allegedly.

written by IN SEINE, 10 September 2009
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Can You See What It Isn't yet?

Hackney Council have decided to improve the work of graffiti artist Banksey by painting over one of his murals. The artwork which featured the Royal family was destroyed. The Queen was not amused.

written by IN SEINE, 05 September 2009
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Brown shows how to control a Nation

TV illusionist, Derren Brown is to screen a show on September 18th called 'How to Control a Nation'. Meanwhile, a distant relative, Gordon Brown has spent 12 months showing us 'How to Ruin a Nation'.

written by IN SEINE, 10 September 2009
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Famous journalist retires

A famous journalist from the Guardian Newspaper has today retired from journalism and gone to write for the Sun.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Kanye dig it bro?

Thought not. Most people opine that middle class people should stop trying to be down with the homies, and just grow up.

Source: National Office Of Lies.

written by Skoob1999, 16 September 2009
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Derren Brown - Failed Illsionist

Although TV illusionist Derren Brown correctly predicted the winning national lottery numbers, he did NOT predict the bonus ball. "He's second rate!" claim Camelot.

written by IN SEINE, 10 September 2009
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Councillor cleared

A Liberal Democrat has been cleared of insulting a Conservative colleague by calling her a witch. However, he was found guilty of calling her a bitch! The woman has a black cat & a husband called Ron.

written by IN SEINE, 26 September 2009
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Comic found in Blackpool!

A 'real' comedian was found in Blackpool last night. Camp funnyman Alan Carr 'turned on' the lights. "Hey look, these bulbs have taken a shine to me - they must find me a real turn-on!" he said.

written by IN SEINE, 05 September 2009
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Petrol price drops by over 40p a litre.

Great news for drivers as the price of petrol plummeted today.........in Saudi Arabia.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Elvis Impersonators Record Not Broken

A world record for Elvis impersonators failed yesterday when only 29 people turned up. However, the real Elvis came to The Ship Inn, Par, Cornwall. He was not impressed by their impressions.

written by norma snockers, 01 September 2009
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David Beckham finally achieves orgasm

David Beckham achieved orgasm today after 20 years, the incident occurred when he he stroked his bell-end and not a cycle helmet. Posh Beckham is using the issue for grout in her new Salmon Hatchery.

written by Mann Gland, 05 September 2009
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Spoof Granny fights back !

Ulver spoof-writer and guerilla Granny said today "Fuck 'em" when asked if she was bothered by recent threats from the FSA to cut off her tits and fine her for being cheeky.

written by Mann Gland, 05 September 2009
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Scottish Crime at Lowest in 30 Years

Recorded crime in Scotland is at its lowest in 30 years - this is allegedly because the disk containing the records became so full that it got corrupted and police were unable to recover the data.

written by IN SEINE, 29 September 2009
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Eating Late at Night Can Cause Weight Gain

Rocket scientists claim that late night eating cause weight gain. However, it can help in weight loss as one woman who visited her fridge nightly, got so fat, that she could no longer open the door.

written by norma snockers, 04 September 2009
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Labour Come up with Election Winning Idea -- Pure Rocket Science!

Labour have promised free parking for hospital inpatients if they win the next election. Before leaving office, Gordon Brown intends closing thousands of hospitals. I knew there was a catch somewhere!

written by IN SEINE, 30 September 2009
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Cottage for Sale Advert Neglects to Mention Nuclear Neighbour

A cottage next to Dungeness nuclear power station is on the market for £245,000. It needs no electric lights because it allegedly glows in the dark.

written by IN SEINE, 30 September 2009
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Police Pledge Strenuous Torture Probe

Police have pledged to properly investigate MI6 torture allegations, "We intend to handle this with the same rigour we applied to the Cash for Peerages scandal" said a spokesman for the filth today.

written by Mann Gland, 12 September 2009
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New electric eco-car fails government test

The new eco-car from British carmaker Reliant failed in tests today when the weight of the electric cable drum broke the car's suspension.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Sugababes Line Up Backstabbing Implied

But nobody really gives a damn anyway.

written by Skoob1999, 24 September 2009
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Competition to name the latest neck wear fashion reaches stalemate.

Organisers declared it a tie.

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Lance Armstrong busts bike on environment charity ride.

Organisers insist he must re-cycle it.

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Germany goes to the polls.

Dyslexic Poles distraught.

written by Fergus McCarthy, 28 September 2009
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Ted Kennedy Shows Remorse About Chappaquiddick in New Book

"I really loved that car."

written by Jalapenoman, 04 September 2009
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Police investigate following murder at a wig factory

"We'll be combing the area for clues," commented PC Plod, head of the investigation.

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Potato princess' wedding plans quashed by father

Said the King of the Potato People: "I'm not having my child marry Gary Linekar - a lowly common tater!"

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Rats!

The president's new regulatory Czar thinks rats should have the right to an attorney, to sue humans. This loon is being sued by Charlie Brown over a copy right infringement for using the word "Rats."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
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Ironmonger makes world's largest spoon

"It's causing quite a stir," said factory owner, Ian Ronballs.

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Health Care Reform Drug Testing

A proposed amendment to the Senate Health Care Reform bill mandates that all new drugs and medicines, approved by the FDA, first be tested on the 535 members of Congress and their aides.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 September 2009
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New health hazard discovered in connection with coal

Former UK miner's leader Arthur Scargill was today officially deemed as a health hazard and will now have to carry a health warning.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Large thighs may protect heart

New research suggests that fat thighs can be used in an emergency to stop a speeding bullet.

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Soap Operas "Too Clean"

Cancellation of "Guiding Light" after 72 year run highlights continued decline of soap operas, now far too tame for American viewers hooked on extreme dysfunction and scandal of reality TV shows.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2009
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Billion Squirrel March

Billions and billions of nonpartisan red and grey squirrels will be descending on Washington DC in October to stage a protest. The rodents are upset over ACORN giving their favorite nut a bad name.


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
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Santa Got Run Over By Diabetes

Santa will find it slightly easier to squeeze down chimneys this year. After centuries of eggnog and cookies, Santa will have his left leg amputated this fall due to Type II diabetes.

written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 10 September 2009
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Signals Being Overwhelmed by Noise

Computer Engineers are stumped! High speed fiber optic cabling carrying Internet traffic to San Francisco seems operational, but the information content seems to be lost in the local background noise.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 September 2009
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The end is nigh! Asteroid To Hit Earth Tomorrow & Wipe Out All Life

So, you'd best get pisst tonight & end up shagging some stranger up against a wall in the dark alley behind the pub!

written by Clifford Rutley, 05 September 2009
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Save the Planet

A new book advises that by not having children we can save mother Earth. Save mother Earth for whom?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 September 2009
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Lets Hear it for Capitalism

New Michael Moore film says "capitalism is evil." He reiterated this pronouncement boarding his private Jet taking the film's profits to the Cayman Islands, where he has three houses and two yachts.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 September 2009
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Obama announces Cash for Clunkers follow up program

With "Cash for Spunkers", bring your masturbating sons, husbands, boyfriends, and grandfathers and trade them in to receive $4500.

written by Jalapenoman, 07 September 2009
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"I Was Raped By A Celebrity" - says Jordan

"But I didn't realise it was rape until the cheque bounced".

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 September 2009
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Defined

Iranian protesters view President Ahmadinejad as a pretender, after his fraudulent election. President Obama views Ahmadinejad as a negotiator and Russian Prime Minister Putin uses him as a pawn.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 September 2009
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Thank the Iranian Ladies

US Iran foreign policy is working. Large groups of Iranian young women raised on satellite TV/Internet reject Islamic dress for tight jeans, low-cut tops and strapless dresses. Mullahs going spastic!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 September 2009
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UK government bans weather

The weather has been banned from the UK as the government can't slap a tax on it.

written by Steddyeddy, 21 September 2009
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Activist Mentality

Activist groups with any cause and a computer can get government funding. A group called "Clean Up Horse Poop in the Streets" is loudly asking Congress for funding. They will probably get some!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 26 September 2009
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Researchers give up

A recent study by researchers at Harvard University found a statistically significant correlation between publishing the results of their hard work and no one giving a damn.

written by BCShow, 17 September 2009
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Stephen Hawking Applies to be Writer for The Spoof -- Is Rejected

Hawking, the renown scientist, failed the application's math section by selecting "6" as the answer to "What's 2 multiplied by 2?", thereby proving that he is not a real person but an automated robot.

written by Paris Silton, 09 September 2009
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BBC News 24 to be renamed strictly come dancing

Presenter Bill Turnbull said "At least half of all our stories are about Strictly, so we felt we might as well change the name of our channel. We will now be rebranded as BBC News about Strictly 24/7"

written by I think I'm funny..., 27 September 2009
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Rich Frog Prince Snuffs It

"I knew it wouldn't be long before he croaked," said his new Danish wife, Ms Elaine Goldigga (36-26-36).

written by Mark, 04 September 2009
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Pigs Fly in France

In wake of swine flu, teachers in France implore children to forego traditional cheek-to-cheek kiss (known as "la bise") used as greeting. What's next? No more wine in school cafeterias?

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 September 2009
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A Call for Reinforcements

Jay Leno ditched desk for new show, opting for "conversation area" with two light-duty chairs. One of them to be beefed up and bolted down for Tom Cruise's special guest appearance Tuesday.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 September 2009
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Japan's Prime Minister Spurns Globalization

Japanese PM is anti US-led globalization! OK America, do your part, no more buying Japanese cars, electronics, cameras or cell phones. Let's take our business across the street to Korea!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 September 2009
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Sarkozy declares "ethnic cleansing" unavoidable in Calais, IT STINKS!

Pres. Sarkozy has told all illegal Untermenschen in Calais slum, the Jungle, they are "MERDE" and promised to clear them out, Poland have promised to adopt them, Auschwitz has opened it's doors!

written by Jaggedone, 17 September 2009
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Aussie copies Austrian "Slyly" and "Keeps it in the family"

Aussies and Austrians are clearly related when it come's to bringing up their daughters, they both follow the lyrics of that classic Sly and the Family Stone hit, "It's a family affair!"

written by Jaggedone, 17 September 2009
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Anyone Ever Hear of a Laundry List?

Senator Dole has suggested that President Obama push a heath care reform bill he wants. President Bush had sent Speaker Pelosi a 6 page outline of what he wanted to see in a bill, she had a hissy fit.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2009
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Bigfoot Identified - Shit Found In Washington State

Scientists followed an Andrex trail from a giant toilet in the NW woods. A young Bigfoot was found wound in tissue, suffocated at the end of the roll. "He may have been playing" says Dr Bob Hope, UCLA

written by Blazing Saddle, 21 September 2009
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Extremist Politics Explained

Extreme right and left wing Republicans and Democrats, respectively, are like servo mechanisms that are hard up against their mechanical stops. No useful work is ever performed!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 September 2009
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The Greening of America

A condom maker announced that their product has gone green, using less plastic in manufacturing. Male employees called in sick to their employers and phoned doctors complaining of a green complexion.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 September 2009
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Putin On The Blitz

Putin blames Britain for Russia's invasion of Poland on the 70th anniversary of WWII. Hitler, Stalin were victims.

written by Bureau, 01 September 2009
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Point of View

Liberal political pundits on TV think free speech means only their opinions count. But, these liberal pundits keep getting FOXed!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 September 2009
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Where's My Coffee

The Wall Street Journal reports, Starbucks to open 4000 new stores. Blessed are the coffee makers, as they have gone forth and multiplied!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 September 2009
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The Brady Bunch is now 40 years old

Cindy wants to know if she can stop wearing her hair in curls now.

written by Jalapenoman, 27 September 2009
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Dancing with the Health Care Stars

The dance team of Gibbs and Axelrod performed their latest two step, the Health Care Reform Public Option Waffle on Sunday's talk shows. The president will get out his dancing shoes later this week.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 September 2009
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Don't Ya'll Believe It!

Eastern Kentucky teenager in smashed up Chevy says that painting tunnels on mountainside doesn't work in real life.

written by Bureau, 02 September 2009
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United Nations Custodial Staff Complaints

After Muammar Al-Khadafi spoke at the UN, the custodial crew had to clean up the poop on the dais. They asked "why couldn't it all wait until after Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's speeches?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 September 2009
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They're Already Organized

Organized crime in Chicago say they are already planning on helping Barack Obama win the presidency again in 2012. Did I say organized crime? I meant organized labor of course.

written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
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Spoof writer NickFun claims that snippets do not offer enough space

Spoof writer NickFun insisted today that the Spoof's snippet section is too small. "I want more snippet space!" Fun declared. Spoof editor Mark Lowton said "Tell Fun to go fuc

written by NickFun, 03 September 2009
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OOPs

Terrorist inadvertently detonates two bombs hidden in his jock strap, on the way to a checkpoint. Iraqi police say he had big brass ones, but not for long!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 September 2009
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Welcome to the Big Apple

Muammar Al-Khadafi, Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finally find lodgings at the Bronx Zoo, which had three empty cages.


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 September 2009
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Obama a brown racist, it's possible!

Ex Pres and "Lord of the Peanuts" Jimmy Carter has told the world Obama is a brown racist, Obama admitted this fact and told all blacks and whites "to sniff his very brown butt!!"

written by Jaggedone, 16 September 2009
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Government Spending

Left wing liberal loons imply government run DoD spends too much money. Yet these same loons are calling for big government run health care, which will make Pentagon spending look like chump change!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 September 2009
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Iranian Kabuki Dance

The Iranians must be related to the Japanese! Look at the Kabuki Dance the Iranians are putting on for President Obama over their building a nuclear bomb.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 September 2009
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Topless Iranian Women

The Iranian Mullahs will now allow Iranian women to go topless, provided they wear a Burka!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 September 2009
« Aug 2009 September 2009 Oct 2009 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
49
2nd
63
3rd
64
4th
56
5th
51
6th
42
7th
54
8th
38
9th
46
10th
70
11th
68
12th
81
13th
42
14th
63
15th
78
16th
57
17th
67
18th
56
19th
56
20th
44
21st
79
22nd
47
23rd
57
24th
54
25th
36
26th
82
27th
42
28th
51
29th
54
30th
64
 

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