Order by:
Rating:

Air Mariah

Mariah Carey's breast implants are now so huge and lofty that she no longer needs her own jet. She simply goes outside, removes her lead bra and floats off to her destination.

written by Geneva Slim, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Oprah Eats Gail King

After her chef called in sick, Oprah Winfrey today ate gal-pal Gail King. We extend our condolences to Ms. King's family, and have sent Oprah 6000 Tums.

written by Geneva Slim, 26 October 2009
Rating:

The Chicago Bears Suck and Chicago With Them

The NFL today announced that the Chicago Bears officially suck. Between this, Sears Tower changing its name to Willis Tower and losing the Olympics to Rio, living there now is 100% embarrassing.


written by Geneva Slim, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Tom Cruise Cruise Sets Sail on Disney

Tom Cruise today announced the Cruise Cruise on Disney's Big Red Boat. Cruise will actually be aboard and likely spend his time cruising your son, should you be so foolish as to bring him along.

written by Geneva Slim, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Paris Hilton Not a Cheese Whiz

Paris Hilton last night fell into a huge vat of burning fondue cheese at Cafe L'imbicile in Hollywood. Now that's hot.

written by Geneva Slim, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Marvin Gaye Wasn't

In an announcement that surprised no one, Motown today announced that Marvin Gaye was not, actually, gay. He was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very heterosexual.

written by Geneva Slim, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Licence Payers Forced to Pay BBC Fines

If the BBC are fined by the NHS for trespassing on one of their derelict hospitals in Colchester, then paying the fine will be no problem because there will always be reliable licence payers.

written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Concerns expressed about Jennifer Aniston's Pacifier

"Look, I will get a man in my good time", said Jennifer Aniston while holding a ten pound lump hammer.

written by Tcoah, 26 October 2009
Rating:

It's an Irish Mans world, Hurling, especially if your GAY!

A last Irish bastion of real mega-manliness has been sacrificed to another GAY infiltration, Irish super hero and womens fancy, Donal Og Cusack, is a HOMO, and he doesn'a wear a kilt playing either!

written by Jaggedone, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Liverpool TORRE-S- MENT Utd, fucking Spics!

Utd were TORRES-MENTED yesterday and Rio blew it, Spanish Armada against Rio de Wankero, Spic Scousers rule over Multi-Culti Mancunians for five minutes, he who laughs last!

written by Jaggedone, 26 October 2009
Rating:

US thought Baghdad was safe, ask Baghdadians the same question!

No bent elections or corrupt presidents, no just back to the office as usual and get your head blown off, daily downtown Baghdad is back to normal!

written by Jaggedone, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Spectacular Rescue of Duck from Lancashire Canal

A mallard duck which was wearing black rimmed spectacles around its neck had to be rescued from a Lancashire canal. These spectacles were suspected to be owned by Chris Evans.

written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2009
Rating:

South Wales Police to Use Bikers in Bonfire Patrol

Having 'done' all the motorists in South Wales at least once, bored motorcycle police officers can enjoy destroying potential 'risky bonfires'. At least that will give the motorists 2 weeks respite.

written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Avon Lady Suspected of Overcharging

An Avon lady has been suspected of overcharging her customers after claiming that she has sold over £7 million worth of goods.

written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Odd Laws

In Minnesota it is Illegal to operate a motorized recliner on a public right of way, while intoxicated.

written by Adam Click, 26 October 2009
Rating:

American Quilting Society saved the day!

Scientists announced that the galaxy destroying tear in the space/time fabric that they discovered last month has been sewn shut by the good women of the AQS. Thanks, Ladies! America is proud!

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Man yearns for good old days, when we had cool enemies

The Soviets had some class, they were subtle and sophisticated, and were an enemy worth fighting, says your Grandpa. The Muslims are crude and filthy, and aren't a credible threat.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Burger King says, "F*ck them Japs"

In their continued effort to avenge those who died at Pearl Harbor, Burger King announced their seven patty Whopper in Tokyo yesterday. The status conscious Nips are expected to eat this in droves.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Your neighbor has plans for your wife

Reader, your neighbor - you know, the "quiet one" - has fixated on your wife. When she turns up missing in the next month or so, know that she is in his basement being tortured.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Man gets over on video store

Recently a man returned several movies to the video store late. He had $3.50 worth of late fines, but by telling them the lie that he had had to take his mom to the hospital, got out of paying them.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Dante was not even supposed to be here today

Dante, stalwart employee of Quick E Mart, was not actually supposed to be working today. His boss tricked him into it by pretending that he would be in later. Jay and Silent Bob kept him company.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Your boss may have lied

When your boss called you in to work today and said that this write up was a formality, and that you were still a valued member of the team...he was actually lying, and you are on your way out.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

Candidate addresses crowd

Political candidate running for office addressed the crowd last night. He said, "If elected I promise to increase funding for needed programs, decrease taxes and balance the budget." No one laughed.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
Rating:

High school nerd forbears for another year

He who you all used to tease unmercifully, snap his ass with towels during gym, and beat occasionally, has decided to hold off another year in his plans for killing you all. It will happen, though.

written by Alexandria177, 26 October 2009
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