Order by:
Rating:

Octo Potter

Harry Potter author J. K Rowling has finally caved in to pressure from fans and is set to write an eighth novel about the Hogwarts wizard. It is to be titled Harry Potter and the Mountain Of Cash.

written by Martin Gooseflesh, 22 November 2009
Rating:

No Runner-Up At Present

President Obama named person Time Magazine Person of the 22nd Century a bit early.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

It's A Draw

Texas still lead the nation in the number of executions, although California, Florida have more on death row. However, Texas #2 To Florida in Football ratings.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Holiday Driving Rough

Police say they will especially look for drunk drivers texting while on the phone this Holiday season.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Mostly Limericks

Wino who scribbles note, puts in bottles and throws into ocean says none of over 2,000 reported found as yet.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Osama Bin Spotting Causes

Military Intelligence: We still do not know where Osama Bin Laden is hiding. One new report of tall slim looking Hitler in Brazil, sporting funny mustache, turban crates fuhrer.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

No Big Breakthroughs

Scientists predict few major medical breakthrough in 2010, due to all their funding running out. Maybe warts!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

"The Rape Of The McDonald's Virgins"

The United States is number one once again in fat. Credit all it's fine restaurants, models in new masterpieces of art with fat people.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

"It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere"

Warren Buffett puts out his first musical recording, "It's Time To Make Money, Somewhere". Sued By Jimmy Buffet.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Romanian election begins, Afghanistan offers some corrupt advice!

Rumania starts its election and Afghanistan offer them advice about how to make sure it stays corrupt. The Rumanians thanked them graciously but denied ever being non-corrupt!

written by Jaggedone, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Bully For Him!

At a 110, America's oldest citizen William Grange told NBC News Sunday that he is now so old that he had named his first stuffed bear, Theodore.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

McCain, Fonda May Return To Hanoi

John McCain says that he and Jane Fonda may tour Hanoi together in the spring to remember old times, call each other names, get drunk.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Egypt declares war on Algeria and the game wasn't even corrupt!

Egypt has declared war on Arabian neighbour Algeria, Pres. Mubarek explained, "those sons of Baboons will pay dearly for their insults" FIFA has asked English Hooligans to sort them all out!

written by Jaggedone, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Hillary Once Considered Torture.

Hillary Clinton admits that she once thought that some forms of torture are acceptable. "But I've since forgiven Monica and know who was the responsible person involved."

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Finally Cleared Up

After several months of examination and reading old papers, the ball and chain that may have condemned a 17th century prisoner to a watery grave in the Thames shows that, yes, this was his wife.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

"Me & Betsy Getting Rich!"

Old prospector and mule back from Mexico again where he claims he's discovered a hidden motherload. However, after finally checking, it's a motherload of cocaine in his ass.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Ted Kennedy Remembered

Senator Ted Kennedy remembered fondly in Ireland. Also, in Kentucky, where bourbon production has dropped 10%.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

They've All Finally Gone

Birmingham couple say they have the house all to themselves after last son goes off to college. First night celebration on kitchen table!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Might World On Canadian Border

US guards at Mexican border say that issued pepper spray not working at border as border crossers merely swallow it down, spew it back.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Taco Bell Removes Outdoor Lighting

Food researches at Beano have announced yesterday that they have invented the sound-proof bean everyone has been sounding off after. Only one side effect: Your ass lights up like a firefly.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Obama, GOP Disagree

Obama once again calls Ted Kennedy the greatest senator of our time. Republics reply, "We can only think of one worse!"

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Heavenly Ribbing Continues

David Carradine, still spoofing Michael Jackson, asks him to do a cloud dance. Jackson returns request by asking for a rope trick.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Cockroaches Determined To Survive!

Cockroaches plans to outnumber humans after nuclear destruction told today that they'll starve to death after losing heads from heat blast. Many planning to breed really fast once she blows!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Doctor Hire Attractive Secretary

Married GP 'had sex with patient while unsuspecting husband sat in next door waiting room, eyeballing secretary'.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Shrinkage About

Millions face shrinking Social Security payments managed by the same people who want to take over everything else. "It'll be our balls next", says critic.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

"You Don't Want To Know!"

President Obama called by Texas car dealer "An Outside of the US born Muslim." But less critical than Michelle's mother.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

See You At January Sales Time

Economists say that holidays are arriving long before most American's checks.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Lawn Wars Injuries Increasing

Using a ride-on mower to cut the grass might save energy but they land thousands of people in hospital every year, over wives bashing to get their husbands out mowing.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Happy For Awhile

Large Hadron Collider progress delights researchers until being pulled into black hole.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Oil Ship Polluters

Only 16 oil tankers create as much pollution as all the cars in the world! Al Gore suggests delivery by plane.


written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Bear Attack

Man seriously injured in bear attack after climbing into zoo enclosure. "He kept yelling for us to forget him and rescue little Goldilocks", says rescuer.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Pregnant Servicewomen Sent Home

Ten pregnant servicewomen sent home from Afghanistan war as new "Knocked Up" law comes into place.


written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Just Like Him!

ITV newsreader sues for £5m over mimicking of Sir Trevor McDonald, says mimes, clowns are next!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Shame On Remembrance Day

Brown and Cameron apologise for Poppy Day stunts: Abbey's fury at BOTH leaders over Remembrance Day photo-shoots. "Should have remembered those old farts instead of campaigning",say both patriots.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Glove Sale Well Handled

Jackson moonwalk glove sells for $350K in NYC, old nose for only $1,000.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Abusive Priests Not Choicy About Victims

Report: Homosexuality no factor in abusive priests. "Choir girls would have gotten the same treatment."

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Funeral Directors The Next Billionaires?

GOP: Health test recommendations could affect care as old farts become the last on hospital lists to get treatment. However, funeral homes for the new health care.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Should Be Interesting Test

Restored machine to explore mysteries of Big Bang, a theory that the human race multiplied greatly after banging their mates for day after day between pregnancies.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Americans To Travel

More Americans expected to travel for Thanksgiving, mostly from couch to refrigerator.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Global Warming In Denmark

Denmark: 65 world leaders for UN climate summit on global warming say they are freezing their asses off, want thermostat raised.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Iran 's Secret War Games

Iran begins secret war games to protect nuclear sites in the daytime as their glowing bodies easily seen at night.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Ford Hood Killer Taken Care Of

Fort Hood suspect ordered held until court-martial with complete hospital care until execution.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Darwin Wrote Other Books Apparenty

Rare Charles Darwin book found on toilet bookshelf. Experts say that they didn't even realize the Darwin knew anything about toilet bookshelves.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Same Ole, Same Ole!

Israeli aircraft strike Gaza targets after rockets fired into Israel. This is #5,323 of this same event.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Looks Healthy To Me!

Smiling on in bikini at the beach on Facebook costs Canadian her insurance, brings marriage proposals.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Really High Over Child's Birth

Astronaut's wait over as daughter born back home. "The whole event has me up in the air! I tell you, I'm over the moon with this new daughter!"

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Big Bill Stack Passes

Historic health care bill clears Senate hurdle, big as a ten foot stack of $100 bills offered for passage.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Drooping Boobs Tax Back!

Drooping Tax is back. Those having boob enhancement surgery will be charged 5% more.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

One Here Too, Already

Suspicious note and package found at Fort Kick Mohammed's Ass!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Fake Salesman Arrested

Minnesota man who sold fake Viagra arrested after taking a good beating by customers and their wives. Now doing hard time in prison.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Suicide Caller!

The Suicide Murderer still loose in Los Angeles. He calls the suicide hotline and talks them into committing suicide. Police checking Hannibal relatives.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Makes You Snuffle & Shuffle

With all the needles being brandished around, some parts of the US are beginning to call it the Porkypine Flu!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

English Influence On Yanks

US officials from North Dakota loved their visit to Stonehenge in England so well, they have renamed Mount Rushmore, Stoneheads.

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Planet Hollywood Subbing

Planet Hollywood has temporarily replaced replaced the former Planet Pluto, who's now circling the Dog Star!

written by Bureau, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Is there a Recession Comrade?

Students in the Peoples Republic of Berkeley rioted over an increase of 32% in fees. These elite left wing snobs expect California's unemployed taxpayers to still give them a totally free education.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

P Words

Southern Senators delaying the debate of a health care reform bill have no testicular fortitude. They caved to the majority leader's promises of political plumbs. Another P word may be in order.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Some Recession Economics is Crazy

Far left wing progressive economists want to raise taxes and keep government budgets intact; increase health care costs; and tax energy use to develop more energy. Psychiatric help is available!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Tax Avoidance

British evaded Tudor tax collectors by building wider second floors. Dutch evaded tax collectors by building deeper houses. Americans use your imagination to deflect new health care and energy taxes!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Dig it Deeper

US Government bureaucrats are now going to regulate city subway (underground) transit systems. It's a perfect fit, as the government is already, up to their ears, in a financial hole in the ground!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

The Poop Corps

Congress has repealed all state laws requiring dog owners to pick up after their pets and created the Poop Corps. This act will create 40 million new jobs and put people to work immediately.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Nut Case

Rev. J. Jackson racially castigated an African American Congressman for not supporting the House health care bill. Jessie then checked into Bellevue Hospital's Psychiatric Unit, via the public option!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

United Nations Myopia

Israel defends itself against fanatic Islamic extremists. Fanatic Islamic extremists purposely blow themselves up killing innocent women and children. The UN cannot seem to see the difference!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
Rating:

Obama vs. Palin for President

Even match as neither knows anything about foreign or domestic policy, the economy and the military/defense. They are at opposite poles on social issues. How about some real candidates, for a change?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 November 2009
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