The Latest Barbie Doll - "Iraqi Barbie"
To celebrate Barbie's 50th anniversary, Mattel is issuing "Iraqi Barbie." She comes complete with veil, battery powered camel, two ounces of sand, and facial hair.
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Muzak - The Hospital Elevator Sounds
Muzak to merge with St. Hank's Cardio Hospital. Their new slogan will be, "Let us put a song in your heart."
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The Mighty North Korean Naval Armada?
U.S. warships are heading for the China Sea. Chinese warships are heading for the Korean Sea. Korean warships are going in circles saying, "Oh shit! oh shit! we're sunk now."
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Linda Ronstadt & Stevie Nicks - Lady Legends
Linda Ronstadt and Stevie Nicks will be recording an album soon. Nicks wrote the album's title, "Ronstadt & Nicks -Songs From The Cellulite Years."
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A Homeless Man Marries His Own Grandmother
A homeless man in Boston has married his own grandmother. When asked why he would do that he replied, "Well she's rich, she's not bad looking, and I'm tired of living in a 4 by 5 foot cardboard box."
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Is Miley Cyrus Rich or Poor?
Miley Cyrus lashes out at Radiohead because they snubbed her during the Grammy Awards. The band dismissed it by saying Miley is having puberty issues. Miley said poverty had nothing to do with it.
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Charles "The Great Inmate" Barkley's New Book
Ex-con Charles Barkley, who served three days in jail for DUI plans to write a book on his ordeal. The title of the book is, My Days In Hell's Hell Hole - The Charles Barkley Story.
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Man crashes phone whilst driving car...
... has decided to sue Microsoft for their terrible hand-held Operating System.
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The Nation's First Grandma Is One Cleaning Gal
The First Grandma says that the other day while she was straighting up the White House she came across George Bush's secret stash of pretzels, cheetos, and Playboy Magazines.
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The End of The Sexy Sandwich
Caving in to the public's demand, Schlotzsky's will immediately discontinue selling their Peanut Butter and K.Y. Jelly Sandwiches.
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America's Top Three Phrases
Well it is now official. The phrase, "You want fries with that?" has just fallen to third place surpassed by the two phrases "Paper or plastic?" and "Damn, that Wynonna gal's gotten big."
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China Loves The Seven Dwarfs
China is extremely worried that the billions of dollars it lent the U.S. might not be repaid. President Obama says, "Hey, my little friends, don't fret. If we can't pay it, we'll give you Disneyland.
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Rhode Island Ends The Dreaded Sit-Com "Laugh Track"
In an unprecedented move Rhode Island has just outlawed the television networks use of the "Laugh Track." People should not have to be told when and where to laugh, except of course for Bill O'Reilly.
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What Came First The Pot Or The Kettle?
Tina Turner has said that Rihanna should not let her boyfriend physically abuse her. Chris Brown remarks that Turner needs to shut up cause it's kind of like the pot calling the kettle black.
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"I'll Have The Seafood Platter, But Hold The Sardines"
The FDA has just issued a warning stating that if you eat mercury-laden sardines you could very well end up looking exactly like Rush Limbaugh.
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London bobbies pay for midnight streak
Twenty London PCs have been arrested for performing a late night nude run through the district of Westminster. Authorities believe the officers were being "cheeky" and a little too bare-faced.
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Man flies into building
Scientists have discovered that male species of March Flies are very much into building intricate habitats in which to shelter from adversaries such as birds and other prey. Believe or not!!
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G20 talkfest now a cyber fest
Ministers from the G20 group of nations have assembled to discuss ways to tackle the recessionary forces enveloping their respective economies. Tomorrow they will "surf" the internet for cheap porn!!!
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Obama Ready For Next Round
President Obama says that food safety system a health hazard today, tackling his 12th subject two weeks. Tomorrow he will tackle the issue of dogs whizzing on city fire hydrants.
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written by
Bureau, 15 March 2009
G20 Summit Says "Whatever"
Finance officials from rich and developing countries pledged Saturday to do "Whatever" to fix the global economy, including supervision of freewheeling hedge funds and restoring bank lending.
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written by
Bureau, 15 March 2009
Man Who Signed Ringo & Bozo Dead
Alan W. Livingston, the music executive who created Bozo the Clown and signed the Beatles, including Ringo the Clown, during his tenure as president of Capitol Records, has died. He was 91.
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written by
Bureau, 15 March 2009
