Order by:
Rating:

John McCain Is Asked About Sarah Palin

Senator John McCain was recently asked if he missed his old presidential running mate Sarah Palin. McCain smiled and said, "Yeah I miss her. I miss her like I miss a badger in my boxer shorts."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Madonna Using The "N" Word Again!

Fifty-year-old Madonna says she wants to adopt a Nigerian baby. When the Rev. Al Sharpton found out he said "Madonna had better stop using the "N" word when she talks about African babies!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Sad State of The Bailing Wire Business

The Geronimo Bailing Wire Company of Des Moines, Iowa says that they'll need a Federal "Bailout" or they will have to file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Obama Fires Aid

President Barack Obama fires his third turd polisher within the past month.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Bodysnatching Incident

In Davis, CA, a man who used to perform autopsies has been arrested for taking home 157 pounds of human body parts. His bail cost him an arm and a leg.

written by IN SEINE, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Nkorea Missile Could Hit Alaska

Alaskans are concerned over the prospect that North Korea is getting ready to test a long-range missile that could reach their state. "I'll be right here & blast it with my shotgun", says Guv. Palin.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Jim Gone Bankrupt

Man named Jim in Horse Branch, Kentucky going around telling neighbors, "We're bankrupt. I heared in on the ABC TV News. Charley Gibson says Jim is bankrupt."

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

IRA Lead Then Astray

Confused investors continue to try and withdraw thousands from Irish Republican Army that they were tricked into contributing to during the past 30 years.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Near-Death Experience

Huntsville, Alabama man lying on operation table has a near-death experience of hemorrhoids. "I saw my dead Aunt Ethel's hemorrhoids", says Patient. "There was this big tunnel with hemorrhoids."

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Anything Else?

Red Cross demands warmer, fresher eggs for our Guantanamo prisoners. Demand that free range chickens be brought to island. Starbucks built. Water Boards be sterilized.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Mad Max In A Close One

According to exit polls, Mel Gibson looks like a close winner over Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears as Hollywood's 2009 Idiot of the Year.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Baseball Season May Be Over

Little League Baseball season ends early due to violence. Won't reopen until parents quit fighting in stands.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

"Nice Profile There In PJ's!"

Former male model, now 79, spends most of his days looking back at himself in old Sears & Roebucks catalogs.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Suppository Bomber Dead

"The Suppository Bomber" shoots himself after all he could manage was a weak fizzle!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Stupid Kid Rescued

Stupid kid rescued from abandoned refrigerator at dump. "It's a good thing our Night Train wine was in there", say bums.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Pigs Still After Hippy

Old School Hippy claims the pigs are still out to get him, Man. Trying to give him that Swine Flu, "even here at the "No Hassle Castle".

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Minor Earthquake In California

A 4.9 earthquake has hit southern California causing tall buildings to sway, face lifts to quiver and Cher to drag her ass all over town.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Castro Bros Invite Obama

The Castro brothers, Fidel and Raul invite President Barack Osama to Cuba for high level talks, will execute 10,000 dissident in his honor!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Schwarzenegger's Latest Proposal

Schwarzenegger suggests state consider flat tax. Then goes out and flattens everyone who disagrees with him.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Whole Village Yellow!

The Big Bad Wolf's huffing and puffing scatters dandelions all over Storyville, but does he give a hoot? Well..only when grandma gooses him!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Andrew Jackson' Ghost

Ghost of Andrew Jackson at White House keeps asking, "How did you little black girls get in here all night?"

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Homes for GITMO Detainees Found

ACLU and Human Rights Watch executives agreed to take all 250 detainees from GITMO. A detainee will be boarded in a spare bedroom of 250 member family's homes. President Obama can now close GITMO.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Calif Taxes Up Again

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger tells state tax payers to "go out there and win one for the Groper."

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Lions May Be Killers This Year

National Football League Rules Committee demand that Detroit Lions be replaced by Tamil Tigers given sanctuary in the US.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

OctoMom's Record Broken

St. Louis, Missouri woman, originally from Chernobyl tops "Octomom" by giving birth to 27 babies.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Lassie Caused Jeff, Timmy's "Accidents"

This Day In History: 1959, Famous television dog star, Lassie, accidentally breaks Jeff's mirror, has 49 years of bad luck.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Miss. Man Sues Government

500-Pound Mississippi man sues the government after being encouraged to get out and consume more!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Bin Laden Been Had?

Report: Bin Laden may have died from consuming tainted food made in China, purposely dropped by parachute near Afghan cave areas.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Long Lost Tribe of Peru - Lost and Found

The long lost tribe of Peru, the Tantayicki's, which were found on May 31, 2009, have apparently been lost again. Searchers are combing the Andes Mountains with very large hair brushes.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Hulk Hogan vs. Linda Hogan

Hulk Hogan fires back at his ex-wife Linda for calling him Bulk Hogan. He says that he doesn't want to talk about her well-endowed jugs but he adds she is helping to keep the plastic industry afloat.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Obama & Sarkozy - Two Presidential Pals

French President Nicolas Sarkozy says that he really likes President Obama. He said that he understands him. He said with Bush it was, "How y'all doin'? and I would think, how we all doing what?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Limbaugh Confesses

Rush Limbaugh finally reveals he can hear just fine, he simply doesn't want to listen to anybody.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

New Obama Survey

US President Barack Obama claims that private survey of millions of unemployed shows that 88% of them hated their jobs anyway.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Chuck Hagel's Reading

President Obama's Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, spotted carrying "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Finding Osama bin Laden" book from a Barnes & Noble Bookstore.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Obama To China?

Communist China say they hope President Obama is not the same as President Bush, but want to see some DNA evidence first.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Armstrong Back To France?

Friends of Lance Armstrong are telling him to enter the Tour de France again if that's what he wants. "We all love the guy, even though he is a 'nutcase'!"

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

This Is True

According to magazine seen blowing across the street in NYC, Americans are the world's worst at recycling.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

He Was Warned

Despite at least twenty years of stern warnings, stupid rabbit dies after eating Trix Cereal.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Obama Speech Approved

Apparently President Obama's vist to the Arab world was a success as each speech was followed by at least 200-300 bullets fired into the air!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Nice Girls More Likely to Get Good Grades at School, Researchers Say

Researchers say that most girls are more likely to get good grades because they are 'nicer'. Of course, this is only theory as a nice girl is yet to be found!

written by IN SEINE, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Real Reason Madonna Dumped Levi Johnston

Madonna revealed to Anderson Cooper that the real reason that she dumped Alaskan boyfriend Levi Johnston (Gov. Palin's ex-future son-in-law) was because he was just too hockey puckish.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Liz "Insert Foot In Mouth Again" Cheney

Listening to Dick Cheney's daughter Liz speak, one can see a perfect example of the old Italian saying, "Like a da papa, like a da daughter." Liz is just like her dad except with slightly bigger mams.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The American Idol Family

FROM THE WHERE ARE THEY NOW DEPARTMENT: Where are Antonella Barba, Haley Scarnato, and Chikieze?...No one knows.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Madonna vs. Angelina Adoption Race

Angelina Jolie says that she will be traveling to the North Pole to adopt a baby. and Madonna counters by saying that she will be traveling to the South Pole to adopt two babies.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Fidel Castro Spy Syndrome

The North American Spy Agency has issued a report stating that the reason that Cuban spies are so hard to detect in this country is because most of them look like Cuban-Americans.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Robert Di Niro's "Unfan"

Robert Di Niro was accosted by an inebriated fan. He said she asked for his autograph, his shirt, a cheeseburger, and Al Pacino's cell phone number.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Who The Hell Is Sandra Bernhard?

Sandra Bernhard says that Lady GaGa lacks longevity and that she will not be in the spotlight much longer. Sandra Berhard? Wasn't she once Madonna's 'food taster?'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Circus Known as Britney Spears

Ticket sales for Britney Spears' Circus Tour have dropped of considerably. Promoters are considering renaming it The Britney Spears' Carnival Tour.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

The Crazy World of Rock & Roll Politics

Nirvana bass player Krist Novoselic wants to run for county clerk in Wahkiakum County in Washington state. Meanwhile over in England Amy Winehouse says she wants to become the assistant queen.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 June 2009
Rating:

No Ransome Paid

Government right not to pay ransom, says the family of beheaded Briton. "I mean, it's a little late for that, isn't it?"

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Dogs Add Their Voices, Poop

Dogs outside #10 Downing Street refuse to quit howling until Prime Minister Brown steps down..also, needs to watch where he steps.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Brangelina In Seperate Houses

Separate bedrooms? Brad and Angelina are now sleeping in separate houses, but have a nightly "get-together" before sleep.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Body In Wheelie Bin

Woman's body found in wheelie bin. Police suspect the incident is part of the Wheelie Bin Wars over disputed drug territory.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Shanghai Gay Festival

A week-long gay pride festival gets under way in Shanghai this weekend, the first time the city has held an event like it since the days of the Faggot Dynasty.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Scientists Studying Zebrafish

US scientists, working on zebrafish, which have similar genes to humans, found a burst of hydrogen peroxide is released following injury, instead of human habit of pissing pants.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Fidel Still Commenting

Fidel Castro no longer rules Cuba, but regularly comments on world events for hours at a time, that everyone is ordered to listen to or else.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Brown Taking Shots

Lord Mandelson has told Labour MPs to "stop taking shots" at Gordon Brown, but ex-cabinet minister Lord Falconer has called for a leadership debate. "We still have plenty of ammo", says Lord Falconer.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Females Ahead At UK Universities

Female students are ahead of men in almost every measure of UK university achievement, according to a report from higher education researchers. "Of course, things will change at once workplace."

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Somalis Kill Radio Director

Gunmen kill Somali radio director, after being fed up with The Oldies Station. Friend says he only had five records to play.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Peru Army Checkpoints

Peru's army has set up checkpoints and imposed curfews in the jungle state of Amazonas after clashes between police and indigenous protesters. "Most of the natives are restless at night", states one.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Man Arrested After Threats

Man sought for threatening president arrested..without even getting his name into the headlines..even here!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

More Bones Found

Scientists find still more dinosaur bones at Utah quarry. Apparently it was some kind of hang-out.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Escapees Caught In North Dakota

Alabama escaped convicts caught in North Dakota. One was trying to run fellow escapee through wood chipper.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Preventing Depression

Prevent Depression in today's Teens With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, say all the big Whatsamacallits!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Lebanese Vote Today

Lebanon votes in closely-watched election. The Ralph Nader/Jamie Farr ticket not expected to do well.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Obama's Flip-Flops!

Obama's Flip-Flops for the Public Good! Doesn't want to spread rare foot fungus to the whole world.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Appeals To Supreme Court

Supreme Court asked to block Chrysler sale to Fiat, sale of the United States to China.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Turkish shopkeeper told he must speak English to sell alcohol

A Turkish shopkeeper in Brighton, has been banned from selling alcohol until he learns to speak English well enough to ask customers their age. Only one problem; all of his customers are Turkish!

written by IN SEINE, 07 June 2009
Rating:

High Court Judge reveals recent explanations by Teddy Shagnasty as to why he got arrested.

It wasn't me! I was only holding the Dog ! I thought it was Vimto, so I drank it! It wouldn't have been so bad but she bit me with my own teeth!

written by Lightning Conductor, 07 June 2009
Rating:

All Female Apprentice Finalists

The girls who have reached the final in BBC's 'The Apprentice' will be known as the 'SugarBabes'.

written by IN SEINE, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Speeches Drawing Bigger Crowds

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton speeches claim bigger audiences after using new titles, "WMDs, Bring It On!" and "I Did Not Have Sex With Those 27 Women!"

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

D-Day Remembered, Forgotten

Remembered acts of bravery on D-Day remembered yesterday, then forgotten again today.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Taliban Into Europe!

Pakistan army drives the Taliban forces all the way to Europe! Paris falls!

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
Rating:

Iran Election Over

Mahmoud Ahaminejad wins presidential election in Iran. Ralph Nader finishes second.

written by Bureau, 07 June 2009
« May 2009 June 2009 Jul 2009 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
1st
48
2nd
79
3rd
52
4th
56
5th
45
6th
71
7th
74
8th
58
9th
46
10th
70
11th
69
12th
45
13th
57
14th
55
15th
71
16th
58
17th
71
18th
65
19th
63
20th
52
21st
67
22nd
64
23rd
57
24th
77
25th
80
26th
94
27th
71
28th
33
29th
38
30th
82
 

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