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Rating:

French Football Team Wear Braille on Kits for Nigerian Friendly

France's national football team proudly wore their names written in Braille on their kits for a friendly match against Nigeria. This gesture was to help the referee who was allegedly blind.

written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Gay Penguins Rear Adopted Chick

The BBC News reports on their website, that a couple of 'gay penguins' are rearing an adopted baby chick. This is an is an unfortunate turn of phrase - unless of course they are starting young!

written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Mime Gets Justice

Mime in NYC comes to courtroom, for punching out man who walked through his invisible cube, by miming out incident to judge, given 100 years with no parole!

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Planet "Almost" Just Like Earth

The new recently launched space telescope has already found another earth-like planet, only difference is that Pat Sajak is turning the letter and Vanna White is the MC.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Taking The Initiative!

Police arrest young Wall Street employee who was fired late last year and charged him with pushing so-called"Jumpers" out of high rise buildings.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Chinese Purchase Hummers

Government Motors say they have sold the Hummer to a Chinese company who will make them mostly for pimps. Also, their names will be changed to the Hum-Dingers!"

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

PMS Terrorist Group

The PMS Put-My-Foot-Up-Your-Ass, a previously unknown terrorist group, announced yesterday that they are disbanding, but stilled pissed!

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Do It Now!

Pharmacists and physicians are asking clients to check their legal drugs with new free list of illegal drugs to make sure you don't mix the wrong ones. For a free list, drop by the Sheriff's office.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Prince Charles Provoked

Prince Charles provoked outrage today after he called for the extermination of Britain's grey squirrels, the lower classes who are bleeding us dry.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Man Stuck In Road!

Man rescued by firefighters after foot gets stuck in melted tar while crossing road, after being ran over seventeen times, pissed on by two dogs. Doing as well as can be expected.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Buttercup Explosion Injures Frolickers!

Gorgeous weather sparks explosion of buttercups! Prime Minister Brown blames extreme Muslim terrorists.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
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Dieter's Dream

Dieters' dream: Scientists create food that will make you feel full for twice as long. Calls for eight glasses of water per day. They call it, "The Sponge Diet".

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Curry Prevents Disease!

Eating a curry once or twice a week could help prevent the onset of Alzheimer's disease and dementia, a leading expert claims. "It's not a sure cure but a sure curry...a small bit of wit there!"

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Royal Navy On The Move

The Royal Navy captured Somali pirate gang after cat and mouse chase across Indian Ocean. Next! Driving the Spanish boats from British waters at Gibraltar.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Cheney Cahnges Mind

Yesterday, Dick Cheney said his lesbian daughter Mary has convinced him to support gay marriage. Cheney made the announcement after he discovered his wife, Lynne, was once a man.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Mother-In-Law To Close Gitmo

Despite opposition from the public, Barack Obama says he's determined to close Guantanamo Bay prison. To make sure Guantanamo Bay closes, he's sending his Mother-In-Law. "She can stare down Cheney!"

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Conan's Tonight

Last night was the second night of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien." Will there be a third?

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

The Sniffiest Dogs In The Entire World

Paddy, a DVD-sniffing anti-piracy dog found 35,000 illegal discs in a warehouse in Malaysia. Meanwhile over in Japan, Geisha Girl, a Chihuahua found 10,383 pounds of illegal sushi in a Ford Focus.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Mexico City's Bullfights Cancelled

Bullfights in Mexico City were cancelled due to the area's heat wave. With temperatures hovering around 110 degrees, it was virtually impossible to get the fighting bulls to stand up much less charge.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Rating:

A Japanese Firm Buys Hummer Line

A Japanese firm has just purchased General Motor's Hummer line of vehicles. They plan to change the name to SakiSushi.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Sing Sing Prison's New Underwear Manifesto

Sing Sing Prison in New York is so crowded that the warden has mandated that inmates will share the same underwear with their cellmates. The warden is calling it the 12-Hour Each Underwear Manifesto.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Rating:

The Peking Starbucks (Mmmmmm)

The Starbucks in Peking reports that their most popular selling menu items include Stir-Fried Egg Plant Lattes, Sweet and Sour Tofu Cappuccinos, and Roasted Peking Duck Frappuccinos.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Obama and Chavez Engage in "Name Calling"

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez calls President Barack Obama a "Comrade." President Obama calls Chavez "An overweight chump-looking, two bit bowling ball faced pendejo (stupid)."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Joy Division drinking song voted top rare recording

The New Melodical Periodical has voted a Joy Division cover its top rarity among music fans and less obsessive listeners. "Show me the way to go home / I'm tired and I want to go to bed / In silence."

written by neilwatson, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Bug, Worms Good Protein

Nutritionists say properly prepared, insects and worms are delicious and an excellent source of protein if you can keep them down for at least five minutes.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Jacqui Smith Gives Resignation Speech Outside Her Home.

Unfortunately, the press were not in attendance as they had all gone to the wrong address.

written by Roy Turse, 03 June 2009
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ET Returns Briefly

E.T. the Extra Testicle, comes back to earth briefly to bring a gift to cyclist Lance Armstrong.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Sotomayor Watching Her Words

President Barack Obama hopes to put his lasting imprint on the Supreme Court with his choice of Sonia Sotomayor, but she is stepping carefully around Republican marbles, banana peels and mines.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Obama's Dog Devours Japanese Sound Man

"We never should have raised the dog on sushi," stated President Obama outside the morgue.

written by Wire Piddle, 03 June 2009
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American Idol Adam Lambert Checks Into Hospital For An Enema

You really don't want me to go into detail, do you?

written by Wire Piddle, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Attention Russia, China!

Four-year-old from kindergarten class visiting the White House pushes the pretty red buttons.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

DOT's New Lanes

Th Department of Transportation has announced the creation of cell phone only lanes on interstate highways.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
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Geithner Rallies Wall Street

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner suddenly appearing on Wall Street floor this morning tossing out $100 bills, leads to huge market rally!

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
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It'll Be Here Soon!

Thousands predicted to attend July 4th at Rockefeller Center for lighting of humongous firecracker!

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

PM Brown Little Depressed

Doctors say Prime Minister Brown is definitely depressed after running TV political ads against himself.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Obama Revises Campaign Promises

Obama Revises Campaign Promise Of 'Change' To "a little tuck here, a little more pazazz there, a little bit of autos going green, a little bit of bacon in our greens!"

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Regis Confirms Ancient Meteor Pounding

A storm of meteorites that pounded Earth and Mars four billion years ago may have made the planets warmer and wetter. Regis: "Boy, if you think things are bad NOW? We really had it rough."

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Government In Death Throes

Harriet Harman has attempted to dismiss speculation about Gordon Brown's future as the government faced accusations it is in its "death throes". But opposition claims that "his eyes are set."

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Mr Brown Banker

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been revealed to be the Banker on TV show Deal or No Deal.At least we now know what he did with tax money.

written by Qwerty123, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Al-Qaeda Denounces Obama

A message attributed to the deputy leader of al-Qaeda has denounced Barack Obama as a "mean old badie" on the eve of the US president's Middle East trip.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Greeland Elections Over

The left-wing Inuit Ataqatigiit (Community of the People, IA) party has won Greenland's parliamentary elections, 210 to 195, official results show.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
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Inmate Doesn't Want To See Wife

A Mississippi inmate has refused to see his wife on her visit. "I've already got one old ball and chain in here now!"

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Spark To Euro Elections

Former models and anti-Islamic firebrands are among some 9,000 candidates in the European election this week. But can they quicken the pulse of Europe's apathetic voters? Who knows? Who cares?

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Big Treasure Hunt In NZ

A spurned suitor in New Zealand has found an unusual way to dispose of his unwanted engagement ring - by holding a treasure hunt. Somali pirates already on their way to New Zealand.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Robotic Sub Reaches New Depth

A robotic sub called Nereus has reached the deepest-known part of the ocean. Sends back photos of big guy down there with something that looks like a pitchfork.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

US Nuclear Sites Posted

A document providing confidential details of US civilian nuclear sites was accidentally posted on the internet, the government has admitted. VP Joe Biden brought in for questioning.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
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Obama In Mid-East

US President Barack Obama is heading to the Middle East on a visit aimed at increasing US engagement with the Islamic world. Hold hands with Saudi King.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Hard Hit Auto States

Cabinet officials head to hard-hit auto states. Most hit are in wrecks in California due to speed, Florida due to constant left turn signal blinking.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Obama Open For Taxing

Obama said to be open to taxing health benefits, food, housing, cars, gas, tennis shoes, sex, water and air.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
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US Divided

Poll: US divided over torture, closing Guantanamo, firing everybody in Washington and starting all over.

written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Rating:

MP Scandel

Another MP has been exposed.He used £5000 tax money to fund his spaceship project and £1000 to pay for his daughters bail.

written by Qwerty123, 03 June 2009
Rating:

Milton Keynes Voyeur Caught!

The police arrested an Asian man in Milton Keynes today, for looking into people's windows. He was a Peking Tom.

written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2009
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