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CausesTeen Pregnancy

Researchers say that the wearing of little clothing or hormones acting up can cause teen pregnancy, but the #1 cause is still sex.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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What can brown do for you?

One thing Charlie Sanford of Oakland, CA said he wishes they wouldn't have done is smash his rear driver's side fender before speeding up the block in their delivery van.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 July 2009
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Better Check The Gap

Chain store outlet has been accused of having hookers around store to pick up some badly needed customer money. All Banana Repositioning Stores, ordered temporarily closed.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Go Free, No More Experiments!

Last of flu germs from the early 1900's that killed hundreds of thousands, to be studied, were released one night last week by a member of Greenpeace who somehow broke in through two locked chambers.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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He Did It!

Colonel Mustard accused of killing Michael Jackson in the conservatory with some mustard gas.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Presidential Motorcade Diverted

President Obama's motorcade was diverted yesterday as they came back to Washington after Mother-In-Law seen waiting with arms folded on the front lawn.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Queen "My secret fling with Keith Chegwin"

The Queen has come clean over her 5 minute quickie with Keith Chegwin. It took place in the BBC car park during filming of Swap Shop. Prince Philip was busy trying to swap Prince Edward at the time.

written by Earl Grey, 13 July 2009
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Women carry up to £57 worth of make up in their bags

Researchers have revealed that women can carry up to £57 worth of make-up in their bags. However, certain women celebrities are known to carry 57lb of make-up on their faces.

written by norma snockers, 13 July 2009
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Hellmans in Helmand? Oh hell man!

Due to an error 500,000 bottles of Hellmans Mayonnaise ended up with UK soldiers in Helmand Afghanistan.When received the receiving soldier said "Hell man!"

written by SPECTRUM, 13 July 2009
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Gore Trying To Be Heard

Al Gore: I'm afraid that all this bad economy, Swine Flu stuff has put the problem of global warming on the back burner.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Report From Mars Probe

Mars Rover sends back results of test: Martian soil perfect for growing large head, frail bodied geniuses.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Wyoming Heavily Defended

Dick Cheney warns congress not to go after him in any probes. "You start up with me and you'll soon find out where all those lost nuclear weapons went."

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Michael Jackson Tops Charts

Michael Jackson is at number 1 in the charts. Fans are hoping that with his renewed popularity he may go on tour again.

written by Earl Grey, 13 July 2009
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Fry "Had A Bit Of Laurie"

Stephen Fry has illegally downloaded a show starring comedy partner Hugh Laurie. Fry said "I just wanted to see what it was like to still be famous for acting rather than as a fat English poof"

written by Earl Grey, 13 July 2009
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Advice From Buffet

Man who paid thousands to have lunch with Warren Buffet says he told him that half of his investments are in canned goods.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Bin Laden Once Here

Book: Osama Bin Laden visited U.S. for 2 weeks in summer of 1979. Wrote songs and sang with Emerson, Lake, Palmer & Bin Laden.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Jackie's Torrid Affairs

New Book reveals torrid affair between Bobby Kennedy, Jackie Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, George Kennedy and several employees at the JFK Airport.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Low-Calorie Diet Lengthens Life

Low Calorie Diet extends life of monkeys, does help human beings in teats but most spend later years throwing shit at nurses aides.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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I'm Losing It

"Why Self-Control Is Not Natural" article writer at "Today's Science World" found with 197 stab wounds

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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G-8 Leaders Limit Warming

G-8 Leaders Agree to Limit Global Temperature Rise to 2º Celsius. Plan to mount giant windmills at the poles.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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GMC Confesses Mistakes In The Past

General Motors is finally out of bankruptcy. Admits that things like naming a new smart car, The Chevy Lugnut was a dumb idea.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Pelosi: We Were Misled

Pelosi: The CIA routinely misled the congress during Bush Administration. "Where we're right out in the open about our tax cheating."

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Iran To Ship Poll Results?

To further prove that the vote count was correct, Iran's leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he is willing to ship the whole load to Florida for a recount.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Warhol's Jackson Pulled

Warhol's Jackson portrait dropped from NY auction. It is being replaced by "Campbell's Soup Cans #1125".

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Jackson Tribute In London

Michael Jackson fans to stage highly planned, very detailed impromptu London tribute.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Indiana Prison Break

One Indiana prison escapee caught; two still at large. "We got the skinny one already", says police officer.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Miss Liberty's Crown

The crown on the Statue of Liberty is back open to the public. Visitors say they can see both Russia and Sarah Palin's back yard in Alaska from high view.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Angelina's Adorable Twins

Angelina Jolie's adorable twins melt the heart of anyone who's seen them. Also, the children, Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt celebrated their first birthdays yesterday.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Rupert Grint Describes His Swine Flu Ordeal

Harry Potter star, Rupert Grint has said that he had fully recovered from his ordeal of catching swine flu. "The experience was NOT as bad as kissing Emma Watson." he said today.

written by IN SEINE, 13 July 2009
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North Korea in Zodiac Mix up

North Korea strongly denies that its leader, Kim Jong il DOES NOT have cancer (as his birth sign). A close friend reports that he is an Aquarian.

written by IN SEINE, 13 July 2009
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Kim Jong Il 'MAY' have Cancer

It has been reported that North Korean leader Kim Jong il may have pancreatic cancer. Coincidentally, the scientists have repeatedly warned that playing with nuclear weapons may cause cancer.

written by IN SEINE, 13 July 2009
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Baywatch The Movie

"Baywatch The Movie" may be at your theater soon. Thorough plotting has delayed the production which was recently helped by writer James Patterson.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Hussein's Pistol In Bush Museum

Saddam Hussein's pistol is headed for the Bush Library in Texas, which will dovetail nicely into visitor's questions by the guide explaining how the Iraqi leader shot his wad.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Golf Can Make You Deaf!

Study reveals that newer golf clubs CAN make you deaf! So that's another excuse that you never heard the wife say she needed you for home repairs that day.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Plan For Swine Flu Shots

British Health officials plan to vaccinate 20 million Britons against disease by Christmas. They will be herded up into pens & ran through line popping then in the arms as they scamper down "shutes".

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Boss Also Suffers Loss

'My boss sent me joke breasts after my mastectomy' reveals nursery nurse as she is awarded £15,000 compensation, sends him fake testicles.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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I Am The Egg Man

A man who spiked his girlfriend's omelette with sleeping pills, beat her and trapped her by setting fire to her home, has been jailed for life on complete diet of eggs.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Downing Street Closed. PM IN Quarantine

The outbreak of swine flu finally brought some good news as Gordon Brown nearly became ill.

written by Earl Grey, 13 July 2009
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Male: Chldbirth Pain A Good Thing

The pain of childbirth may have benefits on which women who opt for painkilling epidurals miss out, a senior male midwife has said...who was immediately kicked in the balls by a new mother.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Official Government Inquiry

Inquiry opens into Iraqi's death to learn if the British soldiers were guilty of "luring" the poor suicide bomber by gathering in groups.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Pakistanis Go Home

Pakistani's displaced begin return home. Taliban-friendly to the South, Anti-Taliban back to the north. Nod as they pass.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Obese Hit By Swine Flu

Some swine flu cases in Michigan are raising questions about obesity's role in why some people with infections become seriously ill. "Eating like a pig certainly doesn't help", says one official.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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New ID Raises Fears

Chips in official IDs raise privacy fears according to one James P. Allen, of Florida, whose license # is YJK 776, hates the New York Yankees and has his eye on the widow Jenkins down on Palm Street.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Oil Up Again

Oil up near $60 on weaker dollar, Nigeria attack, that one lady in Wichita, Kansas driving off with the gas nozzle still stuck in her car.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Iowa Legalizes Late Dancing

Iowa's biggest city may legalize late-night dance, according to the movers and shakers in the legislature.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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On Board The Titanic

Democrats push for probe into Bush policies. Republicans push for investigation into Obama born outside US, Whitewater.

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Our Economy Not The Worst

Eleven places with a worse economy than ours! For one, there's the Congo. Then, Somalia. Tibet!

written by Bureau, 13 July 2009
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Kim Jong Ill

North Korean leader Kim Jong is ill. At this difficult time we would like to send our best wishes to any opposition group leaders who may still be free.

written by Earl Grey, 13 July 2009
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California is going to rethink its policy that enables...

a drug addicted, financially insolvent, single black man suspected of child molestation to have a white woman artificially inseminated with a white man's sperm so that he can bring up the children.

written by Wire Piddle, 13 July 2009
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Cricket - The Ashes Comeback Team

Selectors have named a surprise team for the 2nd Test at Lords. WG Grace, Fred Trueman, CB Fry, Jack Hobbs, Wally Hammond, Brian Statham and the Hon. Stanley Jackson have all been recalled.

written by Ron Smith, 13 July 2009
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EPA Puts Republicans on Endangered Species List

Newt Gingrich successfully petitioned the EPA to put Republicans on the ESL. If a dominant leader is found, the Congressional midterm elections of 2010 may see a dramatic comeback of this species.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 July 2009
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Republicans Present Energy Plan

Republican leaders advise President Obama to send the environmental lobby to the South Pole. Such a move would decrease useless energy consumption by 25% and reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 50%.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 July 2009
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