Order by:
Rating:

Staten Island Ferry crash injures 9

Several waterlogged survivors adrift in the Hudson River were picked up by a passing US Airways Airbus A320.

written by Wire Piddle, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Turd Czar Created

President Obama creates the position of Turd Czar who will make sure a city's waste plant can control the amount of shit, a turd limit for each household, that passes through.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

The Perez Hilton vs. The Black Eyed Peas Saga Continues

Perez Hilton is returning the 500 Black Eyed Peas CD's the band gave him. He said that the "Please drop your lawsuit" note wrapped around a $1,000 bill did not work either.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

That Skirt-Chasin' Southern Governor Hits On Brobama's Mama-in-Law

President Obama said his mother-in-law told him that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford asked her out on a date. She told him absolutely not. And then added that she did not date white guys.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Hulk Hogan's Dainty Motion Picture Role

Hulk Hogan desperate for money because of his costly divorce has agreed to play the lead in the film, Richard Simmons - The Feminine Years.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Vladimir Putin Rules To Close Every Russia Casino

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has ruled that all of Russia's 500 plus casinos will be closed. Immediately about 9 billion playing chips go on sale on eBay.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Kirstie Alley To Portray Wynonna Judd

Producers have offered Kirstie Alley the lead role in the country music motion picture, My Name Is Wynonna Judd and I'm A Sanger. The only stipulation is that she has to gain 43 pounds.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Where Is Dick "The Lips" Cheney?

Political pundits are starting to worry about Dick Cheney's health because Dick "The Lips" Cheney has not made an anti-Obama remark in over four hours.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Jennifer Aniston To Appear In A Real Reality Show

Jennifer Aniston has just been signed to appear in The Bravo Channel's new reality show, "Hey How Come I Can't Get Me A Friggin' Boyfriend?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Miss Italy Severely Reprimanded

Miss Italy has been severely reprimanded for telling a reporter that she truly believes that the leaning tower of Pisa should be fixed because it is leaning like the dickens.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

You Could Win Up To $1,000,000

"Get out the vote" for 2010 already started. Government may hold special lottery by giving away ten free tickets to everyone who votes. Expect 50-100% increase in voters.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Hard To Stay On Your Feet

The world's markets continue to slide, as one guy on Wall Street stated, "It's a bear market and right now we're knee-deep in bear shit!"

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

President : Homosexuals Can Be Cured

President Obama stated today that he believes homosexuals can be cured. "So can heterosexuals, if they go to the right doctor. It's according to what is wrong with them."

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Tosser Murray faces Roddick in Wimbledon semi final

Prepare for a straight sets masterclass as Roddick wipes the floor with the snipy little Scottish git!

written by queen mudder, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Science News - Other Drivers Statistically Not As Good As Me

Recent research has shown that when driving, I make the correct decision 100% of the time. Conversely, other drivers tend to make the incorrect decision 100% of the time so UP YOURS TWAT IN THE VAN!!

written by Ron Smith, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Brown resigns!

Gordon Brown secretly stood down as Prime Minister last Thursday. The news was buried under Michael Jackson to avoid any further embarrassment for the government. Brown will return to teaching.

written by Ron Smith, 01 July 2009
Rating:

The Evolution of Chimps

Scientists discover that chimpanzees can already make tools simply by copying a video of humans doing the same. Before you know it, they WILL be able to compose the entire works of Shakespeare.

written by IN SEINE, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Oddly Shaped Fruit Back on Sale In Europe

The European commission have abolished the rules on selling oddly-shaped fruit. Now you can have a banana shaped like a penis and eat it too! Apparently, women are overjoyed.

written by IN SEINE, 01 July 2009
Rating:

911 Call To Crawford, Texas

Crawford, Texas police rush to Bush residence after 911 call as ex-President George Bush had another Chinese finger trap incident. Laura finally burns it in barrel out back.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Body Of Idiot Found

Body of idiot in audience who asked President Obama if "he was still beating his mother-in-law" found today after apparently being tickled to death with a peacock feather.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Et Tu, Whamo?

The Whamo Company may go before a congressional bunch of yoyo's and slinkys asking for a bailout.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Gates Loses Uncle

Bill Gates told friends this morning that his favorite uncle, Pearly Gates, had passed away.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Economy, Not Ecology

A group of scientists have announced that the earth may be at it's "tipping" point. Hundreds of thousands of waiters, waitresses disagree.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Elton John To Do Tribute For Michael Jackson

Elton John to do tribute song to Michael Jackson in tune of "A Candle In The Wind", which he formerly wrote for Marilyn Monroe, Lady Di, Jade Goody, Dom Deluise.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Astronomer's Carrying On Important Projects

Astronomers now date Odysseus's homecoming to April 16, 1178 B.C. Next up: Trying to find the actual birth date of Larry King.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Newspaper Bailout?

Nations Newspapers may be seeking a big bailout next. Several owners said to have that "Stick a fork in our ass" look about them.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Right To Bare, Shoot Arms

Supreme Court rules 5-4 in favor of Individual Right to Gun Ownership, then the five take out their guns and fire them into the ceiling in celebration.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Not Best Of Times

Consumer confidence hits all-time low. "Nobody thinks anything will ever be any good for no time ever even into eternity!" reads the Daily Alcoholic!

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Aaron Carter Says He's Gay! Yeah and...?!?

In order to deny the fact that his new single "Let Go" is about Hilary Duff, his girlfriend seven years ago, Aaron Carter told People that he was gay. We don't see what's the new thing to know...

written by Mig93, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Paedophile Gene Identified

We know where you live, Gene..........

written by Blazing Saddle, 01 July 2009
Rating:

The Good Old Boy South Carolina Governor Reimburses The State

Gov. Mark Sanford has reimbursed the state of South Carolina for his trip to Argentina to visit his mistress. He handed over to the state treasurer a check for $3,000 and two boxes of condoms.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

The Winner of The White House Swimsuit Competition

The "First Mama" Michelle Obama in order to poke fun at her "sleeveless critics" models a brand new swimsuit with sleeves.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

The Continuing Saga of Bernard "What Was I Thinking" Madoff

The city council of Queens, New York has voted unanimously to change the name of Bernard Madoff Avenue to Jailbird Street.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Janet Jackson To Pose Nude

Janet Jackson will pose completely nude for a photoshoot to be credited for Playboy in loving memory of her brother, Michael Jackson.

written by Mig93, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Michael Jackson's 50 concert dates....

to be replaced by seances with Uri Geller.

written by Wire Piddle, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Have You Seen Al Franken's Wife?

She must have been a hooker for the blind.

written by tlmedia, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Christopher Walken Would Like To....

do a reprise of his raccoon dance at Michael Jackson's memorial but no one has invited him yet.

written by Wire Piddle, 01 July 2009
Rating:

UK - Thatcher 'Not Dead Again' Fears

Margaret Thatcher, who many in the UK consider as the most evil person in history after Max Clifford, were saddened to hear the news that she had survived surgery and had not even contracted MRSA.

written by Ron Smith, 01 July 2009
Rating:

"It's For You!"

Landfills now filled with music day and night as people throw away old cellphones without taking out batteries.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Makeshift Houses Torn Down For Safety Reasons

The US government has homemade shakes built under city bridges torn down after seven family cars run into river after driving home drunk.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

At Least It Saves On Paper, Trees

More that 3,000 full time newspaper reporters, staff lose their jobs in the US according to news article on the Drudge, Yahoo Internet Sites.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Don't Even Have To Light Up

Greece has introduced a ban on smoking in hospitals, schools, vehicles and all public places. In fact, you will only be able to smoke in one super-sized room in Athens.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Ugly Fruit, Veggies Back

Curly cucumbers, crooked carrots and mottled mushrooms - odd-looking fruit and vegetables are making a comeback as 20-year-old EU rules are lifted. Will now rate taste, nutrition over appearance.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Veggies Avoid Some Cancers

Vegetarians are generally less likely than meat eaters to develop cancer but don't enjoy life much.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Earthworm Worth Protecting

Fans of the giant Palouse earthworm are once again seeking federal protection for the rare, sweet-smelling species that spits at predators, politicians.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Cutbacks Everywhere

States work to stave off government shutdowns. Internet may have to close down humor si......

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Worried About Mom

Tennessee boy allegedly steals from ambulance as mom treated. Ambulance takes mother to hospital on wheel rims.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Cheers, Farts Greet Franken

Minnesota Senator Al Franken takes his seat in the senate after applause and after other 99 sat on whoopie cushions.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Jackson An Insomniac

Report: Insomniac Jackson often begged for drug, seen out moon walking in the dark.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Citi Raises Rates, Fees

Citi raises rates on millions of credit cards, plus adds $250 to charge for every horse's head left at foot of your bed.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Jackson Will To Be Read

Jackson's will to be filed in court Wednesday. Apparently left everything to his chimpanzee, Bubbles.

written by Bureau, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Could Jay Lenno Be Developing ADD?

Lately he can only count to 10! Very sad

written by tlmedia, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Rumor Is...

Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas have broken up again; the excuse this time: JEALOUSY!

written by Mig93, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Record Temperatures See Rise In Record Temperature Headlines

Analysts expect record breaking headlines as temperatures soar to an all time high since the last time it was a little bit sunny.

written by Ron Smith, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Paybacks are hell!

Unable to muster means to capture #1 slot from deceased spoofer Dark Prime, BuckwheatsButt "sinks to San Francisco Onion's level," attempts to teabag said spoofer from number 6 position for comments.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 01 July 2009
Rating:

Tehran to be Renamed Honduras

Iranian citizens are being killed on the streets of Tehran. The USA, OAS, Arab Street, UN and others are silent. President Obama has suggested changing the name Tehran to Honduras to garner attention.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 July 2009
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