Dogs can write Shakespeare
In Newry, N. Ireland today, it was found out that Springer Spaniels can write Shakspeare plays such as; MacBeth, A midsummer Night's dream, Hamlet etc. Howver this is at the expense of their tonsils.
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Athiest Florist Arrested
Three local florists in Emeryville, California have been rounded up by police this morning and arrested for doing secret stem cell research!
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Satire Site Sued
The one millionth internet satire site, "Deep Pelican Balls" is being sued by the original "Deep Pelican Balls".
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Cat Changing Again
According to the National Questioner, Steven Demetre Georgiou (Cat Stevens) or Yussef Islam is planning to change his name to Bubba.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Gore Warns Of Nudists
Former VP Al Gore's warning that in the near future, there will be nudist colonies as far north as North Dakota, not drawing much anger.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Extra Ear Wax Needed
The Madame Tussaud's wax image of President Barack Obama only awaiting the arrival of the extra wax for the ears.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Party Animal Rights
The New York Times reports that the new Party Animal Rights League is growing by leaps and bounds, lampshade hats required at all meetings.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
New Car's Feature Useless
A new study by Consumer's Guide says that the air bags on the new GMC nuclear-powered cars are completely useless.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
"Jimmy Carter's Own"
Jiffy Peanut Butter has introduced it's new "Jimmy Carter's Own" Salmonella-free peanut butter, smooth or crunchy.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Obama an alien
Not only is our President landmarkly black, it emerged yesterday, Barack Obama is also an alien, from The Sun.
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Seattle Suffers Mild Earthquake
An earthquake measuring 4.6 on the Richter Scale has hit Seattle, according to the USGS. Seismologists believe the epicentre of the tremors to be Dr Frasier Crane's ego.
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Englishman and Swede make history
A 37 year old man from Stoke and a 24 year old lady from Stockholm Sweden have made history as the first people to make love, naked, in the London Eye. Now that's voyeurism for you!
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Woman gives birth to 8
She already has 6 other kids and when asked why she has so many kids, she responded, "I can't count"
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US Economy Shrinks 3.8%
The US economy shrank by 3.8% last quarter, according to figures released today. American waist measurements decreased by the same percentage. IQ's are up, as GW Bush is currently out of the country.
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All In This Together
Blonds around the country have told reporters from Maine to California that, during the present recession/depression, they aren't having any more fun that anyone else.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Buzzard Deaths Unintentional
The game warden in North Carolina says that a family there accidentally threw out a tofurky on Thanksgiving instead of placing in the garbage and that explained the deaths of a dozen buzzards.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Reports of White House Pregnancy
There are rumours that First Lady Michelle Obama may be pregnant with their third child. A Downing St. Spokesman said, "we're impressed - our Prime Minister only fucks the economy".
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Brand New Poll Out
A brand new poll out this morning says that it is completely out of money and can't tell you a ****** thing, so go away.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
VP Cheney Still Helping Out
Former VP Cheney, seen still around Washington with hands wrapped, said he suffered some slight burns trying to help the White House janitor burn some old papers cluttering up the place.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Another Bailout
A bum off the street found his way into the congressional hearings on the bailouts this morning and went on the mike requesting the bailout of a cheeseburger and a cup of coffee.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
No Toilet Paper
An apparently paperless employee on guard at the Ancient Egyptian Display in Memphis, Tennessee, has used the mummy wrappings of Toot Uncommon as toilet paper.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Followed Instructions
A citizen of Macon County, Georgia apparently completely misunderstood a sign there on a restaurant stating "Drive Through Window".
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Enquiring Minds Want To Know
The National Enquirer, which has gained more credibility with the Edwards Affair exposure, has now exposed another urban legend, one that they made up themselves in 1996.
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written by
Bureau, 30 January 2009
Blears Publishes Sex Manual
Hazel Blears MP has published her 'Guide To Good Socialist Sex', available on Amazon. She says, "sex is like campaigning. . . high energy, high impact, low cost".
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Nokia Reports Record UK Sales
Mobile phone company Nokia has announced a record 34% increase in UK sales. Reports are that the bulk of sales are to PM Gordon Brown, currently smashing three phones a week in uncontrolled rages.
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Virgin Boss to open up Indian Restaurant Chain
Sir Richard Branson is considering opening an Indian Fast food chain following a complaint from a disgruntled airline passenger. "I want to exploit the free advertising!" he said today.
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'Too many' cannot read or write
MPs have said that an "unacceptably" high number of people in England cannot read, write and count properly. "You could end up being an MP if you don't change your ways." they warn.
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Blagovejich Ousted as Illinois Governor
Rod Blagovejich ousted following impeachment for allegedly trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Illinois Senate spokesman said Blogovejich had violated the terms of their contract with eBay.
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