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Rating:

Batman To Battle The Evil Three

According to Hollywood Gossip the next Batman movie will pit the Caped Crusader against The Evil Three of Bernie Madoff, Geraldo Rivera and Rod Blagojevich."

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Another Lost Tribe

Yet another lost tribe in the Amazon has proved a fake. Apparently, according to their leader, they're all extras in the filming of the next Indiana Jones movie.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Internet Addiction

Remember, you can get the full report on today's NBC's Report on internet addiction directly online.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Small Wall Street Rally

There was a small rally on Wall Street today on hearing the report that bread lines are now 20% shorter than the ones last week.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Dubai's Rotating Skyscraper

The new rotating skyscraper in Dubai apparently screwed itself right into the ground overnight, striking oil!

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

They'll All Remember It

The man who jumped off the Chrysler Building in New York City yesterday morning is said to have created a very good impression.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Scottish Nationalists Lose Budget Vote

The SNP failed to pass its Budget vote in the devolved Holyrood Assembly, amid fears that the Jocks would blow the whole lot on McEwans Export and deep-fried Mars Bars.

written by Dungeekin, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Julian Lloyd-Webber has Cello Scrotum

Well known Cellist Julian Lloyd-Webber, brother of composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, is suffering from 'Cello Scrotum' and has to wear a G-string to alleviate its painful symptoms.

written by IN SEINE, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Ramsay says Bullshit to Cow Claims

Newcastle University researchers claim that gallons more milk can be produced by happy cows. However, chef, Gordon Ramsey said; "This is utter Bullocks!"

written by IN SEINE, 28 January 2009
Rating:

'Data Privacy Day' Kept Too Private?

Today is World Data Privacy Day - but nobody found out about it in advance as the organisers didn't want to tell anyone about it.

written by Dungeekin, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Milky way for cows

Gallons more milk can be produced by happy cows, according to researchers at Newcastle University. However, farmers in Devon say; "Pull the udder one!"

written by IN SEINE, 28 January 2009
Rating:

New Committee, Secretary

Barack Obama has officially banned any form of torture in the United States. He is now forming a committee to oversee the "No Torture In The United States" ban and a new Sec. of No Torture In the U.S.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Happy cows produce more milk.

Happy cows produce more milk, according to researchers at Newcastle University. Many herds of cattle in Yorkhire are now known as 'The Laughing Stock of the Community'.

written by IN SEINE, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Downing Street Appoints New Spokesman

The new spokesman for the PM is to be Muhammad Saeed Al-Sahhaf, former Iraqi Information Minister. Sources said he would 'bring clarity' to Gordon Brown's statements, especially on the economy.

written by Dungeekin, 28 January 2009
Rating:

ITV Suspends Filming on 'Heartbeat'

Filming has been suspended on further episodes of Heartbeat, after ITV executives finally realised the show no longer had a pulse. 'Star' Joe McFadden is to be humanely destroyed, say producers.

written by Dungeekin, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Netherlands & Iceland in Diplomatic Tussle

Netherlands in diplomatic incident with Iceland over the appointment of a new Lesbian Icelandic PM - the Dutch claim that only they have rights to important dykes.

written by Dungeekin, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Obama To Free Prisoners

President Barack Obama says he is ready to release almost ten percent of the U.S. prison population and has ordered mattress companies to quit placing tags on their product, but on the product cover.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Vote for Goat!

Vindicated goat, Mbillia Capra Aegagrus Hircus, has declaired himself a candidate in the next Nigerian Presidential Election, representing the Nigerian 419 Scam Party.

written by Exislanda, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Local Hero Ditches Bus

Local "hero" who ditched his tourist bus into a pond after passing out drunk nearly beaten to death by irate passengers. Claims he would have hit another vehicle or tree if not taken swift action.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Illinois Guv Disappointed

Illinois Governor Blagojevich appeared on ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday morning after receiving no offers from anyone to take his seat there opposite Diane Sawyer.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Hint Not Well Received

A report from Car & Driver says that a playful little tap on the horn to let the person in front know that the light has turned to green is seldom appreciated.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Free Natural Gas Neglected

The Exxon/Mobile company says that the United States is wasting fossil fuel by neglecting old folks homes, especially when it comes to natural gas. Right now they have people checking it out.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

ACLU Will Defend

A spokesperson for the ACLU announced yesterday that they will defend the rights of the Gitmo prisoners to blow up the ACLU building.

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

He's Really President

President Obama says it's just now hitting him that he really is the president of the United States and that it's all real, including his mother-in-law's daily cheek pinching!

written by Bureau, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Half ton cat lady vanishes after odor brings cops

A 1000 pound woman who has some 1600 cats, was found to be missing from her house, through whose door she could not fit. The cats all seemed well fed.

written by Aspartame Boy, 28 January 2009
Rating:

3,000 Whitehall posts to go

It has been announced that 3,000 Government posts are to be axed. The posts, which line the pavements of Whitehall, were installed in the 1980's, are no longer needed now the 'Irish Problem' has gone.

written by NODDY, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Spring "must-have" cosmetics

Vole urine is the new anti-wrinkle "wonder ingredient" proclaims the cosmetics industry - expect to see it everywhere this spring. Also hot is "pressed rat and warthog cream", from Clapton and Baker.

written by NODDY, 28 January 2009
Rating:

Bank execs hit hard in downturn

Bankers have been hit hard by the economic downturn - sales of the top-of-the-range Maybach '62' motor car (£346,000) are down 6%.However, sales of the '57' (at a bonus-swallowing £300,00) are up 15%.

written by NODDY, 28 January 2009
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