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Salt reserves in Britain Critical

The bad news is that salt reserves in Britain are critical, but the good news is that it has plenty of pepper in stock!

written by IN SEINE, 04 February 2009
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Snowbound Britain: Low on Salt

Snowbound Britain is dangereously low on salt and food manufacturers are to blame - "They've been adding far too much for over a decade!" claims Celebrity Chef, Jamie Oliver

written by IN SEINE, 04 February 2009
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Beckham / Rooney transfer agreed

David Beckham and Wayne Rooney have agreed terms for a wife swap in the next transfer window.

written by Antonio Caldera, 04 February 2009
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The Guinness Book of Records (Tits' Section)

Houston woman has her eighth boob job. She's now a size 38-KKK and she'll appear in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the biggest breasts in the world. Her photo will take up 2 pages.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
Rating:

The 61-Year-Old Rolling Stone

Rolling Stones' guitarist Ron Wood, 61, recently said about his Russian girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova who is 20, "I may 'ave to dump 'er. She's gettin' a bit on in years ya know."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Paris Gets The Cold Shoulder

Paris Hilton is upset that her British friends are all ignoring her while she is visiting England. One California friend say that Paris has no friends in Britain.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
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Iceland declares war on Darling

Huge Icelandic trawler fleet spotted off Scottish west coast displaying skull and crossbone flags.

written by Antonio Caldera, 04 February 2009
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Nike takes Step In Right Direction

Nike Shoes has announced that, after much sole searching, they are canceling all contracts with countries who use child labor.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Suicide Bomber Backs Out

A carefully trained suicide bomber has fled Iraq and asked the United States for asylum after choosing mind over martyr.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Kennedy Campaign's Unsubstantuated Leak

N.Y. Gov. Paterson says a campaign staffer leaked several problems to the press that Caroline Kennedy "wasn't ready for office" and faced possible tax, nanny, marital and the usual Kennedy problems.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Women's Badminton Players Denied Visas

Iran invited the U.S. women's badminton team to a tournament then denied its players visas, saying there was no time to process them. "We're so disappointed we could shit" stated one player.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Octuplets Woman Receives Offers

A Californian woman who gave birth to octuplets has been showered with book & TV offers, the woman's newly-hired publicist said. "Mercy me", stated the woman, "I sure never thought this would happen!"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Medical Head Injured

The head of the Kansas State Medical Board was critically injured Wednesday when his Honda exploded as he was leaving home for work, an attorney said. The rest of the doctor was apparently untouched.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
Rating:

45-Foot-Long Snake

Fossils from northeastern Columbia reveal the biggest snake ever discovered: a behemoth 45 feet long and weighing more than 2500 pounds. Authorities quickly checked their facts with John McCain.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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NHS save money!

Somerset Primary Care Trust are demonstrating they're saving money by suspending a nurse for over over 7 weeks with NO pay. The nurse was suspended for offering prayer for healing of the sick.

written by IN SEINE, 04 February 2009
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Obama Says Biden Will Head Task Force to Improve Standing of Middle Class

The task force is revolted by this horrible image!

written by Aspartame Boy, 04 February 2009
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Talking Horse

Mr Ed, the infamous Talking Horse from the 1960s sitcom of the same name was rushed to the vets today after a heart-attack. Vets say he is in stable condition.

written by IainB, 04 February 2009
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Euthanasia Legalised

A spokesman representing Supreme Court judges has announced today that voluntary, non-voluntary and involuntary euthanasia for "signficantly overweight" Americans will now be legalised.

written by ChrisAshby13, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Unemployment Woes

The Department of work and Pensions in Britain have said; "At the rate businesses are laying off and closing, we soon will have an unemployed population. That simply will not work!"

written by IN SEINE, 04 February 2009
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Senator John McCain (aka 'Crybaby' Johnny)

When President Obama was told that Senator John McCain did not support his economic stimulus plan he replied, "Looks to me like Cindy's husband is still pissed that I kicked his 89-year-old ass."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
Rating:

The First CEO To Go On Welfare

President Obama will impose a limit of $500,000 for CEO's whose companies are receiving Federal bailout money. One angry CEO said, "Okay. No problem. I'll just have to apply for food stamps."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Lesbian Couple Files For Divorce

The lesbian couple who led the fight for same-sex marriages in Massachusetts is getting divorced. The couple did not specify the reason, but a close friend said it's because both want to be the guy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
Rating:

An Update On England's Queen 'Boy' George

The warden at HMP Edmund's Hill in Newmarket, Suffolk reports that Boy George seems to have adjusted well to prison life. Last week he was voted "The Queen of Cell Block #19" by a vote of 73 to 1.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Tax Break For "Most" Car Buyers

The U.S. Senate has voted to give a tax break to new car buyers. There is a fine print clause that says that this does not apply to Republicans, since they're all rich.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 February 2009
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ExxonMobile Profits Double

Both profits at Exxon Mobile Oil and size of CEO's balls double during 2008.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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McCain Still Thinks He Won

A very confused John McCain, who apparently thinks he won the presidential election, names Punxsutawney Phil as new Head of Shadow Government.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Deaths In Threes?

A national group of spiritualists and mediums has announced that their study has concluded that deaths do seem to occur in sickles.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Bush Driver Caught

Nancy Pelosi announced this morning that the democrats have hunted down and arrested George Bush's driver.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Fat Guy Loses Pants Again

Fat guy who had recently had his stomach stapled, loses his pants again on New York City Subway. Several viewers were taken to hospital for vomiting, dehydration.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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McMahan Back Home

86-year-old Ed McMahan, who lost his house three months ago, has managed to find it again after receiving help from police.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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Pulling All-Nighter

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told friends this morning that she blames NRA for and its all-night snipe hunt for losing primary.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
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NASCAR: Toothpaste Illegal

NASCAR has announced that in the 2009 racing season, cars with toothpaste advertising on them will be automatically disqualified.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2009
Rating:

Iraqi Election a Great Surprise

Yasser Hamas Hussein, Saddam's lost third son, has been elected president of Iraq. A new relationship between Iraq's Sunni and Shia is anticipated. Yasser was living abroad in Iran until recently.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 February 2009
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