Order by:
Rating:

Family Waiting Patiently

Family not worrying when but if great grandfather will die. "Hey, who's turn to take out the shit bucket?"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Intellgence Report Different

CIA Intelligence totally disagrees with FBI Intelligence but strangely, 100% with the old loudmouth at the bar last night!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Favre Away From Minesota

Brett Favre was apparently kidnapped last night and seen headed toward Detroit with a hood over his head.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Chelsea To Wed

Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Hillary Is planning a big wedding while Bill is planning a big bachelor party.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Santa Answers

Man's letter to Santa finally gets and answer. After 50 years, he's going to get a puppy.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Barbee Recalled

"Barbee Makes Her Own Sex Video" Dolls being pulled from Toys 'R Us shelves as it is revealed to be a Chinese Knockoff.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

No Use Running The Thing

Chevy 2010 Tahoe fails crash test when guy who's going send it into wall at 25MPH first leans on the hood!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

First Signals From Space

The first signal from outer space has come in and id apparently a black & white sitcom called "E Liv Looki".

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Won't Even Advertise It!

Mable McDonald says she has lost over 35 pounds this past year while eating Ronald.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Mexican Mixture!

Mexico City has became the first to combine Viagra with Mexican jumping beans. Old farts are jumping into bed right now as we speak.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Another Economic Meltdown

More bad economic news as "The View A Decaying Corpse Channel" has fired all it's employees and will completely close down just as soon as the present one's right ear is eaten.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Santa's Got Competition

The US Post Office says that for the first time ever, more Santa Claus wish list letters are addressed to Washinton than to the North Pole!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Bush Bringing Update

Former President Bush says he will meet with President Obama next week to brief him on the situation inside his pants.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Biden Moving On Up!

In other news today, President Barack Obama hit his head when climbing aboard a helicopter this morning and is now a gibbering idiot.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Karzai: Call Me Poppa!

Afghan President Hamid Karzai announced this morning that he will personally see to the new 30,000 US troops arriving there soon.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Manson Receiving New Messages?

One of the guards at Corcoran Prison says that there is a voice coming from Charles Manson's cell that sounds just like his late grandmother.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Hillary Has New Book

Hillary Clinton was was interviewed about Chelsea's upcoming wedding yesterday. She also talked about her upcoming book, "It Takes All Kinds!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Obama Finishes Second

In a new Gallup Poll conducted last week, Barack Obama's ears came in second to those of Prince Charles. Third was Dumbo the Elephant.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

The Nigerian Worm Out

Latest from the FBI is that there is a new worm virus out that makes you come down with a virus that causes your worm to shrink. Originated by Nigerians, who will sell you the cure.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Dutch navy consisting of a Viking Longship and leaky rowing boat arrests Somalian pirates

The amazing Dutch Navy have arrested Somalian pirates with only a Viking Longship and a rubber dinghy.
Their other vessel, a leaky rowing boat, patrols Amsterdam's canals fishing for Junkies!

written by Jaggedone, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Elin Confronts Tiger

Elin Woods tells friends she had to confront Tiger because he had nearly worn out his putter.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Strolling Bone, Ron Wood is arrested for looking like a "stiff" but not having one!

Ronnie Wood looks like a "Stiff" but fails to get it "Stiff" His young "Russian BIT" laughed at him so he kicked his cat and was promptly arrested for assault, Keith Richards died laughing!

written by Jaggedone, 03 December 2009
Rating:

NKorean Finally Successful

North Korean missile finally misses the ocean and hits the broad side of a barn.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Old Claude Is Gone

Well known paleontologist Claude Underground takes a dirt bath at the age of 82.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

"Living Breasts" Selling Mostly To Boobs

Scientists who created the "living breasts" in lab to go with "living bra", say they are mostly being bought by single men still living at home.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Often Booked By Mistake

"The Blue-Eyed Peas" say they are mostly doing Country & Western at ski lodges.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Lead By "Sacred" Leader

Driver unearths giant skull of 6ft 'cow' which roamed the country 7,500 years ago when cows ruled the earth.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Most Bartenders Agree

Super-strength 18% beer banned in UK 'for promoting excessive drinking', passing of super gas!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Labour Candidate Out

Labour candidate sacked after branding the Queen 'vermin'. Claims he meant to say, "Your Vermin Highness".

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Pakistani PM Pissed

Gordon Brown publicly rebuked by Pakistani PM as he denies Osama bin Laden is hiding in his country. "He's probably driving a cab in US or Britain."


written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Biden Poo Poos Curse

VP Joe Biden says he was not afraid of any curse after taking his family to King Tut exhibit. "We saw Abraham Lincoln's birthplace in Kentucky and every person who ever met him has died."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

CSI: Miami uncovers evidence in Tiger Woods case

Vaginal fluid traces on golf clubs prove Tiger's putter isn't the only thing touching his balls.

written by Jalapenoman, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Also, Gremlin Sitting On Wing

Terrified passengers force open emergency doors and jump from plane after spotting smoke coming from engine's exhaust. Few injured, most just exhausted.


written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Law enforcement offices assign CSI: Miami to take over Tiger Woods' accident investigation

Horatio Cain wants to make sure all photographs of him are from his good side.

written by Jalapenoman, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Iran's Next Trick: Low Earth Orbit Weapon Platform

"For civilian use only", said Iranian leader.

written by Tcoah, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Greenpeace Disputes Claim

Greenpeace announced today that it is not true that their new emblem has Herman Munster on it, but still Kermit The Frog.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Global Warming - for the birds

Turns out that East Anglia University global warming theorists had a theory that the world was going to end this time last Tuesday, just after dinner.

written by Tcoah, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Sarkozy Wuzzies Out!

Sarkozy cancels London visit after invoking wrath of City over EU 'takeover' plan. "I have a sudden headache."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Wikipedia Really Getting Detailed

Wikipedia ordered to reveal identity of 'editor' accused of blackmailing mother and child. Responds: Look It Up!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Wine Limited Further

Drink-drive limit may be cut to a single glass of wine. No limits, tests on meth.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Uchitel On Woods

Nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel to go pubic on relationship with Tiger Woods. "Since everybody else seems to be doing it."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Delta Changing Rules

Delta executive urges restraint on capacity as children over 12 no longer allowed to sit in laps.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Poe Book To Be Auctioned

Rare 1st Poe book could fetch record at NY auction but author lived in Poeverty.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Meat Disagreement

Paul McCartney takes Meat-Free Monday to EU. Riots break out in the streets of Paris.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Kayne Apologizes Once Again

Kayne again apologizes as Swift talks Grammy joy. "Swift looked so Lilliputian up there."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Pulitzer Prize Eyeing Skoob's Work

The Pulitzer Prize board announced Wednesday that it will open its doors wider to journalism entries from online-only news publications, especially British writer, Skoob.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

NBC Looking For Entertainment

Comcast aims to reshape entertainment with NBC. "There has GOT to be better shows than these out there somewhere", states CEO.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Thought Controlled Robotic Hand

Experts: Man controlled robotic hand with thoughts. Sent it crawling like a big white spider towards it's intended victim.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Carp Headed North

Fears mount over giant carp reaching Great Lakes and spooking "Bessie" at Grand Marais.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Get Out The Snowmobiles!

Ted Turner gets OK for Yellowstone bison on ranch. Big barbecue this winter.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Just In Case

Analysis: Afghanistan pullout date not definite. Factor in plus/minus 20 more years.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

"Attempted Murder?"

Fort Hood suspect charged with attempted murder. "Ripley's Believe It Or Not", did you hear this one?

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Doomed To Repeat

Analysis: Obama borrows Soviet's Afghan endgame. Two dozen countries before that.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

November Was Sluggish

Early retail reports suggest sluggish November, especially those on low-fiber diets, had too much tryptophan.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Mauresmo Retires

Former top-ranked tennis player Mauresmo retires to spend more time "playing a little golf".

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

New Health Poll

Most in the U.S. want pubic health option according to the latest poll.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Another Conference

Tiger Woods, John Daly to join President Obama at Fart Conference. No beer this time.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Admits "Failings"

Tiger Woods: 'Personal failings' (translated: screwing around) let family down.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

WalMart Settles Suit

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has agreed to pay $40 million to 87,500 Mass. employees who claimed the retailer denied them rest, piss breaks, meals breaks & refused overtime pay, pointed at them & laughed.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Grandfather: This Is Chucky, Baby!

Poll finds sexting common among young people. Older people studying hard in pretending to be young.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

The Mega-Tower Of Dubai

Dubai's mega-tower 'last hurrah' to age of excess. Now the people's language is gibberish to each other and they are scattering.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Shoes On Other Foot

Congress appears poised to back Obama war plan. Hillary, Reid, Pelosi..everyone who opposed and condemned George Bush war plan.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Obama's Job Conference

Obama rejoining economic debate with jobs summit. "I'd like to hire some White House, Senate and House jesters to cheer people up and get rid of this grim reality."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

We're Toast!

Bank of America says it will soon repay it's $45,000,000,000
federal bailout loan...using "Give-away" toasters instead of cash.

written by Adam Click, 03 December 2009
Rating:

ASPCA finds home for "Chelsea"

Chelsea, a mixed breed mutt from D.C., has been found a home by the ASPCA. A Mark Mezinsky saw the ad in the Pennysaver, and offered to take her in. He's promised to toss a bone to her sire, too.

written by Alexandria177, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Right To Defend Ourselves

The National Rife Association says they will not support the banning of the private ownership of dirty bombs.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Always Gets The Breaks

Oprah looking forward to retiring from daytime show purchases Dubai at a bargain.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Near Miss

Former president Bush says troops tried to catch Ben Laden early on by having everyone shave beards. Apparently Ben Ladin shaved his also.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Looking For Mash Pit!

"Buy Nothing" people out with others on Black Friday. "Oh, we don't buy. We just love rubbing on people, especially Joe."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

True Patroits!

Pardoned White House turkey headed for Afghanistan with 30,000 soldiers. First to volunteer after new lease on life!

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Buddhist Wise Man

Buddhist priest interviewed on PBS about philosophy of eating very little, replies. "We poor. I could eat a goat's ass just about now!"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Jobs For The USA

President Obama vows to bring jobs sent overseas back in the U.S. With government support, you want hear Indian men and women on your phone orders but a native Kentuckian's "Whut ya'll want?"

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Homeless: "We Don't Want Your Pity Charity"

The homeless are fed up with pity charity. Creepy Chris, a spokesman, asks instead that people simply throw their food and money in the trash so the homeless can root around for it with dignity.

written by Milo S. Thompson, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Man Breaks Lamp During Argument with Wife, Outraged Nation Demands Explanation

"If he didn't want to be in the publice eye, he never should have been born," said one political commentator, capturing the sentiments of the globe.

written by Milo S. Thompson, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Keep Obama Safe, Please

Vice President Joe Biden: "They say that everyone in this world has a double and the FBI just informed me that I have two in Florida."

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Cell Phone Crackdown

New theater seats automatically electrocute anyone who's cell phone rings during movie.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Putin On The Blitz

Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin announces that he may soon resign to spend more time before his mirror.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Eskimos Pissed

Snowmobile couple claims they were attacked by Eskimos while trying to study their mating habits.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Spoof Writer silent about Tiger

"It's inappropriate for me to confirm or deny my involvement with that hot hunk of asian dark meat right now", I said today. "I need to focus on my job, at least until weighing the tabloid offers."

written by Alexandria177, 03 December 2009
Rating:

There's A Limit!

Lady wearing thong at airport objects to being photoed by x-ray machine.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Holiday Tragedy

Tragedy has struck again, this time at a Mall in Wisconsin, where a fat Santa got up for a break and a kid was discovered in the crack of his ass.

written by Bureau, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Tattoo keeps man out of Air Force

A man was denied enlistment, simply for having "I fucked your camel while Allah watched" tattooed in Arabic on his arm. The swastika on his forehead and "Fuck Obama" on his chest didn't help either.

written by Alexandria177, 03 December 2009
Rating:

California charity claims robbery

Just in time to milk a lot more donations out of suckers, a charity claims that someone stole several tons of toys and food from them, without them noticing. They ask that you dig extra deep now.

written by Alexandria177, 03 December 2009
Rating:

Princess Ardala denies sleeping with Tiger

She says Buck Rogers is the only man for her and denies sleeping with Tigerman, her bodyguard best known for helping Buck escape her amorous clutches. Another Tiger, an Earthling, had no comment.

written by Alexandria177, 03 December 2009
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