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Rating:

What's That Glued Penis Guy's Name...

..."Did you say 'Seman'...oh come on now. What's that, 'Seaman'...really can't be, you're pulling my leg...oh 'Zieman', that's better, but it's German for 'Seman.' Poor guy just can't get a break!"

written by tlmedia, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Man Takes Wrong Pill

Minnesota man, mistakenly taking time capsule for sleeping pill, dreams he's throwing ape shit all night before awakening to mess.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

New Book Coming Out!

The man who wrote many of the speeches for President George W. Bush is now working on his memoirs. The title will be; "Great Writing But Bad Announciations".

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Did Obama Act Stupidly?

Poll: Did Obama act stupidly in his Gates arrest comments? No, say most, there was no 'acting' to it.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Konnie Huq Embarrassed

Konnie Huq has a moment of sheer embarrassment as her skirt rides up to show where her underwear would have been, had she been wearing any.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Oldest Aussie Graduate

94-Year-Old Australian woman becomes oldest to earn masters degree. Admits she spent 21 years as a keg-swilling freshman.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Italians Lambrusco-Aldi aannounced as new sponsors of Brit, Binge-Boozing!

Italiens Lambrusco and Aldi have become the new sponsors of Britains binge/booze boom. Main targets are U17 female binging bitches and their Grannies! Bella Italia, mucho Grazi!

written by Jaggedone, 04 August 2009
Rating:

£1 breaks $1. 70 barrier!

For the first time since October, the pound has broken through the $1.70 barrier. However, bankers say; "the pound is still worth over 6 billion Zimbabwean dollars and is gathering strength."

written by IN SEINE, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Big Margarine Recall

Margarine maker issues a big recall of all it's dairy products after three people come down with Blue Bonnet Plague.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Thompsons latest exclusive, last minute, holiday destinations!

Thompsons Holiday's are offering new, cut price, exotic resorts on French, German Motorways, if you can't beat the jams, then EN-JOIN-EM!

written by Jaggedone, 04 August 2009
Rating:

One Dangerous/ One Art

Gag Poster of Obama's face painted as The Joker branded 'dangerous and mean-spirited', but taxpayer moneyed Crucifix of Christ Hanging In Jar Full Of Urine in NYC Museum, 'Art'.


written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Ahmadinejad Back To #1

Re-elected Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recaptures title of the world's most insane leader by chewing off his little finger during acceptance speech.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Another Recall

Lippy's has announced the total recall of all its "I Can't Believe It's Not Carp" canned since 1979.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

New Baghdad Restaurant

A sign of better times in Baghdad as a new restaurant, "Daddy Bush's Big Boy" opens up at corner of Rubble & Vine.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Wattleburger Warned Again

New York City hot dog vendor, 300-pound Fatty Wattleburger, ordered to stop warming hot dogs between his big thighs.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Bubbleologist Creates Masterpiece; Let's hope he doesn't blow it!

'Bubbleologist' creates world's largest free-floating bubble for Guinness Book of Records. He hopes to blow the world's loudest free-floating fart!

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Ex-Presidents Busy

Bill Clinton arrived in North Korea on a surprise mission to bring home two jailed American journalists. Meanwhile Jimmy Carter pays surprise visit to women's bathroom at Atlanta airport.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

One In Five Students Failing English

One in five children failing in English as Sats results fall for first time in 15 years. Teachers blame immigrant students that haven't learned English as yet.


written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Brawn Using Brain

F1 boss Ross Brawn faces driving ban after being charged with speeding at 100mph, hoping to get caught for the free publicity.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Their Commercial: "Because...We Care"

Grieving mother fined £86 by crematorium for taking too long to say goodbye to dead baby boy. "We had bodies stacked and waiting", explains owner.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Harmon: Men Dislike Me

'Men dislike me because I won't take "How's it hanging?" for an answer,' says Harriet Harman as colleague brands feminist outbursts 'bonkers'

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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SKorea Police Raid

South Korean police commandos have stormed a car factory south of Seoul, trying to "drive out" hundreds of dismissed workers who have occupied it for weeks.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Victorian England Justice Different

Stealing from a rabbit warren may not sound like a major crime but in Victorian England they could land you with a hangman's noose around your neck. Also, women showing ankles were publicly whipped.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Cyber-Security Czar Resigns

The White House's acting cyber-security Czar has resigned from her post, according to the Wall Street Journal, after admitting she is a Chinese robot.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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US Tourists In Iran

Iran questioning US tourist trio. All three admit they are groupies after an opportunity to see that sexy Ahdmadinejad in person.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Ski Resorts Summer Activities

Ski resorts in summer are fun but not for skiing. Instead, customers are encouraged to roller blade, soap box derby down the slopes.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Democrats Want More Clunkers

Democrats trying for GOP support for clunker funds. Rep. leader Mitch McConnell: Democrats have enough clunkers over there already.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Plastic Patch In Pacific

Scientists studying huge plastic patch in Pacific say that most of it is from all the plastic surgery castoffs, castoff blow-up dolls.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Toyota: Big Quarterly Loss

Toyota reports $819 million quarterly loss. That's a total of 3,276,000 quarters.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
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Post Office Changes

Post office looks at changing hundreds of offices, new stamp tax stamps with Joker Obama pic on them.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

My Rugged Son, The Cheerleader

Cheerleading found to cause most serious sports injuries. Second is ass slapping, bumped heads during huddles.

written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Obama Orders Conversational Latin Taught In All Schools

"Look," said Mr. Obama," with Latinos swelling the ranks of our population, it's only fair we learn how to talk with them. When told they speak Spanish not Latin Obama said, Is there a difference?"

written by tlmedia, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Adam Lambert Withdraws Threat to "Suck Economy Dry"

Upon learning that "economy" is NOT the name of a well-publicized homosexual Egyptian man, Adam Lambert has withdrawn his threat to "suck it dry".

written by Agatha Bloom, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Python Rights Group Formed

Florida's Everglades are being overrun by Pythons. These very large snakes have attacked an infant, which has prompted their hunting. A Python Rights group has been formed, led by Monty Python.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 August 2009
Rating:

Congress Passes Taxpayers Rights Act

Congress has passed the USA Taxpayers Reform bill. Taxpayer organizations now have the right to collect a 25% tax on all illegal immigrant, animal, tree and environmental rights groups.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 August 2009
Rating:

San Francisco Braces for the Big One

Scientists predict next San Francisco earthquake is imminent. The causes have been determined to be far left wing liberal media bias and budget deficits putting pressure on the San Andreas Fault.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 August 2009
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