Spoof news snippets from Thursday 13 August 2009
Fidel Speaks English, Well Three Words.
Fidel Castro well enough for three hour English speech in Cuba yesterday, consisting of "Viva Revolution!" 6,000 times. Near the end it began to sound more like "Viagra Bring the Lotion".
Cheney Upset With Bush
Former VP Dick Cheney says that George Bush went against his requests in the last two years of his Presidency. "Plus I had a heart attack in his office and he gave me the Heimlich maneuver."
The Spoof Is Most Hated Website
For the second time in a row, The Spoof was ranked Most Hated Website Of All-Time beating contenders like Perez Hilton and CNN.
TheySimply Vanished
Human Rights Watch Report: Pentagon admits that it has somehow misplaced $1.5 Billion in new land mines.
Embarrassing For Everyone
GOP House Members propose "zero tolerance" legislation for leaks after the release of all those photos of the Beer Conference.
Also, First Pie In Face
The United States Senate's first food fight ever blamed on Al Franken.
And These Guys Will Bring Healthcare
The U.S. Postal Service has just entered "The Twilight Zone." as they mistakenly place Rod STEWART on one hundred thousand first class stamps.
Avoiding Those Shopping Traps
6 common shopping traps and how to avoid them: #1. You're cut off at both ends of the aisle by two people pretending to be blind.
Mechanics Suffer From Traded Clunkers
Neighborhood mechanics are worried the "cash for clunkers" program will cut into their business. "Just give these new ones a year to 18 months say dealers."
People Do Remember
Eunice Shriver was remembered at public wake Thursday afternoon as Eunice Kennedy Shriver.
Doc On "OCD"
Some obsessions, compulsions not part of OCD say docs. "You could just be nuts!"
Here I Am
Old Stoner brought before the judge at trial in Detroit for possession of drugs, pleads "Being".
Trying To Remember Woodstock
Through hazy memories, Woodstock still captivates. "It was hard to see through the rain, the mist and the heavy smoke", states one who thinks he was probably there.
We Won't Know It's Coming!
Without new funding, NASA will not meet its goal of tracking deadly asteroids, according to a report today from the National Academy of Sciences. "Another billion & at least we'd know what hit us!"
Healthcare Town Halls Continue
Health care town halls will press on, could get heated, as people arrive with extra shoes.
PCD No More!
The Pussycat Dolls broke up this afternoon... Sad! We'll tell you more soon.
Quade Dead At 71
Character actor John Quade dies at 71. "That John Quade", say friends, "What a character."
Mimes A Favorite With The Deaf, Flop With The Blind
A survey shows 98% of the deaf enjoy pantomimes while less than 1% of the blind do. "It's a puzzle," said mime/rapper Shhh Boy. I always have a stage sign explaining my moves, but they don't get it."
Pit Bull Association Donates First Seeing Eye Dog
The recipient,Donna Foonman of Plasticville,Iowa was thrilled to get "Fang" saying "He's so playful. I don't mind that he chewed off my fight arm because I'm left handed and he loves playing with it."
Jewel Heist
Britain's largest Jewellery heist was perpetrated just hours after Ronnie Biggs, perpetrator of Britain's largest mail robbery, was released from jail. Coincidence? Probably.
Hawaii Is Atlantis?
Polish scientist claims that the Lost Continent of Atlantis is Hawaii. When told that Hawaii was in the Pacific, replies, "That's how it became lost."
Spliff-a-day cure for stiff joints
Smoking just one joint a day stops the spread of osteoporosis, rheumatism, arthritis, dementia, alzheimers, and...other incurable stuff, man...
New Poll Results Out!
Latest Poll says 90% of the population say they are sick and tired of being called about their opinions, especially during meals.
Seniors Want "Morning After Pill"
US seniors and others ask FDA for approval of special "Morning After" election pill to deal with electing another Obama.
Owes Life To Biggles
Pilot owes his life to Biggles after crashing plane into a tree, then walking away. "Suddenly, he was right there in the cockpit, grinning at me."
Too Many Young Offenders Jailed
Critics say 'Too many' young offenders jailed. "In jail, they'll just learn new and better ways of killing people."
Stargazers: Best Show Ever!
Skygazers have observed a dazzling sky show, as the annual Perseid meteor shower reached its peak and "The Blue ETs" UFO's do fancy flying formations.
Hurricanes In Atlantic Increase
Hurricanes in the Atlantic are more frequent than at any time in the last 1,000 years, according to research just published in the journal Nature by long time author, Methuselah.
Just Can't Get Along
France and Germany exit recession. Now they're fighting over which country actually exited it first.
Thought It Was A Big Room
Nude drunk loses his way in hotel. Found taking a bath in the lobby's large fountain.
Emmys Presented Live
TV Academy: All Emmys to be presented live. Plus, to entice viewers, promise that there might be a "woman in bathroom stall" shot.
Number Of Foreclosures Jump
Foreclosures rise 7 percent in July from June. This is a good thing according to Democrat leaders in congress. "Remember, it must be if we say so."
Tallest Dog Dies
California dog dubbed tallest in world has died with "Abraham Lincoln's Disease".
Dr. E Meets Dr. K
Ezekiel Emanuel, Obama's 'Deadly Doctor,' Strikes Back! But first, holds long consultation with Dr. Kevorkian.
Chocolate Cuts Death Rate
Chocolate 'cuts death rate' in heart attack survivors. Add 2 glasses of wine a day and you're all set.
Cash Only Thing That's Green
Cash For Clunkers not going as expected as most trade clunkers for vans, Big SUV's and Hummers.
1947 UFO Crash Survivors
Survivors of the UFO crash in NM were taken to SF CA. The aliens, a species called the "loons" are from the far left of our Galaxy. A descendant ET is the Speaker of the US House of Representatives.
|
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | ||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||
Mailing List
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!