Attention Paris Hilton
Hey Paris, call up Heather Locklear as soon as possible...she needs your advice!
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"Green" Car Drivers Upset
Drivers of small fuel-efficient cars give the finger to passing nine-mile-per gallon ambulance high-speeding it down the highways with lights flashing.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
TV News Sends Finances Down The Tubes
Huge shortages reported of adult diapers as retirees panic from watching retirement accounts going down the tubes on the U.S. stock market.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Car Chase Receives Live Coverage
Seven dead and thirteen injured as ABC, MSNBC, CNN, CBS and FOX News Live helicopters giving live reports of a police car chase, collide.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Bush Asks For More
President George Bush asked congress for another one-hundred million dollars yesterday to bail out the Seattle Mariners.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Cheney Library Opens Next Year
The new V.P. Cheney Library will be opened in 2009 in Lincoln, Nebraska. Security will be heavy with photograph called for, but only a face shot.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Nostradamus Predictions True?
Enquirer: Nostradamus predicted today's world. "auld men, auld women shalt get thee diaper rash, an bush shall rule, an Kenyon shalt take Boston Runnings in re-cord time, another a prezidensy."
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Virus Warning
Norton AntiVirus 2009 warns that a deadly new computer varis ist be-in passed bi fak noos tories :0) (Gotcha!)
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Pasadena Parking Feud
A case in L.A. was thrown out of court when security tapes revealed that a huge biker really DID have the right to the parking space he was edged out of by an 88-year-old lady, giving him the finger.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Taser Fight
A taser fight between two students at high noon in Boulder, Colorado leaves two badly shaken, messy and stinking to high-heaven.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Pope Says Belief In UFO's No Sin
The Pope stated Sunday that it is no sin to believe in the existence of aliens and UFO's. Benedict XVI made the announcement in 37 different languages, including Klingon.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Obama Revelation
There was one surprise at last Friday night's McCain/Obama debate as Obama revealed that his firey, foul-mouthed pastor, Jeremiah Wright, has Tourettes.
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
Brit Lab Discovery
A British scientist at the Sanger Centre in Cambridge has announced that he has made an incredible discovery of a rival scientist hiding under his laboratory table
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written by
Bureau, 29 September 2008
U.S. stock market falls, can't get up.
McCain suggests market be "humanely put down".
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Shang-a-lang revisited
Seventies supergroup, The Bay City Rollers are to reform under the new name The Obesity Rollers
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Geologists find rocks older than those discovered in Canada
The rocks, aged 4.98bn years, are between John McCain's legs. "Mine are so old I haven't gotten them off since the Mesozoic," said the Senator.
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Tina Fey to reprise Sarah Palin role from Saturday Night Live
Actress will be temporary Alaskan Governor until election is decided.
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Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band to play at Super Bowl
No word yet on opponent, though Dallas Cowboys are Las Vegas favorites.
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Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds wed in private ceremony
In the prenuptial agreement, he gets the famous see-through pink panties from "Lost in Translation."
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Heath Ledger's daughter to inherit 16.3 million dollar estate
Challenges the late Anna Nicole's daughter as world's richest, non potty trained Hollywood starlet
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Venezuelan Dictator Hugo Chavez says his country will develop Nuclear energy
"Yust as soon as I learns how to pronounciate de word!"
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Beauty contest postponed
Would-be beauty queens in Nepal have expressed their disappointment after the postponement of the beauty contest for the sixth time this year. Who wants to be called 'Miss Nipple?' they said.
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Keira Knightley vs. Kate Hudson
Keira Knightley and Kate Hudson had a contest to see which one had the bigger boobs...both lost.
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