Spoof news snippets from Monday 22 September 2008
The Great Taco
Spanish matador Taco De Las Fajitas was suspended during last Sunday's bullfight at Barcelona's Casa del Bull Bullring when he seized the bull by the horns (a definite cliche violation).
Non-Spin-Offs
Product Spin-Offs That Didn't: Heinz 58, N & N's, Eight-Up, and Jill-in-the-Box.
Los Angeles Angels
The city of Los Angeles has literally hundreds of different religious groups and churches. The latest one is The Church of Latter Day Directors.
A 97-Year-Old Spoon-Wielding Woman
An old, grouchy, cantankerous 97-year-old spoon-wielding woman recently walked into a Walgreens Drugstore in Boston and and gave the pharmacist a dose of his own medicine.
Loose Lips Music Magazine
Dublin based Loose Lips Music Magazine is putting out an exclusive story that states that the rocks bands Foreigner, Journey, and Survivor were actually the same band.
Medical Breakthrough
Medical Scientists have now discovered that what was an old wives' tale actually works. If you cut yourself, they recommend that you should rub thyme into the cut, because thyme heals all wounds.
Hilliary on Economy: "We'll be Fine...
....I don't know about the rest of you, but Bill and I are quite comfortable. Thanks for asking!"
The Card Killer
A man in Dudley has been charged with murder; he is alleged to have been playing poker with Tarot Cards and all five fellow players died.
Union Bans Texting
Pacific Coast Marine's Fireman's Union bans texting while carrying a firehose and attempting to put out a fire.
Department of Education knows best!
The Department of Education has decreed that every teenager should get a High school education. Even if they already know everything.
Muscian Bailout
Willie Nelson, Neil Young and John Mellencamp say they will do a fundraising concert on national television to help bail out the U.S. economy. "Bank Aid" will be aired sometimes in November.
Prostitute Pretence
The National Union of Prostitutes has decreed that if they are paid in fake £1 coins, then it is only fair that they should be able to fake orgasms.
Fake £1 coins
According to the UK Treasury, every 1 in 50 £1 coins are fakes. Mark Lowton is not affected as he never carries more than £49 in cash.
Sewer Worker May Strike
In New Jersey this morning, Sewer Workers Labor Union Local #144, raised a big stink over the wording of their latest city contract.
Luke McCoy Arrested
Luke McCoy of Morgantown, West Virginia has been arrested for the twelfth time this year by Deputy Bo Hatfield Sunday, for obscene hog-calling.
Papa John's New Pizza
Papa John's Pizza to introduce their new "Big & Meaty Enough To Choke Mama Cass To Death Again" Pizzerilla next "Monday, Monday".
George Bush Sr. worried about negative reaction to son George W.
Ex. President George Bush Sr, has ordered a state of the art incoming Safety Shield, to be put on the grounds of the Crawford Ranch in Texas. There has been no comment from the White House yet.
Two-Buck Chuck Doubles Price
Two-Buck Chuck Wine is now up to $4.00 a bottle after last week's run on liquor stores by people panicked over the state of the U.S. economy.
Ancient Ants Discovered
Scientists in the Amazon report that they have discovered the bodies of ants that roamed the earth 120 million years ago. Their bodies were located near an ancient Neanderthal picnic area.
Surgeons May Be Reprimanded
A team of brain surgeons in California have been accused of making a man on the operating table crow like a chicken by touching a certain area of his brain with a scalpel.
McCain comment caught when he thought his microphone was off
Brains/Pains.. I picked her because she was HOT! I kept seeing her as a pole dancer. She also had that oh so wholesome look. How did I know she didn't
know 5th grade geography! Damn!
Fat Study
A report last week shows that Mississippi is America's fattest state, Colorada is it's thinnest and Texas was ranked first once again as most full-of-shit.
FDA Lifts Ban
Roadkill in Bell Buckle, Tennessee has been cloned after the FDA decided to lift it's ban on engineered animals for consumption.
Rush Limbaugh's Medical News
Talk radio's Rush Limbaugh has entered Cleveland's St. Gift of Gab Hospital where he will undergo a much needed ego removal operation. His maid, Socorro, said that it's Limbaugh's third egoectomy.
Independent film makers offer Sarah Palin lead in 'Fargo2'
The Coen Brothers's of "Fargo" fame have offered Sara Palin the lead in "Fargo2". They feel she would be a natural. The Palin camp has not responded as of yet.
Bill Gates Latest Purchase
Microsoft's Bill Gates has agreed to purchase the Pacific Ocean. His business manager stated that Gates has promised everyone that he will keep the cost of using it reasonable.
McCain Still Computer Illiterate
John McCain's pledge to get online got off to a ROCKY start as he inadvertently crashed both his own computer and that of Sylvester Stallone.
Wiltshire tourist board accused of faking Stonehenge
Archaeologists have pinpointed the construction of Stonehenge to 1965. The clue was in the concrete building materials. Wiltshire tourism say "We had a good run. I hope the pagans aren't too mad."
Witch arrested following potion discovery
A 27 year old woman from Islington has been found in possession of 17 different types of magic potion. Potions included "Calm," "Clarity," "Sleep Easy" and "Roibos." Each had been dried and bagged.
"Rocky" - The Never-Ending Sequels
Sylvester Stallone finishes filming "Rocky 16." Vows that he will probably stop at "Rocky 21."
Schwartzmeister, Ohio
Documents have been found in Peru that prove that America was not discovered by Christopher Columbus but instead by Bernie 'Shy Guy' Schwartzmeister, III, a great sailor who hated to talk.
San Diego Football
Only in California would someone name a professional football team after credit card users...The San Diego Chargers.
60 Minutes reporter asks John McCain how he and George Bush are different
"Well, I went to war when he skipped out on reserves duty, I flew my fighter when he doctored papers on his, and I was in the Hanoi Hilton while he was doing some relative of Paris Hilton."
The New Testament teaches that when Jesus cast out a Legion of Demons, they entered into a group of pigs
Proving that a Jew was responsible for the creation of Deviled Ham.
|
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | ||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
Mailing List
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!