Hounddog, a movie about the rape of a 12 year old girl, finally comes to theaters after almost two years
"I don't understand all of the controversy about how exposing me to this type of scene should turn me off to sex," said young star Dakota Fanning from her maternity ward bedroom.
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Richard Gere spotted buying mouse traps at local hardware store
No word if he has a rodent infestation in his home, or if he's just trying to catch escaping gerbils.
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Katie Holmes, wife of Tom Cruise, makes Broadway debut
Said one reviewer, "The special effects in this performance were so good you almost couldn't see her leash."
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Heather Mills Donates $1 Million Dollars in Vegan food to New York Homeless
Gift from Paul McCartney's Ex rejected as they prefer dumpster diving, sewer rats, and soup kitchens to eating Soy Burgers.
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Second Space Shuttle readied in case rescue mission needed
What happens if something goes wrong with that one too?
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Texas recovers from Ike hitting Galveston
Tina Turner says "Now you know what I used to feel like when he beat me up!"
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Obama, who said U.S. has 57 states, is asked to identify the extra 7
"Well, when I watch college sports, I see Boise State, East Carolina, Wichita State, Western Michigan, Weber State, Northern Arizona, and South Florida. You can't tell me they don't exist!"
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Age Is Just A Number
"My rich lovely wife Cindy is so darn good-looking she doesn't look a day over 57." -John McCain
(Actually, Cindy is 54)
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New Saudi Law
Saudi Arabia has passed a new law prohibing women from wearing too tight headware around her face and blatantly showing off her dimples.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Joe Biden Getting Pushy
Joe Biden tapped a reporter on the chest, Saturday saying "You need to work on your pecs". The reporter responded by pecking several hair implants off Biden's head.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Medication Recalled
The U.S. Food And Drug Administration has announced that the new Couch-Potato Syndrome medication from Bayer is mostly caffeine and is being recalled.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Huge Studio Fire
The filming of the Jerry Springer Special with Jeremiah Wright, Michael Richards and David Duke has been canceled after the Mother-of-all-Studio fires!
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Obama Shocked
Presidential hopeful Barack Obama received a shock yesterday when a Mormon researcher told him that John McCain's Aunt Clara was Obama's great, great, great, great great grandmother.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Surprise naming
Dennis Hopper has named his latest child Space.
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Space Hoppers
Astronauts have taken a load of Space Hoppers into the furthest reaches of space. Due to the lack of gravity, they do not actually work.
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What's up Doc?
A cartoon Character died today, after having his parachute replaced by an Anvil. The Police have arrested a somewhat sarcastic rabbit.
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Wrecks Near Channel
There was a major pile-up near the Channel Tunnel this morning as some idiot coyote had painted a fake entrance in a near-by hill. Beep! Beep!
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Palin Explains Sons Odd Behavior
Sarah Palin has admitted that her son is a cannibal. "You know how kids are in those difficult teenage years", Palin told George Stephanopoulas on ABC Evening News Saturday.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Tin Tin
Boy Detective Tin Tin has revealed that he was christened in a very echoey cave, and his name is actually just Tin.
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Good Life
Tom and Barbara Good, real-life inspiration for the chuckle fest The Good Life are set to sue for the BBC for the way in which they were portrayed.
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Housing Problem Hitting Wealthy Hardest
Poor housing investments are hitting the wealthy the hardest, reveals the New York Times. "Some are having to live out of their stretch limousines", stated the article.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Gore's New Movie
A new Al Gore movie is in the works that will show global warming's effects on witches tits, welldigger's ass and brass monkey balls.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Ron Paul Announcement
Presidential candidate Ron Paul announced this morning that he may run as an Independent on the "Party" Party ticket in November.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
More budget airline changes forecast
The UK 'No Frills' airline 'GO' is to be renamed 'GONE'.
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Vehicle Hi-Jacked
Police in New Jersey say that a vehicle bringing a new version of "Grand Theft Auto" has disappeared and believed to have been hi-jacked.
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written by
Bureau, 20 September 2008
Scentific discovery
Scientists have discovered seven days without sleep make one weak.
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Cher to be cloned
Scientists are to clone singer/actress Cher. To tell them apart, they are to be called 'Cher and Cher alike'.
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Il not ill?
A North Korean official said that Kim Jong Il isn't ill. He said "The comments were Il-l-timed, Il-l-considered, and were meant to do damage to our Il-l-ustrious & Il-l-uminating Leader."
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written by
PP Rega, 20 September 2008
