Term Limits Imposed on Rangel and His Car by Capitol Police!
"Good God,man,"an official said, "you can't just park your butt, take up space for 36 years, and expect taxpayers to pick up the tab!" Ole Charlie Wrangel just smiled "Must be my ethics," he purred!
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written by
Morse, 19 September 2008
Football Poll
A new poll reveals more fans would prefer watching football with Obama than McCain. However, both left far behind compared to watching football with Mrs. McCain, whose family owns Budweiser.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
O.J. Jury Journeys
The jury at the O.J.Simpson trial who were taken on an unannounced trip to Las Vegas hotel yesterday were furnished with new shirts to wear back to courtroom.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Nashville Outa Gas
Some Nashville, Tennessee service stations report that they're out of gas, delaying wives from running off with best friends.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Obama In Philly
Barack Obama told supporters in Philadelphia Wednesday that John McCain's oil strategy was only a SHELL game.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Republicans Excited About November Election
A spokesman for John McCain says the republicans are all stirred up and ready for November. "This will be the first time in eight years they won't have to vote for George Bush."
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
NYC Food Maker Recalls Meat
"Yep, as I recall, there were some mighty fine steaks back in the eary 1960's, nice and firm and really tender plus they didn't cost you an arm and a leg."
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Visionary Program
A study by The Vital Visionary Program reveals that four out of five Visionaries are using visionary-enhancing substances.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
King On PBS
A spokesman for Larry King told reporters that Larry will be doing a special series for PBS beginning this winter called, "This Old Fart".
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Gutted
A woman had her home compulsorily purchased by the council and earmarked for demolition. However, she agreed to buy it, but returned from holiday only to find it stripped. "I feel gutted" she said.
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More Woes for Charlie: Benz Towed!
Wrangel's problems continued after capitol police cited him for illegally parking and driving his unregistered 1972 Mercedes for 36 years. Charlie said he didn't know HE needed a license!
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written by
Morse, 19 September 2008
Report Of Animal Abuse
In Selma, Alabama the ASPCA reports that they had to have police officers forcibly remove a five-year-old tabby from a house containing some 57 old ladies.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Edward Reacts to "Truth is Big Hurdle" comment from Wife!
"I'm willing to jump anything that will stand still long enough to prove I've still got it" he grinned impishly.
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written by
Morse, 19 September 2008
McCain To Release Medical Reports
The presidential race is heating up. John McCain has said that he will release his medical records just as soon as the French manage to locate Louis Pasteur's medical reports from 1869.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Obama Loses Control, Fatua Slips Out at News Conference!
Aides opened all the windows while roomed cleared.. Only NBC staffers remained BEHIND as usual. Fox News said "it was a REAL WMD!" and would take more than an apology to "Clear the Air."
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written by
Morse, 19 September 2008
East River Pollution Up
A report out of New York City claims they have concrete evidence that the metal in Mafia victims teeth has raised the mercury levels in the East River nearly 50%.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Lohan Condemns Palin
Lindsey Lohan is speaking out against Sarah Palin. So is Nicole Richey, Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson -all key members of the political block, "Celebretards of America".
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Man Finally Leaves Home
In Chicago yesterday, the parents of a 42-year-old left their son on the steps of an orphanage with his computer, TV remote and some cheese whiz.
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written by
Bureau, 19 September 2008
Odd shapes
Strange rectangular shapes have appeared overnight in a Berkshire field. Local people say they are probably just crap circles.
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Afghans NOT to blame
A leaflet that claims Afghans are "almost exclusively responsible" for the manufacture and sale of heroin, 95% of which, comes from the Afghan/Pakistan area is NOT true. Heroin comes from poppies!
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Obama takes lead in Polls
When asked why he said, the American people don't want a pig or midget running the White House.
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The Delaware Kid
"Hey everybody, remember me?"
-Joe Biden
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Flat City
"My training bra did not work."
-Keira Knightley
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