A Charming Fellow
Snake charmer arrested. As police lead him off he can be heard saying, "Hey snakey, you sure are pretty," and "My gosh, you've got some beautiful snake eyes."
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That's a Bunch of Hocus Pocus
A magician was arrested for disorderly conduct. He was handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car. One of the officers heard him utter the words 'hocus pocus' and poof he disappeared.
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Fast Food
A fast food chain in Kentucky was fined because customers were complaining that the food was slow.
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Home split
A rowing couple in Cambodia give new meaning to "broken home" by sawing their home in half to avoid the divorce courts. Damien Hurst is very interested in the property.
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Watch Out! Watch Out! Skype Spies are about!
People who use skype are being warned that they are monitored if they mention anything vaguely anti-Chinese, like Tibet.
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Be Merciful
Fed up with the current, 2-party system, a new politcal party is being formed; NAME: The Pity Party MOTTO:... C'mon, we never win anything. Vote for us once, please?
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Racing Latest:
In a Scandinavian race, the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line.
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'Guys and Dolls'
Actor Oliver Platt will star in the Broadway production of 'Guys and Dolls.' He will portray one of the 'Guys.'
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McCain's 'Fightin'' Words
The rock band, The Foo Fighters has said that they want John McCain to stop using their song 'My Hero' in his campaign...McCain reportedly replied, "Make me my friends, make me!"
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Beverly Hills Landfill
Hugh Hefner has broken up with one of his girlfriends. He says that he has been down in the dumps. It sounds like a rather strange place for him to be looking for another girlfriend.
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Meltdown
Person in the park who left the cake out in the rain the first person eliminated from this year's MacArthur Genius Awards.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
No Slang Names
Little Barack Sambo and Pillsbury Dough Boy object to news reports using slang terms for their names in the press. The press deny it.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Tommy Cooper Back from the dead
The previously assumed dead comedy magician, Tommy Cooper (63), made a shock return to the Royal Variety Performance this year. When asked how he returned from the dead, he replied: "Just like that!"
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written by
IainB, 09 October 2008
PBS To Show Recount
PBS to do week-long fundraiser by showing hour-by-hour, day-by-day week-long 2000 Presidential recount in the state of Florida.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Consumer Report
While the price of gas has somewhat stabilized of late, Consumer Watch reports that the cost of metal detectors, beans and hard tack have nearly doubled.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Happy Halloween
FDA warns parents that this year's Halloween apples could contain razorblades or needles and candy could contain Melamine, plus some masks contain leaded paint. Otherwise, have a wonderful Halloween!
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Nader Fundraiser
A lonely Ralph Nader raised $10,000 from his Ten-Thousand-Dollar A Plate fundraiser last night in New York City.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Painting Recalled
German artist Gerhard Richter's masterpiece, "Joy Of Life" has been recalled from the museum after lead has been discovered in the paint.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Virgin Airlines Update
Virgin Airlines has just announced that there will be an extra $25 surcharge on each flyer who joins the Mile-High Club.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Better Prepared
President Bush, asked by reporters yesterday if the country was headed for another Great Depression, replied "If so, we're much better prepared this time, with all the generic xanax and valium."
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Cheney Back At White House
Vice-President Cheney says he has abandoned his Unknown Location because it has become haunted by the ghost of Saddam Hussein, constantly screaming, "Where are my virgins?"
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Genome Mapping Complete
The genome mapping of the duckbilled platypus has been completed, revealing a mixture of reptile, mammal, bird and Michael Jackson.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
ASPCA Announcement
The ASPCA proudly announced early this morning that Timberwolf turds can now be taken off the endangered feces list.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Psychic News
Well-known psychic, Elizabeth Joyce, claims that the late Johnny Carson is still awaiting Ed McMahon to come and introduce him to Saint Peter.
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written by
Bureau, 09 October 2008
Japanese wins Nobel prize
Izuzu Moto won the Nobel prize for inventing a gene to make small penises visible in the dark. He hopes it will help Japan's birth rate.
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Election gets dirty
Michelle Obama, calls Cindy McCain a dumb "cunt" and Cindy fires back by calling Michelle a "Ho".
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Election gets dirty
John McCain accuses Obama of trying to steal his wallet at the debate. Obama fired back by calling McCain a lying Cracker.
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