Russian Stock Market Tanks, Causes Run on Bidets!
Kohler Corp.says it can't keep up with Russian demand for their top of the line bidets. Local plumber Boris Dumpinsky says: Da! wash potatoes, crush, make vodka, tastes like piss, forget about Putin!
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written by
Morse, 05 October 2008
Is it McCain or McSame?
Republican Karl Rove says that if the election were held today that Barack Obama would win...McCain desperately says, "My friends let me remind you, I was a POW for five and a half years!"
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Jamie Oliver reveals new Northern Delicacy
Jamie Oliver, the new minister of food has said that "thickos" is a Northern dish similar to black pudding and not people from Rotherham.
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The Busy, Busy Russians
Russian troops are reportedly dismantling posts in Georgia. Russian spokesman says next they will concentrate on dismantling poles in Alabama.
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Palin urges U.S. Evangelicals to Join The Taliban...
...along with Israel's Ultra-Orthodox "Modesty Squads" in the persecution of women. Vows to clean up the world "one religion at a time".
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Homeland Security Warning
Homeland Security has warned Americans this morning to put that thing away before somebody gets an eye put out.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Bank Takeover
As a result of the current bad economy, the First Third Bank has bought out two-thirds of the Third First Banks on First and Third Street.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Mr. Moose Denies Involvement
Mr. Moose of the old Captain Kangeroo Clubhouse denies dropping all those ping-pong balls on VP Candidate Joe Biden Thursday night, although Moose was seen later at a nightclub with Palin.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Obese Protest
Dozens of older obese people have showed up stark naked in downtown Montgomery, Alabama to protest the high cost of oversized underwear. Although no one was injured, several policemen got the heaves.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Crossville Runners
Apparently, for no reason at all, thousands have fled Crossville, Tennessee. "I just saw some others doing it and didn't want to get caught by whatever was chasing them", stated one puffing runner.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Fugitive Finally Found
The oldest gorilla at the San Diego Zoo, which died of a heart attack Saturday, has turned out to be a disguised fugitive "Weatherman" Marc Rudd, from the 1960s.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
A.A. To Charge More
American Airlines, down 10% in number of passengers, has decided to charge $25 extra for every Old Bag that comes aboard.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Bush Supporting McCain/Palin Ticket
President Bush says he hopes the McCain/Palin ticket wins in November because an early withdrawal from Iraq would be prove to be claustrophobic!
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Americans Planning Ahead
Report: Lots of Americans are stocking up between now and December 31st for planned 2009 New Year's weight resolutions.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Nominee's Learning Spanish Before Trip
Both democrat presidential candidate, Barack Obama and republican VP nominee, Sarah Palin have began taking classes to learn Spanish before heading out to Brazil.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
Next Debate Scheduled
After the Presidential debates and VP debate last Thursday, the next debate will be between the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and a snake-handling preacher from east Tennessee.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
More Home Loan Failures
Report: Nearly one out of four people who defaulted on their million dollar home loans had listed "food stamps" as part of their monthly income.
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written by
Bureau, 05 October 2008
That's a Lot of Pumpkin Pies!
Jake Van Kooten's 1,500 lb. pumpkin was named the largest in California. He won $9,000 and was asked what he planned on doing with the cash, he replied, "I'm gonna get my aching back fixed!"
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The Cher & Madonna Tour
Cher and Madonna will be teaming up for a concert tour. The tour is being hailed as 'The Tattoos, Tummy Tucks, Botox, & Cellulite Tour.'
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