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Rating:

Can They Maybe Next Time Take The Bus

Sarah Palin charged the Alaskan taxpayers $21,012 for 76 airline tickets for her little girls. When asked about it Palin replied, "Well...that's just one of the perks of being 'The Alaskan Queen.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Osbourne Innocent

Ozzy Osbourne said "I don't know any f***ing Russian billionaire and I got enough money meself so whoever told you this bollox is a f***ing lying b*stard."
<shouts> "Sharon where's that F***ing tea?"

written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2008
Rating:

So That's How Custer Felt

The McCain campaign is concerned that the cavalry just ain't coming. 'Snowflake Sarah' Palin remarked, "Ya know, I think what probably happened is that they turned left at Detroit."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

For Sale: One Chinese Fire Drill

Wal-Mart sets new rules for Chinese suppliers: Don't send any more 'Glow-in-The-Dark Rice' or Chinese checkers made from cat balls. And we are returning all unsold jalapeno-flavored chop sticks.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Hey Vito, Is That Your Toilet Ringing?

Texas prison officials are upset that many inmates have cell phones; a direct prison violation. One warden first became suspicious when the pizza delivery guy was showing up five or six times a day.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

The Ball and Chain Vote

Maine and Vermont are the only two states that allow prisoners to vote. Maine has three inmates and Vermont has one. Billy, Flodell, and Spike are voting for Obama, Sal is voting for Pamela Anderson.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Very Litttle Helps!

A naked man found stuck up a chimney in a Tesco supermarket told police today that he was not going to burgle the shop but that he was dyslexic and he thought their slogan was: "Very Little Helps".

written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Sarkozy and Bruni Dolls

Publishers K&B have issued 20,000 voodoo dolls of Nicolas Sarkozy that you can stick pins in. They also produce a Carla Bruni inflatable doll and if you stick pins in that she'll go down on you!

written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Grandma Sick

Barack Obama has decided to take a few days off from campaigning to visit his sick grandmother. Meanwhile, John McCain plans to spend still another day visiting his ailing campaign.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Offerings To Al

Since heating oil prices are scheduled to go up as much as gas prices this winter, thousands of consumers are planning to take a pilgrimage next month to make sacrificial offerings to Al Gore.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Spreading The Wealth

All the major U.S. polls still say the presidential race will be decided by the undecided voters, most apparently awaiting Obama's "Spreading the wealth around a bit".

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Barney Traced

Geologists say they have discovered prehistoric animal tracks so packed on a 3/4-acre site that they're calling it a 'dinosaur dance floor.'"We believe these to be Barney's ancesters", stated one.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Crop Circle

A Texas farmer told reporters yesterday that what they were seeing in his field was the first known hendecagon crop circle. The farm is located only three miles from MENSA Headquarters in Arlington.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Butt Breakthrough

South Korean Scientist Kim Chin Hwa announced this morning that they have cloned the world's first non-butt-sniffing dog.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

The Alaskan Taxpapers Are So Nice (and Soooo Generous)

Gov. Palin rented a room at New York City's Essex House for four nights at $707.29 a night. Bristol asked, "Mommy can we see Alaska from here?" Palin answered, "No honey, Central Park is in the way."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

3,2,1, Liftoff!

India launches it's first unmanned moon rocket. It's neighbor Bangladesh says it hopes to also launch it's first moon rocket just as soon as it can find a nice, affordable used one to buy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Do You Accept Visa?

The United States owes The Republic of China $500 billion. China states, "And this time you're not paying us back in ribeyes, fajitas, and M&M's."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

The Emperor Sticks His Cowboy Boot In His Mouth Again

President Bush says the US has to help poor nations. What??? Ahhhh look around Georgy boy because thanks to you and your GOPals WE are now one of those 'poor' nations.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

I Left My Heart (and $$$) In San Francisco

San Francisco citizens will vote next month on a bill that would decriminalize prostitution.. politicians from all over the country are busily booking flights to San FrancisHo.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

ASPCA Warning

A spokesman for the ASPCA reported that a record number of Pet Chias, nearly 15,000, had to be put down last year and asks people to be more responsible in their gift giving this year.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Yanni To The Rescue

Rescuers report that those eight people stuck on a New York City elevator for five hours did fine once some Yanni music was piped in and put them all to sleep.

written by Bureau, 22 October 2008
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