Cleric: Replace capitalism with Islamic financial system
Basically, he explained that if there is a problem with a bank, you don't bail it out, you take it out - by flying a jetliner into it. Note: Sharia law prescribes principal bank owners be aboard.
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President Bush has private meeting with Cheney:
Taped: "Dang Dick, 100 more days seems like forever to me. I want out now! Well, I cancelled the Iran incursion, and the Venezuelan Coup. No siree! 100 days thats it! Not one day more!"
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Acorn Announces Plans to Register More Black Bears in Alaska!
David Duke sez: won't work-- too cold, they can't swim, bloods too thin, and they'd rather eat from a condo dumpster than earn their own food....but if they can dance......."
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written by
Morse, 12 October 2008
Kate Moss Figure stolen
'Siren', a 50kg solid gold statue of model Kate Moss has been stolen today from the British Museum, in London. Police suspect the statue was taken by ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty.
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Queen to sell Buckingham palace
Queen Elizabeth has announced that she will sell Buckingham Palace in order to raise money for Government when the financial crisis completes its rout. Any chance she might sell Prince Phillip?
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Saddam Not Answering
Psychics all over the world say they're having trouble getting into contact and channeling Saddam Hussein, because he always hangs up.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
2009 Hurricane Prediction
Researchers at Colorado Weather Center have already determined that at least nine major hurricanes will form in the Gulf and Atlantic in 2009, zero to hit Colorado.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
VP Stand-In Discovered
It has now been reported that while Sarah Palin was practicing for the VP Debate in Arizona, standing in for the part of Joe Biden was one Pluggo the Clown.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
Peacekeepers Doing "Heckova Job"
On the African continent, it was reported that United Nations Peacekeepers had killed another 35 people in the Congo.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
Fortune Just A Little Off
After having a gypsy fortune teller tell him he is about to meet a gorgeous gal named Iris, local loser John Plelps of Utah gets a surprise visit from a blond auditor from the IRS.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
Free Soup
Thousands of service stations around the United States have began giving out a free bowl of soup with every gasoline fillup.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
DC Rally Planned
Thousands of women plan to come to a rally in Washington, DC this week to demand that a woman be finally elected as the head of "The Old Boy Network".
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
Obama Takes A Hit
Obama says there's nothing to the accusation of his being friends with 1960's radical, Bill Ayers. Then, to prove his point, Ayers came out of the crowd and hit him in the face with a cream pie.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
G-7 United
President Bush says the G-7 conference will ease the economic crisis. "We're standing shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder on this one."
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
Faking It
Over 4,000 "dead people" have been found on voter rolls in Houston as voting officials suspect fake voter registration.
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written by
Bureau, 12 October 2008
Palin picked to appeal to lowest common denominator...
..but the lowest, common demon ate her.
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Dalai Lama Has Gallstones Removed!
Researchers believe that Gallstones can be caused by a lifetime of meditation...
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written by
Pointer, 12 October 2008
A Little Bit of That Crawford, Texas Cipherin'
President Bush raised $2 million in Florida and South Carolina. He stated that after he is reimbursed for motel room, meals, and gas money, he will turn over about $1 million to the GOP Committee.
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The Most Famous Hockey Mom in The Lower 48
Governor Sarah Palin dropped the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers - New York Rangers game. But hey no problem, one of her aides quickly picked it right up.
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Only 100 'Invading' Days Left
President Bush is down to his last 100 days in office. But he says not to expect him to quietly fade into the Texas night. About 100 million Americans could be heard saying "Damnit!!!"
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That Sure is One Smart Cuban Cookie
Fidel Castro says that racism exists in the United States. He later says, "KFC serves chicken, and The Rocky Mountains are real high."
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For Sale: No Money Down
A Connecticut woman charged with reckless endangerment when she served marijuana-tainted cake to her real estate agent. Authorities first became suspicious when the agent sold her a house for $18.
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McCain Makes An Oak Out of ACORN!
John McCain's Republicans are purging voters' registries in swing states at a blinding rate. His complaints about ACORN are turning a molehill into a mountain!
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written by
Pointer, 12 October 2008
The King's Princess
Lisa Marie Presley gave birth to twin girls. One baby weighed 5 lbs. 15 ozs. and the other one weighed 5 lbs. 2 ozs. The twins are absolutely beautiful...and so are the babies.
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