New Harry Potter Book In the Works
J.K. Rowling has reacted to the economic crises by announcing that she will add another book to the famed series. Rowling commented by stating, "AIG was not the best stock option."
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written by
Wesley, 10 October 2008
Angry mob throw bricks at Iceland
An angry mob began throwing bricks at UK food store, Iceland, branch in Huddersfield. They blame the store for freezing their bank accounts. The mob had a frosty reception from managers today.
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Iceland awaits global warming
Iceland eagerly awaits global warming so that at least its banks will unfreeze their accounts.
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Smutty
The iconic Puppet, Sooty, who appeared with friends, Sweep the dog and Sue the panda has an evil twin called Smutty. He always made lewd suggestions as to what he would like to do to Sue.
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Sooty to be sold
One of the original Sooty puppets set to go under the hammer, today, but do not fear little children, he will be wearing a crash helmet.
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Strike Three!
US Government bails out Mortgage Giants. Bush says, "I missed that one, I thought they were still playing in San Francisco...oh well, say hi to the '3M Boys,' Mays, McCovey, and Marichal.
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Warren Buffet - aka 'Numero Uno'
Buffet has passed Bill Gates on the Forbes 400 List. He's worth $58 billion, Gates only worth $55.5 billion. Gates says he will have to sell off Lake Michigan, The Pacific Ocean, and Seattle.
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Hurricane Norbert(o)
A hurricane warning has been issued for the west coast of Baja California, Mexico. The advisory simply read: "Norbert is coming - Let's Vamoose!!!"
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Alpha Beta Ouch!
The financial meltdown has now reached the collegiate ivory towers...sadly turning them into rivers of liquid ivory.
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There Are a Lot of Sad Snowmen In Alaska
Snowballing sell off gains momentum throughout the world. Alaskan authorities report that in just one day they managed to sell a record 16 million snowballs.
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Happy Birthday Vladi!
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin received a baby tiger for his 56th birthday. He replied, "It is the very first time that I've ever received a birthday present that opened itself."
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Shark "virgin birth" confirmed by scientists
Independent research could not confirm that the shark pup walked across the Indian Ocean as the seawater suddenly changed to wine and the reporters were to drunk to work.
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Governor Palin: "Next Question?"
Gov. Palin was asked about the 'Troopergate' controversy and replied, "Okay guys, let me go ahead and clear that scandal up once and for all...what happens in Alaska, stays in Alaska."
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Chant Monks
China accused Tibetan monks yesterday of synchronized chants from a mountain retreat that has led over 1,000 of it's troops to totally crack up.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
New Stamp
The U.S. Post Office has announced the printing of a new commemorative stamp that will feature their first commemorative stamp.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
ABC Bolcks
Report: Playing with ABC Blocks helps a child to develop language skills, while playing with ABC Bricks help to develop even more colorful language skills.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
First Case of SIDS
88-year-old Mary Jane Elderberry of Springfield, Mass. became the first known case of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome during her second childhood.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
Trouble Again In Caribbean
Haitian President Rene Preval called for calm in his island nation but told reporters privately, "This is the worst crisis we've had here in six weeks."
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
No Longer Helping Out
Expert parachutist Jerome Slaughter says he'll never help another octogenarain jump out of a plane piggy-back style. It may be HIS dream but it's not mine when he shits his pants and mine too."
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
Nader's Hopes
Ralph Nader's hopes for the presidency rely heavily upon a large turn-out of tree-sitters, Prius owners and those that hate Obama & McCain equally, according to today's Washington Post.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
Debt Clock Bailout
In a sign of the times, the national debt clock in NYC has run out of digits to record the growing figure. Early this morning, the House & Senate sponsored a bill to loan money to allow more digits.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
McCain, The Rifleman
Barack Obama has objected to John McCain's use of his middle name, "Hussein". "From now on, we use McCain's middle name, "Lucas" because he shoots from the hip", stated Hussein.
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
Another Amazon Discovery
Still another previously undiscovered Amazon tribe has been discovered by a forest-cleaning crew. Anthropologists first to arrive claim the people there do not even have a word for "Gelin".
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written by
Bureau, 10 October 2008
CBS Reporter Shock: Obama Airplaine Smells Bad
Recognition for media gaff of the week this time goes to Dean Reynolds for this gem: "Somehow the McCain folks manage to keep their charter clean, even where the press is seated."
Dean, shower!
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Dem: Only terrorist attack could preclude Obama landslide
And the Republican rebuttal: Only Ralph Nader dropping dead can preclude McCain landslide!
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Iceland to be renamed
Iceland will be renamed to "Melted"
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"Got Milk?"
Angelina Jolie criticized for photo of her breastfeeding on the W Magazine cover. She said, "What's the the big deal. Brad and I are married...it's not like I was breastfeeding a complete stranger!"
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