Joe-Bama The Televangelist
A man dubbing himself "Joe-Bama The Televangelist" made a public statement that the current president-elect is doomed to hell if he expects to raise taxes "on those of us who currently evade them".
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"Suck My Anthrax!"
The Mormon Church is blaming a powder hoax on gay activists after receiving powder in the mail. "It was the note with it's 'Suck my anthrax, pretty boy', that gave it away" stated a church spokesman.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Ireland Walk Out On All Blacks!
The Irish Rugby Team went to the pub at half-time and failed to front for the second-half of their Test Match against New Zealand.
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Cushioned Blow
In Georgetown, S.C., a Frito Lays truck had to swerve to miss a sudden turning car in front and ran head-on into another Frito Lays truck. However, both 300-pounders are said to be doing fine.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Madonna Jumps on Gwyneth Paltrow
Divorce-bound Madonna told her friend Gwyneth Paltrow if she wants to be supportive in this time of marital discord, then she should keep her mouth shut. When asked to comment Paltrow said, "______."
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The Obama-King Souvenir Gold Mine
Martin Luther King, Jr's family wants a cut from the money coming in from the Obama-King souvenir sales. Martin Luther King III said, "I had a dream..that my family got half of the cash."
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One Part Flour, Two Parts Oops
Animal rights' activists in Paris threw flour on Lindsay Lohan's fur coat. Miss Lohan remarked, "What the hell is it with the French and their obsession with cooking all the time?"
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Omaha Steak's "Old Bossy"
Thirty-two pit bulls belonging to NFL star Michael Vick are each featured on wine bottles. Meanwhile Omaha Steak packages will soon show the photo and the name of the cow that each steak came from.
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The New Defense Secretary
Patrick Leahy says fellow Democrat Joe Lieberman should be punished for supporting GOP candidate John McCain. New Defense Secretary Sean 'Diddy' Combs said, "Just give me one minute alone with him."
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"Desperate Housewives" With Special Guest, Sarah Palin
The producers of ABC's 'Desperate Housewives' want Sarah Palin to appear on the show's season finale. They say she'll portray a paranoid Eskimo woman who leaves Alaska to get away from the Russians.
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"They're taking the piss!"
NASA are getting their own astronauts to drink their own urine in a cost-cutting venture to save on having to transport hundreds of gallons of bottled water.
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Obama Pledges Bailout for UK Sperm Banks!
President Erect takes hands on approach to cure UK Sperm Bank woes, opens personal account, and vows "no penalty" for "early withdrawals" or "premature Deposits"!
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written by
Morse, 15 November 2008
Michael Caught Up In Trend?
Electing Barack Obama the first black president may have started a trend. Yesterday it was reported that Michael Jackson has purchased the world's most expensive tanning bed.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Four New Planets Seen
Images have been captured of four possible planets outside of our solar system. Scientists believe that seeing them for the first time may indicate that they became visible here mostly to rag Pluto.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Ayers Distancing Himself
Ex-radical Bill Ayers has distanced himself from president-elect Barack Obama by moving into a northside Chicago penthouse.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Fluctuating
Wall Street stocks fluctuated Friday as more downbeat, upbeat, downbeat, upbeat economic news came in during the day.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
O.J. For Treasury?
Rumors out of Washington say that Barack Obama may appoint Hillary Clinton as new Secretary of State. No final word yet on O.J. Simpson for Secretary of Treasury.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Putin Sends Forth Medvedev
Russian President Dimitry Medvedev plans to travel this month to Cuba, Venezuela and possibly a long stay in Siberia, according to directions by Vladimir Putin.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Britain: No Room For Cemeteries
Britain is running out of room in their cemeteries with government stocking bodies, according to a press release Friday. May have to soon place Project, "Soylent Green" into place.
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written by
Bureau, 15 November 2008
Chinese Bail out plan
The Chinese will offer free milk and diary shipments to countries hurting from the world economic crisis. The Chinese President said, "you cant be unemployed if you're dead"
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