John 'The Phoenix Kid' McCain
The mayors of Philadelphia, Atlanta, and Phoenix are asking for part of that $700 billion bailout. Barack Obama said, "If it's up to me Philly and Hotlanta get some. But Phoenix ain't gettin' squat."
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Free Viagra In Mexico
Mexico City is giving away free Viagra pills to everyone over 70. U.S./Mexican border backed up with wheelchairs, scooters and golf carts.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Dildo-Shaped Object
A Las Vegas prostitute has reported seeing a dildo-shaped UFO craft hovering over that city in the early hours of Friday morning.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
First Time Ever
First albino, same-sex set of Siamese dwarfs to marry next weekend in Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Cheney Barricades Office
An unnamed source at the White House says Dick Cheney has barricaded himself in his office and swears that Joe Biden will get his keys only from prying them from his cold dead fingers.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Breaks Bonds With Bare Hands
Wall Street, which has been in shambles for the past two months, finally sent out the signal this morning for help from the Brokerman.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Zbigniew Brzezinski's puppy buys own mutt
Zbigniew Brzezinski's Presidential puppy puppet, Bark-bark Obama, is to get a mutt of his own for being a good dog during the campaign and barack-ing on demand.
Next trick ? Roll over n play dead?
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written by
Rusty, 14 November 2008
The Plane She's Notta Leaving
The bad news is Alitalia Airlines has had to cancel 60 flights because of striking employees. The good news is 99% of all flyers have never heard of Alitalia Airlines.
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Real Change
A hobbyist with a metal detector in the Netherlands has found 39 gold coins and 70 silver coins. The coins are 2,000 years old but due to the bad economy are only worth a total of $1.09 (US).
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Degeneres Wins Several
Talk Show host Ellen DeGeneres has won another emmy. Also, a Susan, Angelina, Betty, Martha, Helen, Sally and the twin sisters, Lilly and Milly.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Bush Family Saddened
President Bush issued a statement this morning that he and the whole family were saddened by the news that a prisoner at Gitmo had apparently drowned in his cell.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Earth Tremor In Detroit
An early morning earth tremor has set off sirens, blinking traffic lights, and over 500,000 mousetraps in downtown Detroit, Michigan.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
More Headlines For David Blaine
Magician David Blaine has announced that early next month he will attempt to roller skate in a buffalo herd.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Bush: Stay the course!
President Bush carefully explained yesterday how that our oil rigs could just keep digging really deep opposite the world from Saudi Arabia, we'll become oil-rich overnight.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Excited Over Discovery
Reports out of Houston say that the nerds there are still highly excited about the Martian Rover discovering a piece of ice.
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
Lost 80 pounds
Joseph "Fats" McKinney of Mable, North Carolina has reported that he has lost over 80 pounds eating McDonald's Ronald. Could there be a commercial here?
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written by
Bureau, 14 November 2008
God is angry
God is reported to be angry at theives who stole one of his Russian Orthodox churches. "I KNOW who it was but I'm surprised it took villagers so long to notice it had gone!" he said.
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