Spoof news snippets from July 2008
There were 45 spoof news snippets published in July 2008. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Robert Mugabe sells entire life on ebay for Million Zimbabwe dollars
President Robert Gabriel Mugabe has put his entire life on ebay. The 'buy it now' offer is One Millon Dollars which equates to 3p.
Pregnant Man's child is to follow suit
The world's first 'Pregnant man', Thomas Beattie, has given birth to a baby girl. "I hope she follows my footsteps and has her breasts removed and makes love to a test tube." he said.
Cruella Deville Caught
Police caught Ms Cruella Deville today in Shrewsbury town centre. They got a lead as one of her many dogs was spotted on CCTV watering one of the towns hanging baskets which have been entered in the 'Britain in Bloom' contest.
Golf Club relaxes rules on socks but balls must still be covered!
Frinton Golf Club is now allowing players to wear short socks below the knee for the first time in 113 years. However, golfers are requested to keep thier balls covered at all times.
Jolie's twin mystery
Actress, Angelina Jolie has just given birth to twins it was anounced today. Proud father Brad Pitt claimed that the girl was his but he had not got a clue as to who was the father of the boy called Knox Leon.
Territorial Army Uniform Crisis
Following todays 'turn up to your day job in uniform' stunt, part-time soldiers have been ordered to turn up on parade wearing their day job clothes. Much interest will be generated by stippers, pole dancers and lifeguards.
Church Merge
Salt Lake City, Utah: The Seventh Day Adventist church has combined with the Mormon church and will now be known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Saturday Saints - as from next Saturday it was announced today.
Disguise didn't Work
When Radovan Karadzic hired an Osama Bin Laden disguise it obviously didn't work! He was quickly arrested by police in Belgrade today.
Latest statistics
It has been found that 100% of black people who are arrested are indeed black, funnily enough 100% of white people who are arrested are white. However not one green person has ever been arrested.
Summer down to 3 days
Here in the UK, calendars tell us that the first day of Summer is June 20th. June 21st is traditionally midsummer's day, so that means the last day of summer is June 23rd. That's it!
New Publication for Deaf
The RNID (Royal National Institution for the Deaf) are due to launch it's own satirical newpaper. Similar to 'Private Eye', it will be called 'Public Ear'.
Blind People can now see Funny Side
The RNIB (Royal National Institue for the Blind) are helping its members to see the Funny Side of life by publishing 'Private Eye' in braille.
Underwear Confession
In an exclusive interview, Obama Barak was asked what kind of shorts he wears, he answered sometimes briefs and sometimes shorts. The same question was put to John McCain to which his reply was "Depends."
Chernobyl Wedding
Today Chernobyl, the town in te Ukraine that had a meltdown at is Nuclear Power Station performed it's first wedding ceremony in 20 years. The ceremony was beautiful -she was absolutely radiant, he was glowing too. Even the bridesmaids shone.
Overdosed?
In Las Vegas today, the body of a junkie who was found dead in an alley, with sh*t in his veins? Apparently he'd been shooting craps.
Pit Bull(sh*t) Horror
UK consumers were today literally 'up in arms' as a leading anti-perspirant manufacturer inadvertently added starch to one of their under-arm products.
Penal Reform
Mr Arthur Penis announced today that he has changed his name to end the years of torment and misery it has bought him. He will henceforth be known as 'Justin Side'.
Experts say Dogs can write!
Scientists have discovered dogs can write. 'White Fang' was found to be an autobiography by the dog using his pen name 'Jack London'. The signed copy [with paw print] is due to be auctioned by Sothebys next month.
UK-Wide Sex Strike
Ugly women throughout the UK were today reported as being "devastated" that no-one was particularly bothered that they are on a week-long sex strike. Threats to extend it to a second week seems to have prompted similar indifference amongst the male population.
Competitors Kick Off in Health and Safety Row
This year's annual 'one-legged-man arse kicking competition' has been cancelled following concerns from local health and safety officials. Participants are said to be hopping mad at the decision.
Scientists discover new role for penises
Scientists have discovered that the male penis can also be used for urinating.
Computer generates perfect 'the spoof' headline.
when asked to gernerate the perfect 'the spoof' headline after haveing the website fed into it the goverment computer printed 'George bush and Paris hilton in Brad pitt alien death sex abdution...George bush is stupid'.
Street Crime
At a debate on the control of youth gang violence, one speaker claimed that teenagers that used ghetto blasters were typically the ones involved in the street gangs. Another member immediately objected, stating that the speaker's claim was based on a 'stereotype'.
Bowling Balled
An ill-fated UK man was rushed to hospital after having sex with a bowling ball. As he withdrew his penis from a finger hole, he found that his right testicle was lodged in the thumb-hole. Poor chap.
Queen Pregnant
Buckingham Palace announced earlier today that Queen Elizabeth is expecting her fifth child. Its either that, or she's going to let out a cracking fart any time soon.
Model Tryouts!
Calling all anorexic girls! If you are beyond skeletal, have a personality similar to a doorknob, and have the brains of the nearest horse fly, than this is the experience for you! Check auditions with the Naughty Bunnies in a town near you-and remember, no fat Baltimore chicks please!
Dick cheney shoots hunting partner!
Oh wait... that's not a spoof.... it really has happened... Sorry
13 injured in Iraq festival
13 were injured today in Iraq`s annual running of the suicide bombers
Gordon Brown says 'This' is likely to happen
At a recent conference the PM claimed that 'This' was likely to happen, but strongly denied claims that 'That' was going to happen.
Dogs can't write claim experts
Sadly our canine allies cannot communicate to us though writing. Experts say that Morse code may be an option.
7 Killed in fog bound Prescott collision
Wittiness said it was "horrible" but couldn't describe the incident in any more detail.
Survey reveals nothing claims surveyor
Survey reveals nothing claims surveyor - "not good enough" says the rest of the world.
Man killed in badge swallowing accident
Details are sketchy but the incident could have been a suicide attempt, police say that it could have been an accident and that it was probably the pin on the back of the badge that did it.
Bush Denounces Zimbabwe Election
President Bush calls the election results for Mugabe a "fraud". Bush advisors are suggesting he not make any additional public statements about the election, reminding the president how "close to home" this hits.
God in advertising denial
God has decided to shave off his beard. A spokesman said that 'his almightyness has bought some disposable razors and will cascade his trimmings to earth like manna in the desert' He denied that God has signed a deal to promote Mach 3
McCain supporter retracts
McCain supporter, retracts, says he was missed understood, America is a nation of winos, not whiners.
World's youngest man found
The previous record has finally been beaten thanks to advances in medical/time travel technology
We're all five minuets behind claims time scientists
The rumors have been confirmed; we are all behind by at least five minuets
Ziwbabawean parliments request return of English Colonialism
Today in a remakeable vote; the Zimbabawean parliments voted to say it was sorry for the war of freedom against the English and asked them to come back, please!
Obama and Bill Clinton talk
Clinton says "me and Obama have alot in common, we both beat Hillary"
Obama talks about up coming election
He says, he is not naive about the difference between red and blue states, but he hopes the Bloods and Crips both support him.
War of Words; Dalai lama versus The Chinese Government
The Chinese Government continued its verbal attack on the Dalai Lama, calling him a traitor to the world media. The Dalai lama responded by calling the Chinese Government, Chinks.
Watermelon and sex
Scientist today released a study showing that, Watermelon has viagra like effects on men. Apparently it contains a substance that increases blood flow. They also believe, this might explain the unbelieveably high births rates in Africa.
Water Surplus Issue Surmounts
Throughout the water-logged midwest, ordinances are being passed demanding residents to "drink in excess", water their lawns numerous times throughout the day and courtesy flush three times each visit to the bathroom.
Hostages speak out
Freed Columbia hostages revealed today, the hardest thing about being held hostage, was not having tacos or being able to watch Ugly Betty.