Spoof news snippets from Thursday 14 February 2008
Fruit "too fruity"
Consumers want fruit to be "less fruity" and more savoury, a new survey suggests. "People are fed up with oranges that taste of fruit," said Steve Human-Garbage, a spokesman for WalMart, "they want more exciting flavours like barbecued pork...or tagines".
"Quantum of Shoelace" not new Bond film
Confusion over the title of the new Bond film "Quality of Sallies" has led to calls for it to be changed. Barbara Brocoli, the film's producer says: "'Quedam of Choc-Ice' will not have a new title, I can assure you of that".
Red sky at night "shepherd's delight"
A comprehensive study of weather patterns over the last 300 million years has conclusively proved that shepherds are genuinely "delighted" by red skies at night. This "delight" ranged from playful smiles to sexual arousal.
Soap "gets dirtier as you get cleaner"
Scientist have discovered that soap works by taking the dirt from your body and storing it inside a hole in the bar. Breaking open bars of soap, scientist discovered colonies of bacteria strong enough to wipe out entire cities. Or something.