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Rating:

Michelle Obama's "Hair Touchers"

Hundreds of hair stylists want to become Michelle Obama's personal hair stylist. The list has been cut down to three: Mr. FiFi of Beverly Hills, Mr. Skippy of Las Vegas, and Mr. Missy Missy of Miami.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Rick Warren (aka Billy Graham?)

Pro-gay marriage advocates do not want Rick Warren delivering the prayer at Obama's inaguration. The Obama side quickly reaches a compromise. Warren will speak, but he will be dressed as Billy Graham.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

President Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of California says that he would like to be president someday. Okay Arnie no problem...move your ass on back to Austria and get elected.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Four-Star General Sarah Palin

Gov. Sarah Palin missing the limelight ever since Johnny and her got their asses kicked on Nov. 4 tells an Alaskan reporter. "Tell the 'Lower 48' that I am preparing my troops to invade Russia."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

The Big Three Big Machinery Companies

Caterpillar to scale back executive pay in 2009. Reportedly Praying Mantis and Grasshopper to follow suit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Drugs in Newcastle?

Police in Newcastle, Yorkshire, have arrested a man after finding a bag of marijuana hidden underneath a roll of fat in his stomach. He had it hidden under a roll of fat! Talk about a pot belly!!

written by IN SEINE, 22 December 2008
Rating:

People Don't Know How to Rate Articles. Gosh!

People see the stars, and if some are set, they think that IS the rating! NO people! Everyone can rate the same story! Gosh! And quit eating all the steaks! My Uncle Reeco could do it! Gosh!

written by Aspartame Boy, 22 December 2008
Rating:

"How To Stretch Neck" Spam

The women in Thailand say they are receiving too many "How To Stretch Your Neck Another Two Inches" spam on their computers.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Faberge Sues Burger King

Faberge has sued Burger King over it's new cologne saying it's ingredients have been stolen from their copyrighted cologne, "Eau de Fricasse".

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Hillary Hussein Clinton

Barack Obama has requested that all his newly-named cabinet members immediately adopt the middle name Hussein during the next four years.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Cave Women Complaints

Report: Scientists now believe that cave women who lived as long as 100,000 years ago also claimed that they had nothing to wear.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Shoe-Thrower's Humble Request

Friends and family of shoe-throwing Iraqi say he has apologized and requested that Maliki return his shoes, balls.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Whole Species Gobbled Up

Greenpeace says that scores of rare and newly discovered species in the Far East are being gobbled up.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Earth Needs Bush Moves

Scientists say that the earth must copy President Bush's moves to avoid thrown shoes if it's to dodge the two asteroids
headed this way.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Madoff Requests Fraud Bailout

Madoff, arrested for fraud, claims he can pay off all the people he owes with a comparatively small bailout check from the federal government.

written by Bureau, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Saint Nicked

Father Christmas was arrested yesterday when it was discovered that his "Naughty and Nice" list contravened the UK Data Protection Act.

written by IainB, 22 December 2008
Rating:

AA meeting cancelled

The Anonymity Anonymous meeting scheduled for Thursday in Manchester has been cancelled due to a lack of people putting their name down.

written by IainB, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Mark Hughes to Manage Camel Racing

Manchester City's new Arab owners are transferring club manager Mark Hughes to Dubai to coach their camel racing team after Sunday's disastrous West Brom' game.

written by Rusty, 22 December 2008
Rating:

UK HSE Bans Work

HSE officials have declared that to comply with new recession-friendly EU rules all acts of work have now been reclassified by risk assessments as extremely dangerous and henceforth prohibited.

written by Rusty, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Hallelujah tops Billboard charts

Leonard Cohen's classic Christmas carol 'Hallelujah' has topped the UK charts, with a variety of karaoke croaker entries spanning the Number One to 20 positions.

written by Rusty, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Romania sets Guinness records

Romanian capital Bucharest sets Guinness world record for having 3,939 Santas on the streets giving away Pennyland gifts, and further plan record attempts for the longest Xmas cake and largest sausage

written by Rusty, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Fat One at Steak

Spaniards await the draw of the world's richest lottery, El Gordo or the Fat One, with $3.2bn at stake. Britain's own El Gordo; Michael Winner who has paid £5,000 for a steak in a top Mayfair hotel.

written by IN SEINE, 22 December 2008
Rating:

The Three Unwise Men

The three unwise men of GM, Ford and Chrysler found the savior and bore him gifts of IOU's, Promisory Notes and Mirth and he shall be called jesUS TAXPAYER.

written by JAB, 22 December 2008
Rating:

RSPCA issues Cat care alert.

The RSPCA today issued a warning to pet owners after a man bought a tin of catfood and a jar of vaseline from Tesco Extra in Chipping Sodbury.

written by jeremy griffiths, 22 December 2008
Rating:

FDA Approves Green Plants for Use as Sweeteners

A reliable source at FDA told The Spoof that their botanists have all gone blind; FDA will approve any green plant for use as a beverage sweetener. Weed futures ticked up. Moniker for details.

written by Aspartame Boy, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Cold and flu tablets withdrawn: xtc complications

Cold and flu tablets on sale in Australia have been withdrawn following reports that users suffered hallucinations (pink elephants, dragons etc) and some even said that they danced all night.Give me!!

written by whatinthe world, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Man OD'd on Aspartame

DENVER - Rocky Mountain high turned low for one Charl E. Boyd DOA at Rocky Mountain Arsenal EM station 9. After eating 4 oucnes of pure aspartame Charl died after three hours on an asspirator.

written by Aspartame Boy, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Here Comes The Eight-Year-Old Bride!

A Saudi Arabian judge has denied an eight-year-old girl's request to divorce her 58-year-old husband. The girl said, "Judge I want a divorce, all Abdul does all day is watch the camel races on ESPN."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Space Shuttles For Sale

FOR SALE: NASA's soon-to-be-retired space shuttles - $42 million. One owner, clean, good condition, but high-as-hell mileage.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Mars: The Religious Planet

Scientist report a mineral discovered on Mars suggests the planet may have once had an environment hospitable to life. The Jehovah Witnesses pamplets that were found also raised some questions.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

"That Oprah, She Sure Has Let Herself Go." - Kirstie Alley

Geologists reported a 4.1 magnitude earthquake shaking California. They later received a phone call from LAPD saying that it was only Oprah Winfrey and Kirstie Alley out jogging.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

The Santa Ana MoFo

California winds are blowing toxic arsenic mine waste all over the state. Officials are seriously considering boarding up the state.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
Rating:

Split-Fingered Snowball

Today was the opening day of Winter. Frosty the Snowman threw out the first snowball.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 December 2008
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