Spoof news snippets from Saturday 19 April 2008
Hillary TV Ad: Monica Wants In
Monica Lewinsky, of Bill Clinton fame, has approached Ms. Clinton saying her well-known face will catch the voter's attention. Responding in a near rage, Hillary replied, "Monica, you are a slut with no valid ethics! You disgraced the Presidency. Climb aboard!"
$1,000,000 For White House Replica!
Leaving the Presidency has been very trying for Mr. Bush. So, to relive his glory days, he has commissioned George Lucas' Industrial Light & Magic to create an exact room-sized replica of the White House, "right down to detailed miniature crappers."
Bush Lost Nuclear Codes
War with China? Lucky it did not happen, as President Bush's briefcase with nuclear missile launch codes had been missing for several days. The White House was in turmoil with every square inch inspected. It was finally found in a fridge, with his lunch inside.
McCain: "Why No Press On Me?"
As Obama and Hillary garner the spotlight, daily trading insults, McCain is moaning about lack of press coverage on his campaign. But, as one major newspaper editor wrote, "Following McCain's campaign and personality remind me of my housebound grandpa's babbling drivel."
Black Reverend Al Sharpton Wants Cabinet Post
Once riotmaster, the 53-year old reverend of Brooklyn wants it! Referred to as an 'antisemitic racist' and 'racial arsonist,' the radio guy and activist itches to be Secretary of State, "like Condi, under a Demo or Republican Pres. Al's got it all bro' and learnt from my passed stupidirty."
Shrink Reveals Obama May Pull Out
In a leaked discussion, Obama's psychiatrist reveals that arrows being shot into Obama have caused bad wounds. He's depressed over his heritage, elitism, bitterness, religion, guns, small towns, debate formats, and wife, Michelle's, cursing, off camera.
Hillary Brazenly Chooses Her Cabinet!
After a Pittsburgh luncheon attended by her key supporters, Ms. Clinton revealed her cabinet choices to a select few. 4 supporters, sworn to secrecy, viewed the list. Obama, quick to respond, said, "Yeah, I bet she has Little Richard designated as Secretary of Non Elitists!"
CIA: Olympians Threatened by Radiation at Beijing
China = lead, reacted lead and toxic. Lead metal blocks radioactivity. CIA: The Chinese will use radioactive bombardment...not for the Chinese. Result: lowest scores ever for athletes (wearing heavy lead shields!). The Chinese will sweep all Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals.