Spoof news snippets from Monday 14 April 2008
A Lost Tribe of Israel Discovered in Joplin, Missouri, USA?
Middle East scholars have been lead to scientist, Dr. Stanley Frankosky of Joplin, who claims that he is a member of Judah, one of the 10 Lost Tribes of Israel. He claims a series of unique body marks is proof. Testing is underway.
Special Signage for Olympics Toilets
Language barriers are a problem at any Olympics. So, on the men's and women's rooms stick figures urinating and defecating will make the situation clear for all. Said Toilet Official No. 2, "We pran good! And, I not kid you, Angro!"
Aussies Fighting Beijing Over Great White Shark Display
The Australian Olympic Committee is planning to show a live 18ft long Great White at the Summer Olympics. Beijing Official No. 6 said, "If show any shark, we take and make soup for Official No. 1!" The Aussies are now threatening a boycott.
Monica Lewinsky Predicts Obama Will Take White House
Recently interviewed on the set of "Swallowtail - My Story," Lewinsky's biopic, she opined, "The Dems will win and it will be Barack, baby! Never Hillary she took 'Billy Boy' away from me. Besides, you know what they say about Afro guys! Obama's already told me, 'My hut is your hut!'"
Obama Found In Drunken Stupor in Pennsylvania Hotel
In a pre-win and secret celebration for the upcoming April 22 primary in the Keystone State, Obama was found crawling around his Pennsylvania hotel room. The room was strewn with 17 empty Tusker 12 ouncers. "I jess miss that Kinyan Tusker beer."
Flatulence Cures Cancer
The Foundation of Applied Research Theories (FART) has published the results of studies, claiming that cancerous mice, after receiving a full treatment of flatulence, enter into remission. The majority of the experiment was conducted by the overnight janitor.