There were 77 spoof news snippets published in September 2007. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:

Robert Blake, Following O.J. Again, To Release New Book

The book is titled: "I Ain't Sayin' I Done Nuthin, But If I'da Done Sumthin', Dis Is Hows I'da Done It."

written by Jalapenoman, 24 September 2007
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O.J. Simpson finally admits that he was not trying to steal back his own memorabilia

"I was trying to get an autographed pair of Britney's panties since they are a rare thing now because she doesn't wear them anymore."

written by Jalapenoman, 23 September 2007
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"St-st-st-st-stammering's a s-s-s-s-serious problem", director of British Stammering Association says

The director of the British Stammering Association, in a 2-hour interview, told our reporter that stammering is a serious problem.

written by Noshing Mink, 27 September 2007
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Cabinet Minister Ed Balls changes first name to "Suckmy"

Westminster is reeling after news that the Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, Ed Balls, has changed his first name to "Suckmy". Now he will be known as "the Right Honourable Suckmy Balls".

written by Noshing Mink, 04 September 2007
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Fly-type Thingie Accompanying Many Spoof Stories Is Subject of Speculation

Some think it's a plain old bug; others argue it's Elton John hiding behind a pair of sunglasses.

written by Gail Farrelly, 25 September 2007
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NBC and iTunes Announce Divorce

"MUST SEE TV? It's just not for me," declared Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.

written by Gail Farrelly, 08 September 2007
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Another Price Increase at Ruth's Chris Steak House

A famed steakhouse's prices are up again, the 6-oz. filet now $49.95. Insurers on random audit reportedly discovered all meals are served on sizzling 600-degree plates and demanded "a larger cut".

written by Helena Handbasket, 02 September 2007
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If you can...

...cruise through life you know you haven't made a difference. Congratulations!

written by arkticcool, 04 September 2007
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Smith Alive!

British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is alive and living on a caravan site on the Isle of Sheppey, according to newspaper reports

written by parveen liddy, 28 September 2007
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The Universe...

...is limitless but is still confined to eternal nothingness of human consciousness.

written by arkticcool, 04 September 2007
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Polytunnel pickers protest

Britian's strawbery pickers are staging a 24 hour strike to protest against 'Green Finger' a condition caused by prolonged exposure to strawberry leaves.

written by parveen liddy, 19 September 2007
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Collins to 'glove up.'

Joan Collins will wear gloves on all her public appearances from now on after pictures showed her hands are 50 years older than her face.

written by parveen liddy, 19 September 2007
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Cherie gets new face

Visually challenged Cherie Blair admitted she used a 'face double' for her autobiography publicity pictures

written by parveen liddy, 20 September 2007
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Congratulations...

... on achieving mediocrity.

written by arkticcool, 15 September 2007
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Dr Zeus wins Nobel Prize for Literature

Dr Zeus has won the Nobel Prize for Literature for his seminal work 'Green Eggs and Ham'

written by parveen liddy, 17 September 2007
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Wig alert

US forces are on full scale alert after Gen. David Petraeus's wig escaped.

written by parveen liddy, 18 September 2007
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Morrison lives!

Jim Morrison has been found alive and well living in a council flat in Cheltenham, England.

written by parveen liddy, 18 September 2007
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'Freebird' spooks 'Southern Man'

Folk singer Neil Young claims he is being haunted by ghost of Lynrd Skynrd singer and plane crash victim Ronnie Van Zandt.

written by parveen liddy, 19 September 2007
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Cobblers to Olympics

Shoemakers are jumping for joy after cobbling was chosen to be one of the new events at the London Olympics. Both sprint re-heeling and pairs freestyle willl be included in the 2012 tournament.

written by parveen liddy, 19 September 2007
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Another Medical Condition Named after Gordon Brown

Slack-jawed people will in future be suffering from 'Brown's Syndrome' after the condition was named in his honour of the Prime Minister. He also lends his name to 'Unashamed Liar' Syndrome.

written by parveen liddy, 27 September 2007
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Miss Teen South Carolina Still Bangable

A recent Gallup poll revealed that 94% of Americans would still "bang the living sh*t" out of Miss Teen South Carolina, Laura Caitlin Upton, despite her awkward and embarrassing display of unfathomable stupidity during the 2007 Miss Teen USA contest.

written by R-Mania, 14 September 2007
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Senator Larry Craig Unresigns

Confessed, then pleaded unguilty after conviction. Bush may now decide 'Mission Unaccomplished' and unstay the course in Iraq to uninvade if unrealities continue.

written by Gnarly Erik, 27 September 2007
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Team McCann say - It Pays to Advertise

Marketers behind the Find Madeleine Campainge have released a range of "I AM NOT MADELEINE MCCANN" Tee- Shirts. This,they say, will help them focus on the real issue of finding Madeleine.

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 28 September 2007
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Brooklyn Jewish Academy football team loses 492nd straight game

"But at least, thank God, nobody got hurt." says Coach Yankelbaum.

written by websmuggler, 01 September 2007
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US Atorney General Confusion

"Alberto Gonzales is the first attorney general who thought the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, were three different things."

-Rahm Emanuel, D-Ill.

written by Gnarly Erik, 03 September 2007
Rating:

Reason for Owen Wilson's attempted suicide discovered

(L.A., CA)-Actor Owen Wilson's recent suicide attempt prompted the LA county police to check his internet history for clues. Shortly before the 911 call was made, Wilson had viewed the bottom line of the High School Musical page on Wikipedia which ready "casting in works for High School Musical 3."

written by T. French, 04 September 2007
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Ron Paul Removes Head from Sand

Ron Paul removed his head from the sand today to tell the Islamic terroists to "Just go away!"
They didn't.

written by Scrip, 08 September 2007
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Britney Spears to Consult Bin Laden PR Team

Faltering pop icon Britney Spears is to consult terrorist Osama bin Laden's Public Relations team to help her damaged public image. Manager Larry Rudolph told Entertainment Weekly, "After the [MTV] V.M.A. performance, anything helps." Al-Qaeda could not be reached for comment.

written by Anthony J Nowak, 12 September 2007
Rating:

Pope Recants on Disposable Love

A press release issued from Vatican today states that the Pope will be launching an Encyclical clarifying the Church's position on Disposable Love - Church officals claim - It was never meant to be taken literally!

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 15 September 2007
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Chris Morris's Mass Murder Satire

Morris's 'uproarious' new show will see him hacking gullible celebrities participants into bitesize chunks.

written by Lance Boil, 18 September 2007
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Sex Change Operation Disappoints Senator

Senator Larry Craig preferred Karl Rove the way he was

written by Gnarly Erik, 20 September 2007
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Brian Blessed Shaves Beard

Brian Blessed has shaved off his beard. He is still a crap actor.

written by marlowe, 21 September 2007
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Brian Blessed Regrows Beard

Brian Blessed has regrown his beard. He is still a crap actor.

written by marlowe, 21 September 2007
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"There's No Bastard Like An Old Bastard"

Longest serving US Republican Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska proves the absolute truth of the old cliché' . . .

written by Gnarly Erik, 21 September 2007
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Brian Blessed Slims Down

Brian Blessed has slimmed down to size zero. He is still a crap actor.

written by marlowe, 21 September 2007
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Kenneth Branagh Hails Brian Blessed

Kenneth Branagh has declared Brian Blessed to be the greatest actor that has ever lived (next to himself, of course). He is still a crap actor.

written by marlowe, 21 September 2007
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Two people actually like Bush: Poll

A survey of 2 Americans has found that some people actually like George Bush.

written by majellamcparland, 23 September 2007
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PM Gordon Brown: 'I'm a Convicted Politician'

One-eyed ogre Gordon Brown made a sensational confession at the Labour Party Conference - revealing he has a long list of convictions running back to 1979. The PM added: 'I'm not the leader of Britain. I'm a very naughty boy.'

written by T. Pynchon, 24 September 2007
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Man shot through head; in hospital in satisfactory condition

"Wow! Now THERE'S a guy who's easy to please!" say amazed doctors.

written by websmuggler, 25 September 2007
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High Horse

I fell getting off my high horse. Who can I sue?

written by marlowe, 25 September 2007
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Photograph Scandal

Pictured girl isn't Maddie but pictured man IS Lord Lucan.

written by Lance Boil, 26 September 2007
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Hazel's Hair

Hazel Blears may be a keen motor cyclist, and she does look groovy in her leathers, but having her hair in the shape of a helmet doesn't quite work. Just try greasing it back, Haze.

written by marlowe, 26 September 2007
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Blessed Warning

'Crap News' reports that Brian Blessed had eaten his way down from Mt Everest and is now eating Loose Women. Will no one release us from this accursed man?!

written by marlowe, 27 September 2007
Rating:

Self-Castrated Man on the Prowl

Said the man, "Let's see those girls at the office kick me in the nuts when I hit on them now!" Nearby female co-workers wretched in disbelief.

written by Entropus, 29 September 2007
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International Snake-Handling Convention Goes Terribly Wrong

Surveying the room full of corpses and poisonous vipers, NYC detective Ray Broward said, "Who's gonna vote for Giuliani now?"

written by Entropus, 29 September 2007
Rating:

Anti-Defamation League thinks headline directly below this one might be anti-Semitic

ADL president Abe Foxman explains, "We haven't quite decided whether it is or not, but for now play it safe and don't laugh at it."

written by websmuggler, 01 September 2007
Rating:

Seemingly able-bodied man asked why he parked in handicap space

Replies: "I suffer from La Tourette's Syndrome, you ****ing cunt slut whore! Now eat my cock 'til you **** out my cum!

written by websmuggler, 02 September 2007
Rating:

Brain-Racking Injuries on Rise, Officials Say

The Centers for Disease Control reports that the number of people injured while racking their brain has more than doubled since 2000. "People should rack their brains with care and avoid sudden movements," said CDC official Andrew Gutcheck, M.D.

written by Heewack, 05 September 2007
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Pavarotti 'Never Got to Finish Harry Potter Book'

"It was one of his greatest regrets," a family spokesman said. "We tried to read it to him, but we were only about halfway through. Now he'll never know how it ended."

written by Heewack, 06 September 2007
Rating:

Fred Thompson No-show At NH Republican Debate

Fred Thompson declined an ivitation to the Fox News NH Republican debate. However, He did offer for airing a DVD filled with clips from old movies of him acting Presidential. Fox, in an effort to be consistent, made it a no-show as well.

written by Scrip, 07 September 2007
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Jets Accuse Patriots of Spying

NY Jets demand the tape of their defensive coaches' signals to on field team to be used as evidence in firing.

written by Scrip, 11 September 2007
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Senator Larry Craig 'Reaches Out'

'Just Figuratively' this time - not under the bathroom stall again, he says.

written by Gnarly Erik, 13 September 2007
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Senator Larry Craig To Present Noball Piece Prize to Karl Rove

Award presentation to take place in Men's restroom, Minneapolis International Airport, Minneapolis, Hennepen County, Minnesota, USA

written by Gnarly Erik, 14 September 2007
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Former Collegue Launches Anagram Attack on Former Collegue

Doctor Who Ha is finally launching a fullscale anagram campaign to counter the advertising campaign professing Who Ha. The good Doctor only had this comment to make "The Daleks are in Control".

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 16 September 2007
Rating:

Hidden meaning found in anagram - but it doesn't make sense!

The anagram genius working on Dr Who Ha's anagram campaign is baffled by the only re-arrangment of [the daleks are in control]. All he could come up with was[disenchant alert looker]. It just doesn't make sense!

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 16 September 2007
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Paul McCartney Throttles Ringo With Bass String!

This a story we reported last week, but we have since discovered it to be false.

written by Lance Boil, 17 September 2007
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Doctor Who Ha's latest anagram attack on Expert!

Doctor Who Ha's latest anagram has revealed what he thinks of [Mr Jameison's forensic advice] "who ha" says the Doctor [Evidence of major narcissism].

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 18 September 2007
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O.J. Simpson announces his defense strategy: "Mark Fuhrman is a racist!"

"It worked before." notes O.J.

written by websmuggler, 18 September 2007
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John Kerry Stunned By Taser Incident

Guess he shouldn't have gotten in the officers' way!

written by TomFoolery, 19 September 2007
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Pope Out To Lunch

Vatican officials were astounded today when US Secretary of State, Gondola Ricea, arrived for her lunch date with the Pope. Dr Ricea had to be told, with extreme diplomacy, that the Pope was already doing lunch with someone else.

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 19 September 2007
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Wobbley Arch

The arch on the new Wembley Stadium was not supposed to lean it was revealed today. A spokesperson for Multiplex, the constructors, said 'We've known for a while but we didn't want to say anything'.

written by PS39, 19 September 2007
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Madeleine the Movie

Producers say shows promise of being another "Never Ending Story"

written by Professor Ransakka Ph.D, 19 September 2007
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Rap is Wrapped for Sir Minge

Inside sources at the Lib-Dem conference have revealed that Sir Minge Campbell, their sort of leader, was persuaded not to deliver his speech in rap form only minutes before he went on stage.

written by marlowe, 20 September 2007
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Local Man Performs Murder-Suicide, Gets It Way Wrong

Before an area man shot his wife and himself, he uttered the missive, "It is time to be with God." God, in a statement released today stated, "Um, yeeeeeah. About that..."

written by tva, 20 September 2007
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Larry Craig changes position on gay marriage - he's now for it

Disgraced Senator explains: "After all, for years my own wife was in a gay marriage, and she didn't even know it!"

written by websmuggler, 20 September 2007
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Gordon Brown Can Juggle and Lie Simultaneously

In a true feat of acrobatics, the Prime Minister juggled five brightly coloured plastic baubles while insisting that the invasion of Iraq was necessary and justified.

written by Entropus, 20 September 2007
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Kenneth Branagh Warning

With the release of his latest Shakespeare film, the populace is warned that Kenneth Branagh may be found lurking somewhere nearby talking his usual bollocks. Try not to laugh too loudly. Just ignore him and walk away. You have been warned.

written by marlowe, 21 September 2007
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Fit Mother Britney Spears Declares Love of Child, Booze

Amid a torrent of bad parenting allegations, Britney Spears emerged from local watering hole Dave's Place, stating she loved her son Sutton Pierce with all her heart. She stated she also loves Southern Comfort.

written by tva, 21 September 2007
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Brian Blessed Changes Name

Brian Blessed has changed his name to Sir Laurence Olivier. He is still a crap actor.

written by marlowe, 21 September 2007
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Brian Blessed Takes Acting Lessons

In a desperate bid to stem the stream of cruel abuse about his acting talent, Brian Blessed flew to Paris and had intensive and urgent acting lessons with Peter Brook. He is still a crap actor.

written by marlowe, 22 September 2007
Rating:

Brian Blessed - Great Actor?

Brian Blessed is a crap actor. That isn't very funny but it is true. But as nothing on this site is meant to be true...Brian Blessed is a great actor. It just isn't funny, is it?

written by marlowe, 22 September 2007
Rating:

Senator Larry Craig Crazed by Vague Plague

Protests, detests, obsessed cop pest's zest in quest to molest & arrest confessed, stressed, depressed best dressed Senator in West. Requests retest.

written by Gnarly Erik, 22 September 2007
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Brian Blessed admitts his beard is fake.

Wonders why everyone hates him so much. "I'm brilliant", he insists.

written by majellamcparland, 25 September 2007
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Hazel's Little Secret

Hazel Blears has got a little secret. She's not going to tell anyone what it is but just watch her face. What can it be, it certainly amuses her?

written by marlowe, 26 September 2007
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SECOND COMING OF CHRIST: Jesus announces His return, in interview from Salt Lake City

"Uh-oh." says Pope.

written by websmuggler, 03 September 2007
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Wife Wants Another $%#*#@ Baby

LANCASTER, California--As she watched her youngest daughter, Britney, traipse off to her first day of kindergarten, Andrea Maloney, 31, once again told husband Tom that she wants to have another baby. "Oh jeez, not this again," he reportedly said.

written by Heewack, 04 September 2007
Rating:

Bush Fire Spreads Throughout Australia

American President spontaneously combusts on trip to Oz.

written by Granno, 06 September 2007
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