Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 7 November 2007
Mucca Not Pukka Says Jade
Madwoman Heather Mills, 54, is the victim of ugly Big Brother bully and moron Jade Goody's latest attack. 'That stoopid cow gets on my tits. 'Cos she's ambidextrose like Lord Nelson don't mean noffink. She should leave Peter Carthy alone innit,' lambasted the loudmouthed idiot, 37, yesterday.
Macca's New Stunna's Worth Ten of Mucca
Sir Paul McCartney's new lover Nancy Shevell, 25, is a right stunna! She's fit, has brains, and is worth a bob or two. Why oh why, with hordes of lovely women like that about, did Macca ever get mixed up with a crazy old slag like fame-hungry money-grabber Heather Mills, 56?
Macca Mucker Mocca Mocks Mucca
Paul McCartney fan Harry Mocombe, 55, a layabout and wife-beater, yesterday taunted mad cow Heather Mills, 61, branding her 'a vindictive old bat with more money than sense that needs a good slapping.'
Mucca Out of Lucca
Looney Heather Mills, 55, tore up a lottery ticket yesterday after she failed to win a prize. Mucca, 67, was wild-eyed with rage as she launched an attack on Paul McCartney, 88, branding him 'a miserable old bastard' after he refused to share his winnings on the 2.45 at York.
Hello
Lionel Richie's refrain 'Hello, is it me you're looking for?' has been condemned for its use of irony, says washed up pop star Limahl.
Rubix Circle
Professor Sedgwick Rubix the III has usurped his father's work with the invention of the Rubix Circle. It was solved by a four year old in six minutes.
Operation
Operation, the game adored by Children the world over, is too be banned in schools, as it is a cause of stress for the under 8's.
Ears Looking at you, Kid
There was a tense stand of between actor Martin Clunes, Dr Spock, and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo in 'Guess the biggest ears' at the White House.
Horse Death
Today, Knacker, the only horse in a one horse town was shot by Government officials, wanting to rebrand the place properly.
Comedy missing link
There was a small fight in London today when small Geordie comics Ant and Dec where described as the missing link between Cannon and Ball and Joe Pasquale.
Soup, sir
Soup spoons are to be redesigned, so that they act more like straws, says an old man with too much time on his hands.
Black is the old Black
There was shock in the Fashion world today, when Black was called the old Black.