Spoof news snippets from Monday 7 May 2007
Climate Change Report: "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes".
Top climatologists proceed to do so.
Campbell: We won
Fears are growing for the mental health of Lib Dem leader Sir Menzies Campbell after he insisted his party performed 'very, very well' in last week's local elections.
Italy 'confused' over war
Italy's Prime Minister Romano Prodi has admitted that the intense in-fighting between dozens of groups in Iraq has caused confusion over which fence his country should sit on.
Kent quake cost $80m
It's been revealed that last week's tremor off the coast of Kent cost the government $80m. Tory leader David Cameron reacted to the news by saying 'what a waste of money - if anything it did more harm than good'.
Google launches 'google ass wipe'
Internet giant Google has announced an ass wiping service. The new function further strengthens the company's dominance of the online market.
Boy George: I'm gay
Eighties pop icon Boy George has stunned fans by announcing that he's homosexual. The notorious hard man told music website NME.com that it felt good to finally come out of the closet.
US to invade Britain
President Bush has vowed to attack Great Britain if Tony Blair steps down next week. Mr Bush made the threat after meeting with Gordon Brown for the first time.
Redundancies at Tracey Island
International Rescue have announced that they are in consultation with unions over job losses after product development manager Brains left the company to Join Stingray.
Jamie Foxx to play Hawking
Multi-talented superstar Jamie Foxx is to play Steven Hawking in a film about the astro-physicist's life. Speaking of Hawking, Foxx said: "I truly dig dat spaz".
Noel Edmonds badly injured in gun battle
Popular TV host Noel Edmonds has been seriously wounded in a shoot-out at his home in Crinkley Bottom. Police want to question a large pink man with yellow spots about the incident.
Mark Cuban to sell Dirk Nowitsky on Ebay
After their first round playoff loss, Mavericks owner Mark Cuban vowed to sell star forward Dirk Nowitsky to the highest bidder on Ebay. No word yet if there will be a reserve price set for this bidding.