Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 20 March 2007
Cannibal Cult Leader Faces Death Penalty
Witnesses say he's "eaten up" with guilt.
Some Muslim cashiers at Minnesota Target store refuse to scan pork products
Jewish cashiers are mulling over the idea. In spite of the blatant disrespect, pigs remain fat, dumb and happy.
Vincent ("Sleepin' with the Fishes") Pastore Wants to Come Back to "Dancing with the Stars"
Plans to whack a current contestant and make a triumphant return.
Film stars - "no panties rules"
A new bill has been passed by George Bush (he has Bill Clinton's approval) that all film stars (preferably actresses and not actors) will no longer keep their celebrity status unless they are "knickerless".
Barron William Trump Celebrates First Birthday
Buys three properties in Manhattan, says "You're fired" to his nanny, hangs an even bigger American flag on his Florida home, and sends a nasty e-mail to Rosie O'Donnell.
Al Qaeda suspect confesses to role in New Coke disaster
The suspect, Walid bin Attash, testified the bad-tasting soda was part of an elaborate terror plot so Coca Cola could exchange cane sugar for corn syrup in Classic Coke...